• Who hasn't looked at buying BusinessWeek by now? Daily News and US News owner Mort Zuckerman appears to be the latest mogul to join the party. [BW]
• The wave of job cuts at Condé Nast could begin in a few weeks or in a few months, depending on who you ask. But either way, it's going to be ugly. [NYO]
• Fox News continues to trounce the competition: Both CNN and MSNBC experienced big declines in ratings during the third quarter. The situation appears to be especially bleak at CNBC, however. [B&C, HuffPo, ZH]
• Simon & Schuster is shaking things up at a couple of its imprints. [Crain's]
• The New York Times is planning to introduce a Chicago-centric edition of the paper. That's in addition to the San Fran edition launching this fall. [NYT]
• Related: Is the New York Times going to start charging readers to access its website? That's still unclear, but the answer should be coming soon. [NYO]
• "Print is undead," reports the undead print newspaper the Village Voice. [VV]

If you expect the results of that headline to be anything but spectacular, stop reading, click past the jump now. Anna Paquin's doggy ring, Khloe Kardashian, Neve Campbell, Snoop Dogg, BBC sitcoms. Presenting your ridiculous Saturday Morning Gossip Roundup:

• Just as Jude Law is getting ready to play Hamlet on Broadway next month, his most recent baby mama, model Samantha Burke, has her lawyers offering up an exclusive interview and pics of their soon-to-be-born love child. Ah, there's nothing like milking a little publicity. [P6]
• Madonna bailed on Marc Jacobs' after-party at Hiro on Monday eve despite attending his show. Not to worry: Lindsay Lohan, Mischa Barton, and Rachel Zoe were all there, so there were plenty of people to stir up trouble. [NYDN]
• It looks like LiLo has made her 15-year-old sister, Ali, her new partner-in-crime when she goes out to party at night. We have a feeling this isn't going to end well. [MSNBC]
• Michelle Williams opens up about Heath Ledger's death in Vogue's October issue: "After the first year, the pain is less intense; it's less immediate... But every time I really miss him and wonder where he's gone, I just look at [Matilda]," she tells the magazine. [Vogue]

Jessica Simpson hopes a coyote returns her dog. Bill hoped that Hillary would be Al's vice-president. And Jude Law's baby-mama hopes to make a buck. Good morning, and welcome to your Wednesday morning Gossip Roundup!

It's on in Toronto. Despite pre-festival buzz about the death of independent film and grown-up distribution, turns out there's still enough hype to light up on Canadian city.

In all the shattered, diminished world of people who still care about grown-up, prestigey, high-dramatical filmmaking there is one thing that matters, and that thing is George Clooney.

Hollywood's on the road today — beginning the six month slog to Oscar season up in Toronto. But who'd they leave at home to help Tyler Perry carry this weekend's haul to his Bentley? It's all in the trades.

Gwyneth needs a better bra. The gays need not beg to kiss George Clooney. And Megan Fox knows she doesn't need a sex tape. All that and more in your Wednesday morning Gossip Roundup!

[George Clooney closes his eyes and imagines himself in a better place while walking the red carpet with girlfriend Elisabetta Canalis at the premiere of The Men Who Stare at Goats at the Venice Film Festival. Image via Getty]

• Relationships: Sean Penn may have a new girlfriend now that he and Robin Wright Penn are divorcing; Nick Lachey appears to have reunited with Vanessa Minnillo; Khloe Kardashian has a new boyfriend; and George Clooney is no longer trying to hide his relationship with Italian TV star Elisabetta Canalis.

• George Michael is back in the news and, as usual, it has nothing to do with his music. The singer was arrested on Friday for driving drunk when he crashed his car into a truck. Michael, however, is insisting he was sober at the time. So maybe he's just a bad driver? [NYDN, E!]
• Is Joe Simpson trying to push the producers of American Idol to hire Jessica Simpson to replace Paula Abdul? That's the rumor. [P6]
• Amy Winehouse's soon-to-be ex-husband, Blake Fielder-Civil says the singer has been "begging him to get back together." Uh oh. [DM]
• Beyoncé has been brushing up on her dance skills by "secretly" enrolling in ballet lessons at the Alvin Ailey School of Dance. [NYDN]

Sherri Shepherd tried to religionize Andy Dick, Heidi claims Spencer makes her orgasm 20-30 times a day, the George Clooney gay rumors are back, Nick Lachey is lonely, Lindsay Lohan scored an acting gig and Mischa Barton has cellulite.

• Olympic swimmer Michael Phelps got into a car accident in Baltimore last night, but there were no serious injuries reported. [NYDN]
• The father of Khloe Kardashian's baby is her on-again, off-again boyfriend, Scott Disick. She was hoping to keep the info a secret to get people to tune into her upcoming reality show, but then her sister Kim ruined the surprise. [P6]
• Don't be surprised if you hear Mischa Barton's checked herself into the hospital again. She's been out, oh, two weeks now and the British tabloids are focusing on all the cellulite she has, poor thing. [DM]
• Heidi Pratt says she has "20-30 orgasms per day" with husband Spencer Pratt. Could this be because she experiences what she thinks is an orgasm every time she sees her name appear in tabloid or gossip outlet? Just an idea. [P6]

IRS authorities are after Nick Cage, Clooney shows off his new lady-friend, Jude Law met the mother of his latest child on the street at 4am, Britney Spears has a new do and a Sopranos movie is in the works.

Jessica Simpson's breakup was caused by her idolatry of a plastic toy. Amy Winehouse has fun adventures with a private dick. Lindsay Lohan's employed, Saved By The Bell, Charles Manson, Mary Cheney, and more. Here's your Sunday Morning Gossip Roundup:

Seth Rogen and Judd Apatow trash Katherine Heigl, Joe Jackson confirms Michael Jackson's Norwegian lovechild, Britney mocks K-Fed's weight gain, Robert Redford dislikes Scarlett Johansson, Jessica Simpson has an expensive new reality show and Sienna Miller needs love.

Oh, Wes Anderson! It looked as though you squandered your immense talent with a spate of insufferably quirky, predictable, awkward young man flicks. Could a stop-motion kids' film bring you out of your self-parodying slump?

Jude Law has knocked up an unnamed lady-friend, Mel Gibson attacks someone in a club, George Clooney has an Italian "lapdance model" by his side, Mischa Barton's friends are worried about her and Amy Winehouse's dad fakes a heart attack.

• The love affair that the media once had with Megan Fox is clearly waning. Now that she's promoted the Transformers movie in every possible venue on the planet, a bunch of editors have picked Aug. 4 as "Megan Fox media blackout day." [NYDN]
• Investigators looking into Michael Jackson's untimely death searched Dr. Conrad Murray's house yesterday and left with cell phones and a hard drive. [People]
• Bar Refaeli was seen getting hot and heavy with her new boyfriend, Brazilian playboy Ricardo Mansur, in St. Tropez. [P6]
• Hulk Hogan and his wife have (finally!) reached a settlement in their divorce case. He'll get to keep his collection of bandanas; the couple's collection of blonde hair dye will be divided between the two sides. [Us]

Just kidding. Today we have more news from the TV upfronts, plus movie word from sunny, splashy, ridiculous Cannes.