It was not inevitable that Joe Francis would issue an apology for his remarks to The Hollywood Reporter suggesting the jurors who recently convicted him for unlawful imprisonment should be executed. But what was inevitable is that if an apology were to surface, it would be full of assy qualifications, self-entitlement and victim-playing. And so it has, and so it is. Below is the "apology" Francis issued because someone obviously told him to do it, although they failed to inform him how to do it:

After we published our post on the Hollywood Reporter story, in which Joe Francis said that the "retarded" jury that convicted him earlier this month "should be shot dead," we received an email from one of the 12 not-so-angry people who sat on jury. We followed up with this person by phone to produce the following account of the trial and the response to Francis' insults and allegations.

Girls Gone Wild creator Joe Francis has gone wild and it's way better than a bath full of bouncing, barely (or not-at-all) legal coeds. On May 7, the day after he was found guilty of false imprisonment (three counts), assault causing great bodily injury (one count), and dissuading a witness from reporting (one count), The Hollywood Reporter nabbed an exclusive interview with the supreme douche, who was highly emotional and, as revealed later in the ensuing profile, drunk.

Joe Francis, founder of the now-bankrupt Girls Gone Wild franchise, was convicted yesterday of falsely imprisoning three women and severely assaulting at least one of them back in 2011.

After 16 godawful, Jägermeister-fueled years, the Girls Gone Wild amateur porn franchise is filing for bankruptcy. The Wall Street Journal reports that company founder Joe Francis manager Chris Dale put GGW Brands LLC and other companies under the Girls Gone Wild umbrella into Chapter 11 protection yesterday to prevent the Wynn Las Vegas Casino and Resort from acquiring them in a multimillion dollar lawsuit:

Porn-lite purveyor Joe Francis of Girls Gone Wild was cleared of civil charges in Florida yesterday morning for allegedly causing emotional distress after he filmed underage girls' boobs for his frat boy DVD empire.

Girls Gone Wild founder and Gawker Douche of the Decade Joe Francis has been representing himself in a Panama City courthouse this week, in a civil case brought against him by four young women who fell prey to his "you expose yourself, I give you this magical tube top" routine. If you think this hilarious arrangement has disaster written all over it, you're right!

Girls Gone Wild millionaire and Douche of the Decade Joe Francis had a publicity-soaked wedding in November. So how's married life going? Divorcing, you say? She moved out "a bit after Thanksgiving," mere weeks after the ceremony? Oh dear. [Radar]

Being something of an expert in the business, Lindsay Lohan's mom thinks she should open a chain of rehab centers. Also today: Kelly Bensimon can't stop embarrassing her kids, Joe Francis happily civilizes his union, and some Twilight news.

Girls Gone Wild founder and certified douchebag Joe Francis is currently being sued by four women who say Francis coerced them into appearing in his X-rated films when they were underage. Well, that's now a free speech battle. How respectable!

Connecticut GOP Senate candidiate Linda McMahon takes heat for her time as CEO of World Wrestling Entertainment, but she says her skills will help her in office. For example, WWE once partnered with Girls Gone Wild for a pay-per-view boobfest.

With, let's say, 140% of the vote reporting, we are deeply ashamed to announce that Girls Gone Wild impresario Joe Francis is Gawker's Douche of the Decade.

Dina Lohan recounts corporal punishment at her daughter's hands, Tom Cruise converses with doorknobs, and footage of Joanna Krupa at Snoop Dogg's Girls Gone Wild party surfaces. Come, stroke the supple hide of Friday's gossip.

Look out ladies—Joe Francis is a free man again! The alleged arm-twisting sexual aggressor and loathsome Girls Gone Wild founder copped a guilty plea yesterday, ending his battle with federal prosecutors over tax evasion.

Joe Francis' storied career has been the Wal-Mart of slime: something to offend the whole family. Tax evasion, child exploitation, assaulting the press — he's got bargains in every aisle. Some wondered, what's left? But Francis has topped himself.

There are some things in life that we'll never get tired of. The incarceration of flashcore titsploitation entrepreneur Joe Francis is one of those things. Break out the body shots!

Won't someone stand up for a poor, beleaguered pornographer like Joe Francis? These days, his Spitzer-related paydays are too few and far between, and the ex-jailbird spends most of his time battling lawsuits filed on behalf of women who appeared in his Girls Gone Wild videos while underage. Now, Francis is fighting back against what he dubs "southern justice gone awry," filing his own lawsuit in Los Angeles County Court that alleges a massive, breast-baring conspiracy cooked up by teenage girls and U.S. District Judges alike. In fact, according to THR, Esq:

Joe Francis, the creepy smutrepreneur who teased us all with promises of Ashley Alexandra Dupré footage, has taken to the Internet to demand his rights under the Constitution. Seems a judge and prosecutors in Panama City, FL abused Francis in all sorts of illegal and unethical ways. The sad thing is that I have to support Francis on this issue. And if you like your porn cheap and freely available, you probably should, too.

Well after the Eliot Spitzer scandal has subsided and bronzed call girl Ashley Dupré no longer makes headlines, she's dropped her case against Girls Gone Wild's entrepreneurial ex-con Joe Francis over the online release of a video characteristic of Francis's oeuvre. We can only hope the young Dupré, pictured here in her high school yearbook, walked away with not just a settlement up front but points on the back end. Sadly, the market cap on her performance can have only been diminished by the wait — I can imagine a band manager-type, buoyed by well-bankrolled rap videos, holding out for mainstream money.

Oh, excellent, poor Joe Francis and his Girls Gone Wild franchise will now almost definitely not have to pay any damages for releasing a Hooker Gone Wild video featuring former Gov. Eliot Spitzer call girl Ashley Dupre, because he has produced a video of Dupre totally consenting to the whole thing. The video was filmed just outside a shower, logically, and Dupre looks almost definitely drunk. Also, she's only 17.