Oscar winner Forest Whitaker was wrongly accused of shoplifting and subjected to a humiliating pat down at a Morningside Heights deli on Friday morning.

After a three-decade residency at Vogue, contributing editor André Leon Talley is leaving the magazine. Beyond the masthead, you might recognize ALT from his Louis Vuitton-clad tennis practice in The September Issue, or simply for his glorious collection of capes.

The West Village's storied Magnolia Bakery was shuttered by the Health Department Thursday due to a mouse infestation. Spokespeople predicted the Bleecker Street shop would reopen today, but a call to the bakery has confirmed that it remains closed.

Hilaria Thomas, wife and soon-to-be baby mama of Jack "Alec Baldwin" Donaghy, faces a lawsuit from a student injured in her Manhattan yoga class last month.

Every issue, Us Weekly runs a feature called "25 Things You Don't Know About Me," in which a celebrity, ostensibly, writes up interesting 25 facts about themselves (and then an intern transliterates their incomprehensible hieroglyphics into human letters). Normally, these lists give readers a chance to learn 24 things they already knew about a celebrity (Zooey Deschanel started "a comedy website" called Hello Giggles) plus one weird, new fact (Zooey Deschanel hates papaya).

An essay today by Brian McGreevy on Vulture.com about Lena Dunham begins this way: "Girls creator and star Lena Dunham is debatably the most significant figure currently working in television..." Wait. Stop. Allow us to stop you right there, before this goes any further.

As science predicted, the universe, in its magisterial indifference, has not bothered destroying life on Earth right now. You'd better thaw something out for dinner. Might as well go ahead and tell the people you love that you love them, though.

A few days ago, a remix of Autotuned warbler Future's "Karate Chop" made its way onto the Internet. Metaphorical extraordinaire Lil Wayne guests on the track and in his own Autotuned warble, delivers the line, "Beat that pussy up like Emmett Till."

All the scientists are quite confident that asteroid 2012 DA14 is going to miss us when it comes by at 2:25 Eastern time. It is not all going to come burning through our atmosphere with the force of umpty many hydrogen bombs, burying whole taxa in iridium and ash, reducing human civilization to a concentrated smear of silicon and copper for far-future sentient descendants of lobsters to mull over as they drill down into old rock, seeking whatever mineral resources the industries of the lobster-people will depend on. Definitely not. It is not even big enough accomplish that, really, even if it did hit us. The appointed minute will come and 2012 DA14 will almost certainly swing harmlessly past our planet, right under our communications satellites, and back out into the interplanetary void till its next pass.

Jonah Lehrer, promising young golden boy of Gladwellian think-journalism, has had a bad eight months. Caught plagiarizing himself last June; soon after, caught fabricating quotes, and forced to resign from his plum gig at the New Yorker, and rapidly cast out of the chosen fold to wander the wilderness as a sort of fallen angel. Even the Knight Foundation, which just this week paid Lehrer $20K for his big mea culpa speech, is already saying that it regrets doing so. Some are urging him to donate the money to charity. All in all, his no doubt meticulously-planned return to the spotlight has fallen flat.

On their way back from Brazil, where they were busy posing like Jesus and partying beneath Will Smith, Kim Kardashian and Kanye West got into some trouble at JFK Airport. After their flight from Rio landed, KimYe passed through customs and then an American Airlines' employee allowed them to bypass a security checkpoint on the way to their connecting flight to LA. When the TSA realized the security breach, they forced the couple to deplane to a private area of the jetway, where they were privately screened. You know, just the way the TSA would respond if a normal couple skipped through security.

Two-time Father of the Bride Steve Martin became a first-time father of a human being in early December when his wife, Anne Stringfield, 41, gave birth to a baby. His rep just got around to confirming the news to People today. Steve Martin is 67.

Animated pile of muscle and sideburns Hugh Jackman is the subject of a fawning Hollywood Reporter cover story by Stephen Galloway. The piece most notably touches on the rumors of gayness that are as synonymous with Jackman's public profile as his Wolverine character. Don't expect much probing, however, from an article that refers to its subject as a "complex and far-ranging figure" and "open and immensely likable." Jackman doesn't want to be probed. Can't you hear him?

Last night, Sen. Marco Rubio (R-Fla.) got cottonmouthed, wiped and licked his lips and finally interrupted his delivery of the GOP response to the State of the Union to bend over and drink some water. By now, you've read someone explaining why this proves Rubio is not presidential material. Or is. Whatever.

After all that brouhaha over Ted Nugent — you know, the guy who threatened to kill President Obama — getting invited to the State of the Union by Rep. Steve Stockman (R-TX), the hard-talking, pants-shitting rocker was seldom seen throughout the evening.

Approaching today, the first anniversary of the death of Whitney Houston, I have been thinking about the way the pop star voiced her displeasure with her career during the last 10 years of her life. She became increasingly irritated by the attention she received, ranting about it in song and on reality TV. She was sick of sharing her amazing gift with the world, a gift that she neglected over time by smoking things like cigarettes, marijuana, and cocaine. She had been one of the most famous, most objectively talented people in the world and she got sick of it.

Over the course of her twenty-six years on Earth (version C), Lindsay Lohan has learned that she is bad at many things. She is bad at not breaking the law. She is bad at managing her temper. She is bad at Liz Taylor.

NBA star (and one-time rapper) Kobe Bryant is the latest sports star to take a firm pro-gay stand publicly.

Last week, CBS emailed all the stars attending the Grammys and asked them to cover their breasts with fabric before they arrived.

Since the Great Recession struck several years ago, nearly a quarter of Americans have been laid off themselves, and another 50% of Americans have seen a friend or family member lose their job. Each week, we bring you true stories of unemployment, straight from the unemployed. This is what's happening out there.