· Audiences already seem tired of Al Gore telling them of the cataclysms that await us because of global warming. Maybe they can add a meteor the size of Texas hurtling toward Los Angeles in the second act and revive interest. [Variety]
· J.K. Rowling announces that at least two main characters will die in the seventh and final Harry Potter book, and that their names are "Harry" and "Hermione." OK, we made that last part up because it's probably going to wind up being Ron Weasley's twin brothers once her publisher offers her $250 million to do one more book. [THR]
· Halle Berry teams with writer Angela Nissel to develop
an HBO comedy series about "a biracial woman and her two friends as they tackle racial and financial issues post-college." We're not even going to try and make that sound more interesting. [Variety]
· Hell's Kitchen wins Monday night for Fox, beating NBC's Treasure Hunters. We should note that we're officially changing our allegiance from Team Busty Grad Students to Team Busty Miss USA. [THR]
· The director and writer of The Devil Wears Prada film will reteam to adapt further chick lit evil for the big screen, this time for a I Don't Know How She Does It movie. [Variety]

· Gallery of the Absurd makes the heretical claim that the Chosen One might wind up something less than physically perfect, then follows it up with an equally heretical graven image of the baby that will one day save mankind.
· Also: Names Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt Wanted to Name Their Baby But Decided Would Be Too Traumatic
· And one more: "A Hebrew name, Shiloh is 'generally understood as denoting the Messiah, "the peaceful one," ' according to Easton's Bible Dictionary, an 1897 work of biblical definitions." Nothing like getting a kid started early with those messianic expectations.
· After two failed marriages, Halle Berry no longer feels the need to be validated by a husband. Also, she doesn't fear eventually being a single mom, saying, "My mother was alone and raised me. And I think I came out OK," having already forgotten about the absent father issues that probably led to those aforementioned bad relationships.

Just two days after Ryan Seacrest's ass was extricated from a collapsed glass coffee table by some extremely secure firemen, "musical competition-emceeing heartthrobs surrounded by hunks in uniform" week continues with this photo of Tony Awards host and X-Men: The Last Stand star Hugh Jackman, with co-stars Kelsey Grammer and Halle Berry, in a morale-raising PR stop aboard the USS Kearsarge. At one point, USA Today reports, Jackman told the crowd, "Not everyone can get their photo with Halle, [but] I do have Halle's phone number here." The ruse instantly served its purpose, with all 1500 voracious servicemen pouncing on Jackman at once in a chaotic attempt at collecting the exclusive digits. White pants, caps, and scarves flew every which way, until all that was left was a massive, groaning mound of twisted male limbs. Minutes later, a battered Jackman crawled out with a wholely satisfied look on his face, the crumpled, blank piece of paper still clutched in his sailor-sullied hands.

The X-chromosome-abundant cast members of X-Men: The Last Stand sat down for some frank, mutant girl talk with the AP in support of the movie's premiere at Cannes. Among their revelations: Anna Paquin suffers from a crippling case of superpower envy, while Halle Berry, still mistrustful of men, only wishes her character Storm could find some true romance:

"Are we having a racist moment here?" Those are the words that brought a BBC radio interview to a screeching halt yesterday by Halle Berry, there to promote X-Men: The Last Stand with her co-star, Hugh Jackman. By way of flashback, let's piece back together what led up to it, with the help of the AP:

· A bright red "breaking story" tag lets us know that we're supposed to care about this more than other news right now: The Beatles (Apple Corps) have lost their trademark case against Apple Computers, but plan to appeal. You can continue to indulge your iTunes addiction without interruption. [Variety]
· Benicio Del Toro is onboard and Halle Berry is in "negotiations" to join him in the highly buzzed about DreamWorks project Things We Lost in the Fire, about a recent widow who invites her dead husband's "troubled best friend" to live with her. We suspect that sweaty, troubled-best-friend-sex will be crucial to the grieving process. [THR]
· All is not lost for M:i:III, which takes in $70.3 million abroad. South Koreans seem especially excited for Tom Cruise's return to blockbusterdom. [Variety]
· TiVo is launching a service which will allow its users to search for and watch "extended commercials" from one minute to one hour in length. Meanwhile, they're perfecting technology that will summon a representative from one of their featured advertisers to a viewer's home with a single button press, where the rep will kick the targeted consumer in the genitals while shouting their product's jingle through a megaphone. [THR]
· News to us: M:i:III wasn't the only movie screening at last week's Tribeca Film Festival. [Variety]

In this era of Angelina Jolie-instigated family-building tyranny, all celebrities are now forced to publicly consider (if not ultimately commit to) the adoption option, or suffer a public tarring as a privileged, callous enabler of Third World poverty and overpopulation. But even in the face of this pressure, Berry's interest seems half-hearted at best; while she seems to remove an initial contingency to her intentions by quickly acquiescing to a firmer commitment ("I will adopt if it doesn't happen for me naturally...I will definitely adopt. And I probably will adopt even if it does happen naturally."), she doesn't even bother to specify a suitably exotic ethnic background for her theoretical child. We'll believe she's not just cynically milking the idea for the publicity benefit when she announces her plan for voluntary sterilization, leaving herself no choice but to fill her empty home with the joyful cries Bengali street urchins.

Halle Berry has managed to turn a regrettable post-Oscar career move the cinematic equivalent of scoopable litter known as Catwoman and turn it into a cottage industry of award collecting and self-mocking good PR. First she shows up at last year's Razzies to collect her award, announcing, "I want to thank Warner Brothers for casting me in this piece of shit." Now, those ivy and crimson-clad cross dressers of Harvard's Hasty Pudding club are still flogging a dead feline:

We must admit, even since Halle Berry showed up at last year's Razzies to collect her worst actress award for Catwoman, she's occupied a place in the empty cavity where our hearts should be. So when we heard she had hitched her love train to the caboose of male model du moment Gabriel Aubry, we had mixed feelings: Were we glad she had finally moved past her two-timing, "sex addict" ex-husband Eric Benet? Of course. But should she have fallen for South Beach's sweetest, chewiest piece of gummy-boy man-candy? According to Page Six, probably not:

• 50 Cent shows up to the premiere of his movie with a 30-member posse, the members of which he politely attempts to introduce, individually, to red carpet reporters. See? We told you he was nothing but a thug poseur. [Lowdown (2nd item)]
• Because marrying Jordan Catalano is every young woman's dream, Lindsay Lohan is eager to wed beau Jared Leto, who taught her how to eat again. [Scoop]
• Matthew McConaughey is rumored to have landed the role of People magazine's Sexiest Man With Hairplugs Alive. [Page Six]
• Actress Halle Berry is sleeping with her boyfriend, so she must be pregnant. [R&M]
• Most disturbing sighting ever: "Joe (father of Michael) Jackson at Bruno Jamais' supper club with Jocelyn Wildenstein promoting his reality TV show, 'Hip-Hop Boot Camp.'" [Page Six]

...And this little piggie ran aaaall the way home, but then the sixth little piggie walked over to the neighbor's house, and got an A-list star who probably needed to get his mind off of things anyway to sign on to her latest project:

· Wow, now that you mention it, it kinda does look like Halle Berry has six toes. Once again, Berry establishes an almost unattainable ideal of physical perfection.
· The LAT's Richard Rushfield blogs the Hollywood Film Festival's premiere of Kiss Kiss Bang Bang and discovers that no one should ever leave Val Kilmer and Robert Downey, Jr. in front of an audience without adult supervision.
· Trump: Martha Stewart is making my show bite the doily. Guess the salad-tossing experiment isn't working out quite as well as they'd hoped.
· When you get bored of watching Desperate Housewives on that tiny iPod screen, you can always look at naked chicks with lots of tattoos.
· Lindsay Lohan's a busy girl, what with the change of hair color and the 5 ayem trips to 7-11 to sit on the floor and read her bad press. Where does she find the energy?

Where else besides the LAT's "Hot Property" column, the weekly chronicle of notable celebrity real estate transactions, would you expect to find a brief discussion of some of the single-parenting options available to the modern, empowered actress?

An LAPD officer used police computers to sell celebrity data to tabloids. Among the records accessed were those of Sharon Stone, Sean Penn, Meg Ryan, Kobe Bryant, O.J. Simpson, Larry King, Drew Barrymore, Cindy Crawford, and Halle Berry. The offers says he accessed the records because he was ordered by his superiors to compile map of VIP residences in LA. (Hey, NYPD: you guys are holding out on us! Where are all of our celebrity addresses?)
Lawsuit accuses LAPD officer of selling celebrity data [AP via BoingBoing]