Have you heard of the Fantasy Hair phenomenon? If not, you're in luck, because Hair Battle Spectacular premiered on Oxygen last night and, needless to say, it was quite the spectacle.

Break out the Marlboro Reds and warm beer, because Van Halen is back. Right now the original members are "in the studio recording an album with [David Lee] Roth" that should be out next year. Somewhere, Sammy Hagar is crying.

California Senator Barbara Boxer and former Hewlett Packard CEO Carly Fiorina are battling over Boxer's Senate seat. But that's secondary to a more important question—one that an actual, reputable polling firm just asked Californians: Who has better hair?

[A soldier from Bravo Company, 2nd Battalion of the 508 Parachute Infantry Regiment of the 82nd Airborne, has his head shaved by the light of a flashlight at Combat Outpost Ware in the Arghandab Valley, outside Kandahar. Pic via AP.]

Osteo danger! Fireworks injuries! Sleepy teens! Picky eaters! Ozzy columns! Obese necks! Gifted tests! And hair loss genes that want to render your body uncommonly smooth! It's your Tuesday Health Watch, where we watch your health—one-handed, by necessity!

Astoundingly massive and omniscient consumer products corporation P&G knows that you, the consumer, are more worried about "bad hair days" than about war, recession, and workplace rape, combined. So P&G hair scientists are killing bad hair dead. With science!

Katherine Heigl wore one seriously bad haircut last night. But her new brunette bouffant isn't just a bad styling choice. This is "motive hair." Something else is going on that informed this decision. We've all been there, and it's scary.

Several people report seeing this man around Williamsburg. He wears, says one tipster "a pair of child's pleather shorts as a headpiece to contain a giant jewfro to give the effect of twin chimneys." They call him chimneyhead.

Kids, if you think it's "cool" to grow out your hair: consider the consequences. Click to enlarge. [Copyranter]

When we told you Mayor Bloomberg planned to dress up as a Hair hippie for this year's Inner Circle dinner, we suggested he dress in drag. He didn't—but he did mingle with Snooki and The Situation! Video inside.

For the Inner Circle gala—that bizarro NYC event where Giuliani dressed in drag—Bloomberg booked the cast of Hair for a skit entitled Mair. He'd better be wearing a bra. Bonus: He could even burn it at the end!

Most exciting news of the day: The legendary Williamsburg Hair Man, nominee for Hipster of the Decade, is set to star in a short film! Photographic teaser and details below!

Hair is holding an open casting and it is plagued by crazies from far and wide who don't really want to get to Broadway, they just want attention. Thanks American Idol, now instead of auditions, we have the freak parade.

It's official, Wendy Williams is the Martha Stewart of all things weave. When an audience member admits to being unsatisfied by the size of her poof, Wendy does not hesitate to offer a solution: black dress socks of course!

Observe young Taylor Pugh: a four-year-old rapscallion unwilling to trim his wild mane for the sake of classroom safety. The school board of Mesquite, Texas has voted to ban longhairs like Taylor from pre-K. Taylor Pugh: boy. Hair. Threat. [NYT]

We've all been in this situation: it's the day before a big event, your graduation, wedding, ribbon cutting ceremony, and you just got a bad haircut. Well, if you don't have a favorite hat, here are some helpful tips.

Paris is back, bitches. Art Garfunkel: kind of a bitch. Ann Landers went to Scores with JFK Jr. Diane von Furstenburg's been drinking Pimp Juice. Sammy Sosa: white. Metal weddings: black. Michael Moore: fat. Presenting your Sunday Morning Gossip Roundup!

In your thrashed Thursday media column: More Conde layoff rumors, Martha Stewart's evil company gets sued, media hair racism persists, and Choire Sicha declaims on the current technomedia foofaraw.

Sarah Palin's hairdresser is talking to the liberal media again! Doesn't she remember what happened the last time? Jessica Steele is still explaining Palin's terrible hair emergency.

If they only had a heart. Upon seeing this week's spine-tingling video of Michael Jackson's '84 Pepsi ad accident, Pepsi and vid director Bob Giraldi don't give a shit. The international moment of dead pop star respect is officially finito.