[Parisian women give their feet a real workout today while competing in a "Race on Heels" where they must run around a 50-meter track in high heels. Image via Getty]

Italian novelist Umberto Eco, the go-to intellectual for journalists worldwide, has deconstructed the human obsession with all things listy. The bottom line for editors: Your listicles help readers brush off a terrifying universe of infinite chaos.

A National Security Agency director just bragged to a Senate subcommittee about his agency's close "cooperation" with Microsoft to, err, "enhance" how Windows 7 guards a user's privacy. Doesn't that just make you feel all warm and fuzzy?

Marble-eyed Englishman Jude Law made the mistake of moving into a condo right next door to an NYU dorm. What are you, Jude Law—dumb? Heh. He deals with female fans by throwing produce at them.

[Jimmy Fallon and Joseph Gordon-Levitt look like a tiny gay wedding cake topper with their pose at the American Museum of Natural History's Museum Gala last night. Image via Getty]

[There's nothing to hide the flaws in an extreme closeup of Secretary of State Hillary Clinton taken during a press conference at the U.S. embassy in Kabul today. Image via Getty]

[Model Ana Beatriz Barros concentrates really hard on spelling her texts correctly while being made up for the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show in New York today. Image via Getty]

According to the New York Times' Danny Hakim, Rudolph Giuliani has decided not to run for governor of New York next year, despite publicly flirting with the idea for months. Is a shoe somewhere about to drop?

In your foreboding Thursday media column: Rumors of veterans departing their jobs far and wide, Anthony Kennedy's story weakens, newspapers and magazines lose huge money, and Jon Fine's media gig disappears.

Jeanne-Claude, the wife of wrap-happy artist Christo and his artistic collaborator for more than 50 years, died from a brain aneurysm last night at the age of 74. Her favorite project, she said: "the next one." [AP]

Socialite, model, and cool movie star Lydia Hearst loves her some Twitter. While it's great to tell us that she's going to a Twilight screening tonight (OMG!), she should not use it to engage the right-wingnuts who attack her.

Rupert Murdoch has apologized for blaming the polarization of our political debate on the fact that New York Gov. David Paterson is "blind, and can't read braille, and doesn't know what's going on."

Kristen Stewart's corruption of Dakota Fanning is complete, Joe Francis is filing for bankruptcy, and Kirstie Alley says Conan "acts like I bit his dick off." Thursday's gossip has castration anxiety.

[Lydia Hearst shows a bunch of immovable dolls how this modeling thing is done at the MoMA's Second Annual Film Benefit honoring Tim Burton last night. Image via Getty]

Judging purely by outward appearances, you might guess that Learning Annex instructor Donald Trump is still some sort of "big wheel" in the casino business. But actually he is barely even in the business any more, because he's a loser.

Supreme Court Justice Anthony Kennedy demands that you listen closely as he clears the air on this whole "Anthony Kennedy tried to censor a high school newspaper" thing, by blaming it on his staff. Anthony Kennedy loves kids. And newspapers!

Forrester Research has a new study out that Rupert Murdoch should probably download: Of 4,000 people polled, 80 percent will not pay for online newspapers or magazines, and the rest are divided on how they want to pay.

OK, we get it—Sienna Miller walks her dog. Does that mean you have to take her picture doing it every god damn day? No! And this isn't the only snap we see ad infinitum. Make it stop!

[A covered man ogling barely dressed women at the FIFA Beach Soccer World Cup. It's like the past, present, and the future having a sexy threeway before our very eyes. Image via Getty via Jezebel.]

[Tina Fey gets fey lessons from Simon Doonan, creative director of Barneys New York, last night when the store unveiled its holiday windows that were inspired by Saturday Night Live. Image via Getty]