As long as water can still freeze on Planet Earth, global warming is a hoax.

Dear Matt Drudge: Global warming and winter are not mutually exclusive weather phenomena.

The Copenhagen summit has brought the global warming debate to a head, and the skeptics have the upper hand because Al Gore made a math error, scientists wrote mean e-mails, icebergs won't destroy Australia, and it's snowing in Copenhagen.

In a warm dystopia many years from now, New York City will be underwater and ginormous mutant crustaceans will roam the globe, mouth-wateringly. Here's hoping the cows don't die, because we're going to need butter. [NatlGeo]

Whatever happens at the UN climate change summit in Copenhagen next week, we can be sure of one result: the entire event will be hijacked by bad actors spreading lies that will become conventional wisdom.

Climate change is real and man-made. Period, end of story. But recently, some emails have leaked that conclusively prove that climate scientists... are really pissed off that a well-funded industry exists that subverts and denies their work.

Everyone is all mad at Steven Levitt and Stephen Dubner for including a hilariously wrong chapter on climate change in the sequel to their famous book Freakonomics, but some of us have been on the hating-those-dudes train forever.

"Survivaball." Read all about it on the website. "Worried About Climate Change? Don't sweat it." Instead, you can wear a ridiculous rubber-ball body suit to protect you from the ravages of global warming. It's an example of the world's largest corporations using engineering to replace ethics, with humorous results, etc.

Good golly, does climate change and its evil, earth-shattering impact know no bounds? Apparently not, because researchers have now chalked up a new victim. And that victim is beer.

Stop griping about global warming. Sure, it's melting our ice caps, but that means that ships can steer a more direct route through the Arctic, as two German vessels are doing. Economic Darwinism at work, people. Yay! [NY Times]

Google was once happy to help us find things on the wild, wild web. The company has obviously grown past that point, but could it soon be savior of the entire world? Possibly and probably.

Global warming may put-off another ice age. Good to see fire and ice playing nicely.

Earlier today, with a vote of 219 to 212, the House of Representatives narrowly passed a bill intended to take a serious look at how we're making the world a hotter place to live.

The rise in the number of obese people isn't just having unappealing aesthetic effects on the landscape of America. It's also imperiling our nation, since fat people are responsible for global warming! "Scientists warned that the increase in big-eaters means more food production—a major cause of CO2 gas emissions warming the planet. Overweight people are also more likely to drive, adding to environmental damage." In other words, every time this kid puts another French fry in his mouth, an ice cap melts and polar bear dies. Depressing news, huh? Try making yourself feel better by downing a pint of chocolate chip ice cream. [NYP]

Barack Obama has chosen a two-term EPA head, an experimental physicist known for LASER experiments, and some woman from New Jersey to fix the environment.

Al Gore's incredibly expensive campaign to solve the climate crisis by enriching the advertising industry is still going strong! The Gore-backed WeCanSolveIt.org is running a new ad, and it unfortunately embodies the traits of its sponsor: off-putting earnestness and a befuddling message in support of a worthy cause. This one features various Americans staring creepily into the camera while slogans flash, informing politicians that we "demand" that they "use the wind" to stop global warming or something. A tenth of Gore's $300 million budget spent directly on lobbying would accomplish much more than these ads ever will. Environmentalists have all the good weed-is this as creative as they can get? Watch the Gore-like spot after the jump:

From a ProfNet query: "I'm looking for someone who could talk about the effects of global warming on the kitten population. Several shelters have said they've seen a large increase in the number of kittens born in the past two years."

Because global weather patterns will only get more catastrophic until the last human finally starves in a sea of sand and fire, NBC Universal is wisely buying the Weather Channel for $3.5 billion. The deal includes website Weather.com, but more exciting for NBC is surely the cable channel, carried in 97 percent of U.S. homes. Imagine the cross-promotional possibilities that will emerge as global warming engulfs both coasts, and their advertiser-coveted demographics, in slow but steady ruin!

Fat people are eating all the food in the world, thus starving the skinny people, and also causing global warming, because they are so often chilly. It's true, we read it on BBC News. "The result [of hungry, hungry fatties] is that the poor struggle to afford food and greenhouse gas emissions rise," according to a study in The Lancet. Oh no! [BBC]

"Great tits cope well with warming" [BBC via YM]