Recently, Yahoo! News commissioned a couple Pulitzer Prize winners and also James Franco to write poems on the subject of Barack Obama's second inauguration. The full text of James Franco's poem is available here. You also have the option of watching him read the poem into a webcam while lying down in bed wearing a t-shirt, which we highly recommend doing, if only for the funny way he says "little burrito place." Here, I've responded to James Franco's poem with a poem.

It's almost the night before Inauguration Day and no one in the entire city of Washington D.C. has a single thing to wear. The Wall Street Journal provides an investigative report:

Actor and concerned parent Michael J. Fox likely sealed his son Sam's fate Wednesday evening, when he told a reporter from Vulture that he would not advise his 23-year-old to date Taylor Swift.

Everyone was tricked into reading about sports yesterday, after the inspirational story of one college football star suddenly became so riddled with holes, plot twists, and BIG REVEALS, it would not have felt out of place as a character arc on Gossip Girl: Season 2.

Do you long to experience the carnal pleasures of central Long Island, but find yourself unable to make the trip due to scheduling commitments or fear?

Megan Fox is a cuckoo clock rooster crowing "Wack-a-doodle-doo" at the midnight moon, and still the primary focus of her new Esquire profile is that Megan Fox is pretty.

First things first: Did you even know Victor Garber was gay?

Here are two contextual ways to view Justin Timberlake's subdued "Suit & Tie," the first single from his upcoming 20/20 Experience album (his first since 2007's FutureSex/LoveSounds):

Last night, Hollywood had its first dress rehearsal of the awards season: the Golden Globes. As with most rehearsals, a lot of shit went wrong: audio cut out, teleprompters malfunctioned, and several women grabbed the microphone to scream crazy things into it; in another era they might have been burned as witches.

New Yorker staff writer Lawrence Wright's long-awaited Scientology book, Going Clear: Scientology, Hollywood, and the Prison of Belief, will be released this Thursday, and the reviews are already coming in. Based in part on a 2011 profile of director and former Scientologist Paul Haggis, the book focuses primarily on the legacy of L. Ron Hubbard and his successor, David Miscavige. It contains over 200 interviews with both "current and former" Scientologists from all ranks within the organization.

Sounds like Cathy Middleton and her husband Bill had a real nice time for her birthday the other night. They and Cathy's parents and her brother and sister all went and saw that circus—what's that circus? It's like a French circus. Circus du Soleil. Canadian, I guess, you know the one I mean.

If the upcoming Lindsay Lohan/James Deen vehicle The Canyons is half as entertaining as Stephen Rodrick's New York Times Magazine piece about it, it's going to be fantastic. The 8,000-word article reads like an exhaustive documentary on the Paul Schrader-directed, Bret Easton Ellis-written film (that has since been rejected by Sundance). It is what those on Twitter would refer to as a "great read."

Last night, Fox screened about an hour's worth of footage of the first two episodes of the upcoming season of American Idol (premiering Wednesday) to fans and contest winners in movie theaters around the country. It was as weird as it sounds, but thoroughly entertaining. Immediately, it was clear that pitting classic diva (Mariah Carey) against nu-diva (Nicki Minaj) is every bit the genius casting that it seemed to be when it was announced last year. And what's more, Nicki Minaj has emerged as the favorite in this now-legendary, inevitable feud. Minaj wins in the category of what matters most: entertainment value. She is by far the most magnetic persona on the judging panel.

Looks like the X Factor will have to find a new blank-eyed country ham to hurt people's feelings; Britney Spears will not be returning as a judge next season.

Hey, Mack. Who's the most sensual twosome on the block?

Non-Senator Rick Santorum has announced his intention to combat the Senate confirmation of Chuck Hagel for Defense secretary. There's a lot to that sentence, so let me re-state: Rick Santorum, who as a regular, non-elected citizen has no more power than you or me or Bobby McGee, is going to attempt to hold up Chuck Hagel's nomination as Secretary of Defense. Because Congress needs help to be inert and unproductive.

Every girl dreams of one day finding that perfect man whose mom she can forever lend her clothes to. For Eva Mendes, that man is Ryan Gosling. That mom: longtime Mom and 2012 university graduate Donna Gosling.

Mrs. de Prisco's 8th grade World Civ class was rocked Monday by the news that the celebrated relationship between entertainment behemoths Taylor Swift, 23, and Harry Styles, 18, had at last run its course, crashing violently onto jagged rocks off the coast of the British Virgin Islands and sending splinters of its hull into the surf.

Another day, another reason to fall in love with the most exciting duo in R&B, the UK's Alunageorge. Today they played the BBC 1Xtra Live Lounge, where they unveiled the new track "Body Music" and this gem: an upbeat cover of Frank Ocean's glorious "Thinkin Bout You." I had been thinking that Aluna Francis' voice had been manipulated on the group's recordings, but nope, it turns out that she actually just sounds sped up by 15 percent naturally. Unreal.

Justin Bieber fans are disappointed to learn that the 18-year-old singer will be spending eternity rotting in hell, instead of giving free concerts where everyone is in the front row in heaven, after photos of him smoking what appears to be a big fat blunt full of drugs surfaced online over the weekend.