Today at Gawker.TV, A&E's Hoarders discovers the ultimate cat lady, a Spanish Lost, clues your relationship is over, and late night hosts joke at Tiger Woods expense, while the Chinese animate his car crash for the world to see.

George Lopez and Wanda Sykes are both minority comedians hosting new late night shows. They both promised to bring something new to late night. Looks like all they're doing is recycling each other's tired, old, racist jokes.

• Comcast and GE have reportedly agreed that Jeff Zucker will remain the CEO of NBC Universal as part of their proposed $30 billion joint venture. Well done, gentlemen. Good to see things get started on the right foot. [Reuters]
• In related news, Zucker's totally brilliant plan to move Jay Leno to 10pm is paying off beautifully. Leno sank to a brand new ratings low last night. [NYT]
• Anita Dunn, the White House communications director who started the administration's war with Fox News last month, is stepping down. [WP]
• Hey, it's not all bad news for Condé Nast. Self is doing pretty well. [WWD]
• The creators of Will & Grace are working on a Twitter-inspired show. [THR]
• The nominations for the 2010 People's Choice Awards were announced today, just in case you happen to be care about that sort of thing. [LAT]
• Aerosmith is looking for new lead singer, in case you're job-hunting. [LAT]
• George Lopez and Wanda Sykes' debuts this week scored solid ratings. [NYT]
• Simon Cowell made $75 million last year, earning him the top spot on Forbes' list of primetime's top-earning men. Ryan Seacrest exploded in tears when he heard he came in No. 3 with $38 million. Or so we'd like to think. [Forbes]

Hollywood know it's all in the title. What else after all, distinguishes a Saw 5 from a Cirque du Freak: The Vampire's Assistant?

• After another wild day in court, Christie Brinkley and Peter Cook settled their latest round of legal issues yesterday. But not before Brinkley called her ex an "extreme narcissist," and Cook returned the favor by telling reporters she was an "angry, bitter, vindictive woman." At least it's nice to know they still have feelings for each other, though! [NYP, NYDN]
• As easy as it is to picture Courtney Love sitting in front of her computer punching numbers into an Excel spreadsheet, it turns out she may not be the best financial planner in the world. Love owes $300K in back taxes, according to the government. [TMZ]
• Michael Lohan says he knows who Lindsay's drug dealer is and he plans to reveal all in an effort to "save" his daughter. So who is he? "He has no job. He does nothing. All he does is supply everyone in LA." Call us crazy, but supplying "everyone" in LA sounds like a pretty good job to us. [Radar, NYDN]
• Get ready to see a lot more of Megan Fox dressed in, well, not much: Giorgio Armani has tapped her to star in his new underwear ad campaign. [WWD]

Do you feel that? Those are George Carlin's acid tears falling from heaven. There are some mainstays on the millionaire funny-man list. But there is one depressing shocker. Can you guess who?

Courtney Love sitting on a stoop with a friend in the West Village ... Usher arriving at JFK ... Whitney Port hanging out with a friend in SoHo ... LeBron James walking around in Harlem ... Lindsay Lohan heading into Blue & Cream on Bowery ... Donald Sutherland carrying luggage outside the London NYC in Midtown ... Diane Sawyer walking in Times Square ... Queen Latifah getting in a limo ... Rihanna going to dinner at Scalinatella on East 61st Street ... Alessandra Ambrosio carrying daughter Anja Louise in the Village ... Tracy Morgan sitting down on the set of A Couple of Cops in Brooklyn ... Ashley Tisdale grabbing coffee with boyfriend Scott Speer ... Melissa Joan Hart walking in Midtown ... Michelle Pfeiffer getting out of an SUV outside ABC Studios ... George Lopez leaving his hotel in Midtown ... Robert Pattinson filming scenes for his new movie, Remember Me, in Greenwich Village ... and Heidi Klum leaving Bar Pitti.

Michael Moore turns 55 today. Social fixture (and Estee Lauder heiress) Aerin Lauder Zinterhofer is turning 39. Model Jessica Stam is 23. Writer Ken Auletta is turning 67. Former NBC CEO Bob Wright is 66. Actor Kal Penn is turning 32. Model/actress Jaime King turns 30. Former New Line co-chief Michael Lynne is 68. Real estate heiress and socialite Beth Rudin DeWoody is turning 57. Comedian George Lopez is turning 48. Valerie Bertinelli is 49. And Slumdog Millionaire star Dev Patel is 19.

Zac Efron continues his reign of mild terror, Freida Pinto is cool beans, George Lopez gets a talk show (shudder), and two fine actors will play two fine politicians in a flick about the Clintons.

• Hachette is looking to sell a big bunch of magazines, including Road & Track, Car & Driver, American Photo, Boating, Cycle World, Sound & Vision, and Flying. Package deals available; financing not so much. [AdAge, MW]
• Dick Parsons will step down from the Time Warner board in May. [Crains]
• Time Warner is buying a stake in Ron Lauder's European TV company. [PC]
• Discovery chief David Zaslav is "cable's fastest rising star," according to Forbes. Also: You're welcome to call him "Zazz" if you'd like. [Forbes]
• More on the media tour that Eliot Spitzer has been on recently. [NYO]
• It seems the Obama administration is looking at ways to avoid the "filter of the mainstream media." That sounds familiar, doesn't it? [Politico]
• Further proof that CNBC sucks, assuming you need some. [MediaMatters]
• Barry Meyer and Alan Horn will spend two more years at Warner Bros. [THR]
• George Lopez has a new talk show on TBS. Contain your excitement. [NYT]

Photographic evidence of last Saturday's dogs-only preview of Beverly Hills Chihuahua has arrived at Defamer HQ, and it looks like precisely the kind of shrill, infernal canine redoubt we thought might occur when more than 300 chihuahuas and their owners piled into the Fine Arts Theater. The user reviews to date are positive overall ("IT WAS THE BEST MOVE [sic] EVER !!!! THANK YOU !!!" wrote one satisfied small-dog exploiter], but only trustworthy to the extent you can rely on the taste of people who stuff diminutive pooches into makeshift sweaters, tuxedos and other garments for a day on on the town. But that's OK! One critic apparently had an early look at the film, either busting Disney's review embargo or pimping it outright for a price — let it suffice to say he liked it. Still, even after a review with 12 chapters and seemingly no spoiler left unpeeled, we don't really get why:

Our obsession with Disney's forthcoming nature extravaganza Beverly Hills Chihuahua has resulted in feverish demands for an earlier release date and, failing that, an unabating anticipation of the day when we can plunk down our $10 for studio's garish, G-rated monument to ethno-canine stereotypes. The bastards appear to be listening, however, as a new teaser making the rounds features the angry, George Lopez-voiced hero Papi rallying the diminutive troops, wetting panties and calling for "mas" all-you-can-eat taco bars and "no mas" handbag accessorizing. Seriously — who can wait for this?

WHEREAS, Walt Disney Pictures has made available online this week its trailer for the animated/live-action film Beverly Hills Chihuahua, and

While Friday's announcement that groundbreaking ABC/Geico sitcomfomercial Cavemen made the fall schedule was met with the popping of champagne corks in Defamer HQ and quickly followed by boozy expressions of admiration for the network's rare combination of business savvy and social conscience, not everyone was overjoyed to hear the news. The LAT Show Tracker blog reports that after president Steve McPherson called to break the news that his eponymous sitcom had grown too expensive to renew for a sixth season, George Lopez raged against the pro-Neanderthal programming policies that will deny him a timeslot:

Let's get one thing straight: No matter how ABC decides to sell its back-to-back "Latin hour" programming block of The George Lopez Show and Freddie, Lopez's hacky Mexican jokes and Prinze's housecoat-wearing, voodoo-Catholic grandmother stereotype should be judged unfunny on their own merits: