In your vacation-ready Wednesday media column: Jon Meacham's really nice, Cathie Black's tentative future, Howard Stringer's name gaffe, Glenn Greenwald vs. The Nation, and very fine hackery.

As soon as news broke last week that veteran Hollywood publicist Ronni Chasen had been gunned down in her car in Beverly Hills for no apparent reason, the conspiracy theories began. Finally, Page Six has said hell, let's print some.

The man just can't go a day without saying something annoying. Also today: You actually might get invited to the Wedding of the Century, Kim Kardashian is totally doing things, and an in-depth analysis of the Bristol Palin affair.

George W. Bush has accomplished quite a feat — he's sold 1.1 million copies of his debut historical novel, Decision Points (135,000 e-books!) since its release on November 9. How 'bout a round of applause for the old cowboy?

New York's no bullshit governor-elect Andrew Cuomo is more than just a shrewd politician — he's now one of People magazine's sexiest men alive! How does he maintain his sexiness? "A lot of it's just natural. It's genetic sculpting." Oh.

[The French are so ready for the holidays they've already lit the Christmas lights along the Champs Elysees in Paris. Photo via Getty]

The Bobo Brooklyn super couple, she the actress and he the filmmaker, are divorcing. They were married in 2005 and have a baby son, of whom Leigh, who filed the divorce, is seeking full custody. Park Slope weeps tonight.

Mad Men star January Jones has landed a new gig. She's been hired as the new "face of Versace." For it she will just have sit there and look pretty while wearing expensive dresses. Play to your strengths, Jan.

Pope Benedict says that all people—not just male prostitutes—can use condoms> But only to prevent HIV, not for birth control. Thanks for giving us permission, but the only old German we're taking sex advice from is Dr. Ruth.

[Beyoncé and Mary J Blige flank a silver alien, who crashed to Earth and landed on a red carpet in New York, asking to be taken to our leader. We think she meant Jay-Z. Image via Getty]

Park51, the proposed Islamic community center and mosque in downtown Manhattan, has applied for federally-funded grants, prompting shrill cries that the "Ground Zero mosque" is looking for a taxpayer handout.

Help us understand this big scandal in India: journalists were caught "having inappropriate conversations with a corporate lobbyist and acting more like power brokers." Huh. In America we give journalists prime editorial columns for that! Thomas Friedman's stumped. [WaPo]

It's true. We know where and when the amazing ceremony will be. Will you be invited?? Sit by your mailbox and wait! Also today: Miley Cyrus dares to be a teenager, Sandra Bullock is accosted, and Bristol Palin news.

The head of Iran's High Council for Human Rights told state-run Press TV that Sakineh Mohammadi Ashtiani, the woman sentenced to death by stoning for adultery, could avoid execution: "There is a good chance that her life could be saved."

One South Korean soldier is reportedly dead, and 13 injured after North Korea shot dozens of artillery shells at the South Korean island of Yeonpyeong. South Korean military is on high alert, while everyone else tries not to freak out.

[The War on Christmas has begun again in earnest! Christian activist group Faith and Action staged a live nativity scene outside the U.S. Supreme Court, just to show that they could. Click through for more photos. Images via Getty.]

Actor Charlie Sheen is suing porn star Capri Anderson for extortion, claiming that she demanded a million dollars in exchange for keeping quiet about his probation violations. He also says she stole his $165,000 Patek Philippe watch. True love!

A 2006 report questioning the validity of climate change methodology has been touted by climate change skeptics as evidence that this whole "global warming" thing is a silly prank. Only: A third of the report was plagiarized.

John Yoo, the lawyer who drafted the Bush Justice Department's "torture memos," compares George W. Bush's decision to waterboard suspected terrorists (based on his legal advice) to a driver's decision to go the full speed limit.

Traffic data provider NAVTEQ says New York has the slowest-moving traffic in the country and three of the 10 slowest-moving freeways. In good news, traffic fatalities in the city are at an all-time low. You'll die sitting in gridlock instead!