Fox News Channel's Greta Van Susteren would have been fine if she'd stopped her Sunday morning blog post after the first paragraph, which said she is not her husband. But she didn't. Of course.

John Coale, currently advising Sarah Palin on running for president in 2012, is a Scientologist. And according to a memo obtained by Gawker, Coale once plotted to use friendly politicians to advance the power-hungry cult's agenda.

• Further evidence CNN's Jon Klein should start polishing his resume: The network continues to trail Fox News, MSNBC, and Headline News. [Portfolio]
• Obama's performance on The Tonight Show will keep people talking for awhile (and not in a good way, clearly), but the ratings were huge. [Time, THR]
• The April issue of Portfolio is the slimmest in Condé Nast's history. [NYP]
• Charla Lawhon is stepping down as managing editor of In Style. [WWD]
• Your prayers have been answered: VH1 is reviving Behind the Music. [NYP]
• Bob Pittman says the ad industry should get a bailout, too. [Fortune]
• Fox News's Greta Van Susteren is denying her husband is a paid adviser to Sarah Palin, but she admits that he gives her advice and "helps" her. [HP]
• SpiralFrog, the glitzy music site that launched in 2006, has gone bust. [PC]
• Broadway dimmed the lights last night in honor of Natasha Richardson. [THR]

Yes, the husband of a Fox News anchor is advising and assisting Sarah Palin. But it's not like he's getting paid. The elite Scientologist just likes helping the ladies.

• Ad pages for monthly magazines in March dropped by 26 percent. [Crains]
• Sirius XM has reached a deal with Liberty Media to avoid bankruptcy. [NYT]
• What Bristol Palin had to say in her interview with Greta Van Susteren. [ABC]
• Not surprisingly, local news stations covered A-Rod's press conference today in lieu of President Obama's signing of the stimulus bill. [THR]
• A look at Politico and "the brave new world of post-print journalism." [TNR]
• Barbara Walters at a breakfast this morning with 60 Minutes's Steve Kroft and Ken Auletta: "I think the only programs that will still be there as they are now in 10 years are the morning shows." How convenient. [Portfolio]
• Thanks to the popularity of Slumdog Millionaire, ABC is thinking about reviving Who Wants to Be a Millionaire? during primetime. [NYT]

Sarah Palin has famously opposed sex-ed programs other than "abstinence education." Funny, then, that daughter Bristol was on Fox News tonight saying abstinence is "not realistic at all."

Fox News' Greta Van Susteren is Sarah Palin's close friend and kitchen buddy, and she's not about to stand back and let CNN slanderously accuse Palin of "falling from grace" last year. Huh.

Greta Van Susteren and Matt Lauer were first out of the gate with lengthy Sarah Palin interviews after the election. The chats were slammed as softball jobs by some critics, and you can now add Katie Couric to that group, at least in one regard: She wishes someone had asked the former Republican vice presidential nominee why she didn't answer Couric's simple and ultimately devastating question about what newspapers and magazines Palin reads. Hopefully Lauer, who hosted Today with Couric for nine years, doesn't take the critique personally, particularly since Couric may very well end up back at NBC. Click the video icon to watch Couric explain her thoughts on David Letterman's Late Show.

Is it possible to turn on the news and not hear about another ship that's been hijacked by a bunch of Somali pirates looking to collect some extortion money? Piracy at sea hasn't generated this much public attention since the 16th century! Naturally, we don't condone these violent, criminal acts, nor do we recommend taking up a career as a pirate, even if you were just canned by a media company or investment bank and you're wondering how you're going to pay your rent next month. But if you've already made up your mind and you're planning to take the LIRR out to the Hamptons, rent a Zodiac, and take over the boat of a local billionaire—or you're just planning to pay a friendly visit and drop off your resume in person—we've put together a colorful chart of yachts owned by a bunch of notable New Yorkers, just so you make sure you're climbing aboard the right ship. Just don't blame us if you're subjected to a treatise on the economy by Steve Forbes, a lecture on Scientology by Greta Van Susteren, or a tongue-lashing by Judge Judy. The larger chart is here.

Fox News would like you to get to know its angry shouting heads a little bit better. Perhaps you'd like to know what sort of pants Sean Hannity doesn't wear on camera? Or the worst of Greta Van Susteren's college grades? Or who Bill O'Reilly has beaten to death with his bare hands? The name of Shep Smith's favorite piano bar? As TVNewser discovered, you can answer a disconcertingly high percentage of these questions on the"Fun Facts" section of Fox News' new Facebook page. All the disturbing profiles are after the jump. (Actually, Shep's is more immaculate than disturbing, but then that's about what you'd expect from the anchor, right?)

♦ NBC chief Jeff Zucker is tightening making another round of cuts. This time it's CNBC, which will see its budget slashed by 10 percent. [NYO]
♦ A group of liberal activists printed up fake copies of the New York Times today to hand out to passerby in Midtown. [NYT]
♦ Gerard Baker has been named deputy editor-in-chief of The Wall Street Journal and Dow Jones. [Romenesko]
♦ Katie Couric's advice for Sarah Palin: "I think she should keep her head down, work really hard and learn about governing." [Page Six]
♦ John McCain's first TV appearance since he lost the election translated into big ratings for Jay Leno's Tonight Show. [THR]
♦ Monday's interview with Sarah Palin was also a winner with Greta Van Susteren's On The Record earning its best ratings of the year. [B&C]

Listen up, voters: It was not Sarah Palin's idea to try and fool you by wearing fancy clothes she would not normally have anything to do with! The Republican National Committee bought an opulent $150,000 wardrobe for her and seven family members before she even showed up at the convention, the former vice presidential nominee told Fox News Channel's Greta Von Susteren Tuesday night. The legendary MAVERICK was just "goin' with the flow... if that's the way they do this." She's never even been to a Saks or Neiman Marcus. Why on earth is she telling everyone this now?

Square-jawed Fox News host Greta Van Susteren is out to show that the media is not totally in the tank, by giving a fair and balanced interview to Gov. Sarah Palin right in her own back yard! And by that we mean not just "the state of Alaska," but literally "her own back yard." Greta is chronicling her trip to Wasilla on her very own blog, "GretaWire," which allows us all to take an intimate peek into this cross-continental journalistic excursion. Question: On a scale of 1-10, how much of this trip was for "journalism," and how much was for "Whoa, free snowmobile ride!"? Let Greta's own pictures guide you:
EXCLUSIVE PALIN KITCHEN PHOTO!!!!!

♦ More pain at 4 Times Square: Condé Nast is shuttering Elegant Bride. [Jossip]
♦ Despite the fact Portfolio fired 32 staffers last week, a spokesperson confirms the mag is going ahead with a soirée at the 21 Club later this month. [Page Six]
♦ Not surprisingly, Fox News has landed the first post-election interview with Sarah Palin. Greta van Susteren will sit down with her in Alaska over the weekend; the interview will be broadcast on Monday. [THR]

Pakistan's new president, Asif Ali Zardari, had some amazing stories to tell Fox News' Greta Van Susteren Tuesday. He might have even impressed viewers with the one about how his late wife, former prime minister Benazir Bhutto, called President George H.W. Bush in 1988 to complain about the destabilizing influence of Osama bin Laden, with whom Bush was supposedly unfamiliar. But Zardari then shot his credibility to hell by following up with a story about how Lt. Col. Ollie North, ringleader of the Iran-Contra scandal, also warned about bin Laden in the late 1980s, in testimony to the U.S. senate. Very not true!

By email, by telephone and by cable television comes a consistent message for Gawker: We should all be woken in the middle of the night, hauled off to jail, and locked away maybe forever for publishing some of Sarah Palin's emails, including her daughter Bristol's phone number and husband's previously-known email address. Some people would also like us shot, because God only knows the terrible things that can be done to someone with email addresses and phone numbers. Bizarrely, the only person who disagreed with our legal culpability was a Scientologist, because despite the many negative things we've written about that "church" the law is apparently clear: "Gawker's fine," Fox News's Greta Van Susteren said. Click the video icon to watch the TV coverage; some emails and a voice mail we "liberal Jews" received is after the jump.

Greta Van Susteren isn't exactly known for her superstar celebrity guests, and God knows that with 15,000 journalists covering the Democratic convention, the competition for big-name guests is fierce. But that still doesn't quite account for why the Scientology-lovin' Fox News host didn't, say, pull some strings with Kirstie Alley or Lisa Marie Presley and decided to sit down with Wyclef Jean instead. Fortunately, Greta starts off with the obvious question: What's Wyclef doing in Denver? Unfortunately, it was a question that seemed to stump Wyclef. ("I think it's a historical time in history.") But presumably that was a better response than telling Greta that he's there to represent "Vote or Die!" since Diddy was too busy to attend. Video below!

Overrated ball-thrower Brett Favre recently announced his intention to un-retire from American Football. He announced this on the program of terrifying Scientologist (and family friend of Joe McCarthy!) Greta Van Susteren-which was odd, because he was looking to be released from his contract with the Packers, not for a lost white girl. You know who else thought it was odd? America's sportswriters! That elite league of old white dudes coudn't understand why their favorite good ole boy QB broke this news to a lady instead of one of them. Thankfully, Greta is not merely a top-rated television hostess-she is also a blogger! So she responded to a couple utterly obscure small-market sports columnists with typical internet heroism. Enjoy!

As a member of two vindictive cults - Fox News and Scientology - cable news anchor Greta Van Susteren is an absolute pro at channeling rage. Witness the blog post she typed up on the 4th of July holiday. The executive producer of CNN's Anderson Cooper 360 last week called Susteren's On The Record "not a news program. It's missing-person of the day." Hoo-boy. Susteren's 1000-word response swiftly pinned blame for the comments on Cooper, since he should be able to control his producer, then basically called the silver-haired anchor a coddled, commercialized, Katrina-exploiting, polygamy-obsessed pretty boy. Susteren, meanwhile, has a magical law degree that obviates the need for a teleprompter, ever. A breakdown (and partial refutation) of her rant, after the jump.

Peter Dinklage is short and old. He turns 39 today. Also celebrating: Scientology-lovin' Fox News legal eagle Greta Van Susteren is 54. Style.com's Candy Pratts Price looks damn good for someone turning 59. Harlem's own Charlie Rangel is turning 78. On the local political front, fire department commissioner Nicholas Scoppetta is 76 and public advocate is Betsy Gotbaum's turning 70. Mets shortstop José Reyes is celebrating his 25. Indiana Jones cutie Shia LeBeouf turns 22. Times CEO Janet Robinson is 58. Surgeon (and friend of Oprah) Mehmet Oz turns 48.