Hollywood's Most Powerful Man Wears A Fireman's Badge
We'd long assumed that the title of Most Powerful Man in Hollywood belonged to the velvet-hooded, anonymous potentate who presides over the monthly Gay Mafia induction ceremony held in the secret, well-fortified sub-basement of a certain Malibu compound, and who wordlessly orders the ritualistic removal of each new member's pinkie toe by pantomiming a scissor motion with two of his fingers. (The shaving, oiling, and branding pantomimes are far too involved and horrible to describe here.) The AP, however, informs us that the person who truly holds sway over the entertainment industry is superstar Hollywood fire inspector Robert Gladden, whose ability to cancel the Oscars—and, by extension, all of existence—by stepping into the green room and declaring, "If a spark from a cigarette lighter comes within a hundred yards of Harrison Ford, everyone in the Kodak Theatre will perish in the ensuing whiskey-fume fireball. We're shutting it down," makes him a figure of unparalleled local influence:
"I absolutely have the coolest job," he says. "There's nothing like it because most people don't associate being a fireman with all this celebrity stuff." [...]
His job has taken him to the Academy Awards six times, with unfettered access to the venue, the red carpet and the star-filled green room. He once helped an Oscar-toting Renee Zellweger navigate her way backstage at the Kodak Theater.
These days, Gladden is an integral part of Oscar's show-planning process. He was so involved with the construction of the Kodak Theater that a photo of his face graces the entrance to its parking structure.[...]
"I've been offered all kinds of things from ladies trying to get into parties," says Gladden, who married his high-school sweetheart seven years ago. "It happens regularly. I've been flashed several times."
It's heartening to know that he's not too drunk on his incredible power to take advantage of the desperate women offering themselves in return for admittance to a party; imagining the daunting fellatio-gauntlet they already must run—valet, doorman, promoter, publicist, cater waiter—to sneak in is already depressing enough without having "fire inspector" added to the list.
