Yesterday, pirates in the Gulf of Aden commandeered a ship "carrying steel chains," which you don't want to fall into pirate hands. So the US Marines—for the first time ever—stormed and retook the vessel. Exciting battle details below.

NBC's Today show made a serious play for Lindsay Lohan's first post-jail interview, but the troubled starlet may now be leaning towards the Oprah Winfrey Show, which is in its final season. Who can resist the lure of Oprah's couch?

Do you have a gap between your two front teeth? Don't be ashamed! In fact, you should run quickly to your nearest modeling agency! That's right: Gap teeth are totally fashionable, right now.

CNN isn't the only outlet looking to replicate the sexual tension-driven success of MSNBC's Morning Joe! Politico will run weekly columns by host Joe Scarborough, with Slate founder Michael Kinsley providing the Sam-and-Diane will-they-or-won't-they suspense in lieu of Mika Brzezinski.

According to ABC News, more than a quarter of translators working with soldiers in Afghanistan didn't know how to speak Pashto or Dari. Which explains the latest reports that put Osama bin Laden in a 24-hour Kabul diner.

Moms and dads, you might be disappointed with how your kids turned out. But always remember it's not as bad as it could be. Edgar Valdez Villarreal went from a high school football star in Texas to Mexican drug lord.

In a lawsuit Britney Spears' bodyguard accuses her of sexual harassment. In it he claims she made "repeated unwanted sexual advances" toward him. This would have been a good one of those fake "headlines from the future" back in 2000.

To promote himself for fashion week, Flock of Seagulls-coiffed Project Runway winner Christian Siriano gave an interview saying he is often mistaken for an "Asian lesbian." He also talked trash about "old" Brooke Shields and "trashy" Hailey Duff.

Scandal isn't particularly costly in Silicon Valley. Just ask Mark Hurd, who was pushed out as Hewlett Packard CEO for falsifying expense reports, amid sexual harassment charges, and now has a posh new job and a platinum parachute.

In your celebratory Wednesday media column: Brandon Holley makes it back to the magazine world, Tina Brown vows not to join the magazine world, Arianna Huffington's in her own world, and the WSJ's digital prez is out.

New York Mayor Mike Bloomberg says Pastor Terry Jones has the right to burn Korans on 9/11! (Even though Mike finds it "distasteful"). What is with Bloomberg these days, throwing his weight behind unpopular things, like "the Constitution"?

[Linda Celeste Sims skirts the issues while performing a tribute to Alvin Ailey American Dance Theater's artistic director Judith Jamison today at the inaugural event of Michelle Obama's White House Dance Series. Image via Getty]

Former Friday Night Lights star and current Derek Jeter-dater Minka Kelly is currently on a flight from JFK to LAX and apparently had an enormous dog-related meltdown during takeoff preparations. It's the best kind of starlet story.

General David Petraeus, commander of U.S. forces in Afghanistan, says nutbar pastor Terry Jones' "Burn a Koran Day" could "endanger troops." Not that Pastor Jones cares! "We are revealing the violence of Islam," he told ABC. What a fun guy.

Los Angeles has named a new high school of environment science after former vice president Al Gore and author/activist Rachel Carson. And what better way to honor the two great environmentalists than by building the school on a contaminated site?

Oracle co-president Charles Phillips—the subject of an ex-mistress's embarrassing billboard campaign—has left the computing giant. But Oracle will maintain its "scandalous co-presidents" quota: It's hired former HP CEO Mark Hurd, who was just fired—thanks to a Playboy model.

Kanye West's Twitter apology shocks a nation on vacation. Chelsea Clinton: smooching. Sam and Ronnie: Also smooching. Justin Bieber: dancing with Will Smith's son. Sunday Gossip Round up is like a flower petal caught in a wild stallion's mane.

A new poll suggests that 77% of Britons don't think taxpayers should have to pay for Pope Benedict XVI's £12 million visit later this month. No wonder, considering the Vatican has already banned all fun at the Pope's events.

[Some 34 million Americans are driving somewhere fabulous for the weekend. Actually they're probably stuck in a traffic jam like this one in Oakland. Enjoy the long weekend, folks. Try not to spend it all in the car. Image: Getty]

Stephen Hawking's new book, The Grand Design, is a nuanced analysis of the intertwining of metaphysics and physics through the ages. But all anyone wants to talk about is that the book says God wasn't needed to create the Universe.