The Way We Live Now: Blingy. The new dynasty of the American auto (one day) is over! Nations and companies alike are falling. The barter system is returning. Grab the gold and run!

Oh, hey, John Paulson, who made TEN TRILLION GAZILLION DOLLARS betting that every bank in the would would fail, just bought a gold mine.

Swim demon Michael Phelps won his 8th gold medal of the 2008 Olympics last night, his 14th overall. How does he do it? It's that crazy 6'4" bod of his! "Generally, a man's arm span equals his height but in his case it's 6'7"-three inches more than his height. Naturally his arms work as powerful propulsive paddles, giving him a clear edge over others. His lower body, interestingly, is shorter than that of an average man of his height. His relatively short legs result in less drag or resistance. In short, Phelps has an upper body of a 6'8" person but his lower body seems to be of someone who is only 5'10", which also make the perfect plane in water." More science after the jump.

Thirteen-time gold medalist swimmer Michael Phelps is such a big American hero and super-mega-champion, right? That's just what they want you to believe. In fact, his .01 second victory-the lowest margin of difference allowed in official swimming competitions-over Serbia's Milorad Cavic in the 100 meter butterfly yesterday was a giant scam! In fact, it was all part of an elaborate plot between Phelps, the U.S. government, NBC, and time-keeping overlord OMEGA! Don't believe the chlorinated hype!

I was this little girl once. Trying to get back there.