The 13th annual Gathering of the Juggalos is underway in Cave-in-Rock, Ill., this weekend, and the ninjas are not fucking around this year: Violent J and Shaggy 2 Dope, the godfathers of the Juggalo movement and the duo that comprises the Insane Clown Posse, reportedly sat everyone down in the seminar tent this afternoon to announce that they're taking legal action against the FBI.
Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are expected to become married against their will this weekend, thanks to the Power of Positive Thinking.
Here is a true story ripped directly from the pages of real life: at the gym, on a crowded week night, there was some dude, just as proud as he could be, doing yoga in front of the weight rack. The weight rack that I needed to use. Stone-cold down on one knee, neck twisted, hand aloft, in the "Can You Believe I'm Actually Doing This Right Here" pose. Can you believe this dude? You know?
Seeking an even less user-friendly alternative to vinyl, singer Beck has announced that his upcoming album will be released solely as individual pieces of sheet music, placing the onus of "playing music that can be heard" on consumers themselves.
The Wall Street Journal ran a piece Wednesday profiling the odd guild of house elves whose job it is to wipe up sweat left behind by athletes in court sports like badminton, volleyball, handball and basketball. They are known as "sweat moppers." Here's what they can teach us:
God's most exquisite human, Stacey Dash, was hospitalized for "dehydration" (and maybe, a little bit, attention) early Tuesday morning, according to TMZ.
So, okay. This is where we are, as a nation. On Monday, Barack Obama addressed a crowd in Stamford, Connecticut and described Mitt Romney's tax plan as "Robin Hood in reverse. It's Romney Hood." Yesterday, Romney told a Fox News reporter that Obama's terms are "Obamaloney." Everyone in America now has free rein to address both candidates as "Beavis."
Lots of speculation at this point, but here's what we know: Rupert Sanders met with his estranged model wife Liberty Ross earlier today. The building where they met has offices inside, and apparently two of those offices are rented by professional marriage counselors. Yesterday, Ross was seen walking around without her wedding ring, and later that day she was seen standing near an unidentified man who was holding a phone.
The dumbest story to come out of this year's London Olympics isn't about the judo competitor who alleges he accidentally ate a weed brownie before coming to London, or whether the guy from America's crew team had a boner while getting his bronze medal (though he definitely did, and that's alright, it happens). The dumbest story is that American politicians are now attempting to exempt Olympians from the taxes they have historically paid on their prize money. Even Obama, the socialist who hates victory, is on board with the plan. And you thought Ryan Lochte was simple?
During a shareholders conference call last week, "Papa" John Schnatter, founder and CEO of the pizza chain that bears his name, issued a warning to consumers that, unless Obamacare is repealed, the company's pizza prices are likely to increase.
Here's a picture of American rower Henrik Rummel receiving his new bronze medal while sporting a boner. He's the second one from the left, in case you missed the giant erection. All told, U.S. rowers won two bronze medals and one gold. Below is a video of the ceremony. [UPDATE: Rummel claims he was 'not erect.']
America's hottest after-hours discotheque is Club Applebee's.
Men the world over are infamous for having balls—although testes, being considerably smaller than breasts and also much less adept at producing breast milk, are often overshadowed by bazoongas in lists of favorite sexual organs.
This week's home-video release of LOL marks Demi Moore's tenth straight bomb. The film, which Lionsgate virtually buried during its miniscule theatrical run, took in a reported $46,500 at the domestic box office — about $10.95 million less than its budget. The movie is bad, the reason the Razzies exist.
Something about the Olympics really does it for Prince William and the Artist Formerly Known as Kate Middleton. These two have been all over the games and all over each other since the events kicked off last week.
