Martha Stewart's (former) friend Mariana Pasternak has just released her backstabby tell-all book The Best of Friends: Martha and Me. We have culled some of its bitchy allegations for your reading pleasure! Today: Martha drives dangerously, is insane about animals.

[The owners of this house in Little Falls, New Jersey, probably aren't all that chipper since they're still displaced from their home, which was flooded by the storm that hit the New York area this weekend. Image via Getty]

Floyd, a German shepherd with German "military-style training," recently bit his new owners' babysitter on the breast and hand. She's now suing. While under J-Lo's care, 2005-2007, the hound attacked a private jet stewardess. Why is Floyd so angry?

The TLC tried to lure commuters into its cab sharing scheme with free breakfast today. It failed, as did giving away balloons yesterday. Maybe it's time to admit that, like "fetch" and soccer in America, this isn't going to take?

Jay-Z is a pretty good rapper. Jay-Z is not the best rapper ever. Jay-Z is not a role model. Jay-Z is not a hip hop hero. Not even for you, cool kids. Get off Jay-Z's dick.

The man who secretly videotaped ESPN reporter Erin Andrews nude in her hotel room—and then tried to sell the tape—has been sentenced to 30 months in prison. [AP]

Two Canadian psychologists have released a study warning that "green products do not necessarily make for better people," and that when compared to everyone else, a tree-hugger will always rip you off first.

LuAnn, the Countess of Crackerjacks, may have written the book on etiquette, but she was behaving disgracefully at a party this weekend. Do we really expect any of the Housewives to behave like real ladies? Dirty details inside.

In your rainy Monday media column: God tries to kill celebrity news using the weather, the New York Times is a totally great newspaper!, and USA Today arrives in Starbucks.

Celebrated and Oscar-laden British expat couple Sam Mendes, a Director, and Kate Winslet, an Actress, announced today that they have separated, after seven years of marriage. We always liked this couple and thought they'd stay together forever. Ah well. [People]

Carol Bartz must be getting lonely. First one of the Yahoo CEO's assistants ditched her a for hipper chief executive. And now her top salesperson is doing likewise — and Bartz learned about it by reading the news.

Stars on Ice denies it, but Johnny is so over them, anyway. He might even start a rival showcase, with Lady Gaga. It's cute how he thinks if he says her name enough, she'll pull a Tinkerbell and magically appear.

Jessica Simpson does not brush her teeth. Like, ever. The Celebrity Industrial Complex thinks this is big news you want to know. Really, do we have nothing else to talk about?

Yele Haiti, the sketchy foundation that Wyclef Jean founded to help the Haitian people—which received millions in the outpouring of generosity following the wake of the earthquake there—paid Jean's mistress and personal assistant $105,000 in 2008.

Google's CEO went to Abu Dhabi this week and preached. He sermonized about Google's exceptional virtue — its indifference to profit and supreme trustworthiness. His speech should have been shocking. Except that delusional self-righteousness is now routine at Google.

[This isn't a jumper. It's one of 31 life-size fiberglass statues installed by British artist Antony Gormley around NYC yesterday. Image via Getty]

For the first time in awhile more designers are showing fur than not. No matter how many sit-ins PETA stages, how much red paint it throws, or how many naked celebrities it puts on billboards, our animalistic tendencies live on!

Isn't it amazing that with all those mistresses doing all those interviews, no one never mentioned Tiger's, uh, size? Thanks to intrepid gossip journalist Jo Piazza and kiss-and-teller Jamie Jungers we now have our answer. [Pic via Getty]

You'd think the Twitter fight with Adam Lambert would've been a trial by fire, but tragic, handsome Aaron Hicklin was confused and forlorn on his cellphone last night, tweeting messages that appear to be intended for email or text.

[Michelle Obama ambled down her block to the Smithsonian today to donate her inaugural gown by Jason Wu to the museum's collection where it will not be upstaged by Aretha Franklin's hat. Image via Getty