Newsweek correctly guessed the five Oscar nominees (or beat an independent auditor from PricewaterhouseCoopers until he gave up the names) for Best Director, then assembled Ang Lee, Steven Spielberg, George Clooney, Bennett Miller, and Paul Haggis for a roundtable discussion. In the ensuing pigpile of comraderie and mutual admiration (they actually managed to answer some questions in between loving, Oh, you scamp! shoulder-punches and hair-musses), we're reminded of Haggis and Clooney's shared, shadowy past in—gasp!—80s sitcoms.

• Oh no he DIDN'T: Jude Law has ended his relationship with Sienna Miller and is reportedly moving back in with ex-wife Sadie Frost, who has not aborted any of his babies and tends to employ fuck-worthy nannies. [Mirror]
• Jennifer Lopez has been spotted buying all sorts of pricey accoutrements for some lucky baby. We won't believe it's her baby until we see her buying mink baby bonnets and russian squirrel-lined diapers. [Scoop]
• After George Clooney makes a lame joke at Jack Abramoff's expense, Daddy Abramoff fires back at Clooney. This naturally prompts Father Clooney to get involved. Here's hoping for a geriatric wrestling match to be funded by Jack and produced by George. [Lowdown]
• Kate Capshaw is a waiter's nightmare; Tiger Woods, Usher, and Star Jones are shitty tippers. Keep in mind that Jones will happily plug your menu on the View if you're willing to forgo any payment whatsoever. [Page Six]
• Even though it's barely started filming, Lou Reed thinks Factory Girl sucks. Well, if you actually lived it, of course you're going to think that. Crazy old coot. [R&M]

· The in-heat dogs of the big studios' specialty films divisions are ready to begin their horny rampage through Park City today, where Sundance has offered its unprotected leg for humping by pledging "smaller, more-indie flavored fare" (read: more cheaply acquired movies) at this year's festival. [Variety]
· Hey, did you hear the one about specialty divisions descending on Sundance in hopes of snapping up "smaller-scale indie fare"? [THR]
· The Constant Gardener leads the BAFTA nominations with ten, but the Brits love George Clooney like a fat kid loves cake, as he's nominated four times for two different films. [Variety]
· Bryce Dallas Howard (Ron Howard's daughter! Yay!) in negotiations to star as Gwen Stacy, Peter Parker's love interest, in Spider-Man 3. [THR]
· The PGA's recent producing-credit purge leaves producers Bob Yari, Don Cheadle, and co-writer Bobby Moresco in danger of Oscar podium exile should Crash win best picture. Of course, should Crash win best picture, we should all probably put aside such selfish considerations and be more concerned about the apocalyptic deluge of flaming snakes that will end life on Earth as we know it. [Variety]

Backstage at the Golden Globes, Brokeback Mountain's success, George Clooney's early win for Syriana, and an awards show press corp utterly unafraid to ask the most inane of hypothetical questions combined for this well-shaken nonsense cocktail:

No matter how many times the commercials and one-sheets promised us that a motley crew of tuxedo-clad casino burglars were teaming up for a final job, we knew that the Ocean's gang would find another way to get together for another "last" score. Reports Variety:

It seems no awards season news can begin without a discussion of gay cowboy fireside tale Brokeback Mountain. Early this morning, Brokeback piled up seven Golden Globe nominations, with best drama, best director, and best actor nods among them. But the Hollywood Foreign Press quite callously split up the movie's heartsick cowpokes, celebrating sensitive monosyllabic mumbler Heath Ledger while snubbing dreamy-eyed, bull-riding (SPOILER ALERT!) bottom Jake Gyllenhaal. It seems that even the Globes are conspiring to keep these star-crossed lovers apart.

• In a fit anger, Britney Spears has booted husband Kevin Federline out of their lovenest and into the Beverly Hills Hotel. Good for K-Fed: we're sure Spears is footing the bill. [R&M]
• On their way home from a Thanksgiving weekend spent at a Scottsdale, Arizona spa, Jennifer Aniston and Vince Vaughn are pulled over; the cop smelled a hint of booze and advised Vaughn not to continue driving. And then, because they were white and famous, they were let go. [IMDb]
• Actor George Clooney won't finish his post 9/11 catfight with Fox News screamer Bill O'Reilly, but he'll certainly mention it at any opportunity if it helps promote his new movie. [Page Six]
• Martha Stewart's daughter Alexis experimented with lesbianism, but the bois she dated just didn't know how to bake. [R&M (2nd item)]
• Whoopi Goldberg and Prince Edward, Earl of Wessex? Yeah, we're stumped. [Lowdown]

The Isle of Oscar Levant blog recounts a Friday afternoon encounter with George Clooney and his tiny, eco-friendly ride:

· Selected cosmopolitan audiences love Fat Clooney! Syriana pulls down over half a million bucks on only five screens spread across LA, NY, and Toronto. Personal anecdote loosely illustrating Syriana's big city popularity: We were among those lining up for a sold-out showing at the Grove (do we live there now?), and enjoyed a satisfied laugh when the theater's crack crowd-control personnel punished evil line-jumpers by loudly yanking them aside and making them wait to enter the lobby. [Variety]
· "There was a time when Howard Stern fans could hear — but not see — a naked porn star giving a hot-oil massage on TV uncensored." God bless the brave new world of VOD. [THR]
· CBS seems likely to repeat as November sweeps champs in the coveted 18-49 demographic, as well as in the merely AARP-lusted-after 25-54 demo. NBC, it seems, is still valiantly refusing to cease its primetime broadcast operations, even in the face of unspeakable Nielsen horror. [Variety]
· Harry Potter dominates the foreign box office, bringing its international treasure chest up to $207 million, an amount that will almost certainly be written off as "offshore piracy" when figuring out profit participation. [Variety]
· Mad About You writer Danny Jacobson will pen the suddenly, officially single Nick Lachey's comedy pilot for The WB. Lachey will play a baseball player trying to navigate a new marriage, but who quickly fades into obscurity once the wife discovers how many movie stars are willing to sleep with her. [THR]

· US Weekly is the first to report that Nick Lachey and Jessica Simpson, having hung in there long enough to live up to the 'for richer' part of their vows, decide to drop the charade and cash in their chips before finding out what comes next. Grocery check-outs everywhere are suddenly good for a laugh.
· Desperate Housewives' Eva Longoria finds seasonal references mixed with loud swearing serves as a handy substitute to paying for things. A greeting card craze ensues.
· A studio lot spy snaps a picture of George Clooney's adorable microcar; if he tried to squeeze his fat Syrianna ass into this thing, we think we may have an inkling as to how he ruptured his spinal fluid sac.
· New Line throws obnoxious sums of cash at Chris Tucker, Jackie Chan and Brett Ratner, hoping to once again bottle the Rush Hour magic.
· Brittany Murphy's lawyer sends us an angry letter letting us know how hard y'all suck at the Blind Item Guessing Game. Really, people, for shame!

A spy on the Sunset Gower lot, where George Clooney is currently working on reshoots for his latest movie, sends along this cameraphone pic and a quick note about the actor's current, and decidedly unpimped, ride:

If there's one awards season storyline threatening to challenge Jake Gyllenhaal and Heath Ledger's column-inches crown for overcoming the cooties to honestly portray the love between a pair of Oscar-baiting gay cowboys, it might be George Clooney's vanity-free willingness to obscure his six-pack for his role in Syriana:

The early awards season buzz was that George Clooney's performance in Syriana, for which the actor famously scaled Charlize Theron-level heights of self-uglification in the name of his craft, would be submitted for Supporting Actor categories only. No longer, says the Los Angeles Times's The Envelope's GoldDerby blog:

The LAT finds itself knee-deep in Boom Boom today, unearthing further details in the recent sale of landmark Laguna Beach gay bar The Boom Boom Room, which we noted Wednesday. While the involvement of airplane tycoon Steven Udvar-Hazy (so rich he has a Smithsonian building named after him) is undisputed, it's the widely rumored Brad Pitt and George Clooney-stake in the enterprise, and their subsequent denials, that has added a patina of A-list curiosity to your otherwise run-of-the-mill "greedy corporate breeders VS. pop n' pop shop" conflict. A little history:

Think someone at NBC was a Six Feet Under fan? Our pal Andy Towle at Towleroad does.
· At the UK premiere of that black-and-white movie about the commies, Clooney puts to rest all speculation that he'd have a reason for buying that gay bar: “I’ve no preference towards anyone, ladies or men, Italian or American.” Also, it seems that Clooney coldcocked a dude, just for good measure.
· We have only three words to say about Howard Stern's one-day suspension, served tomorrow: F Tom Chiusano. [SFX: golf club swing]
· We are shocked—shocked!—that Lindsay Lohan hasn't given a lot of thought to the college selection process.
· Most depressing headline of the day: NBC's big bright spot: Jay Leno. Ever seen a peacock put its head in the oven? You might soon.

· Care Bear John Lesher leaves Endeavor to run Paramount Classics, hoping what he lacks in experience he can make up for in hugs.
· Ashlee Simpson earns her Doctorate in Public Asshology at a Toronto McDonald's.
· Yo, Trop: You got served! (With a lawsuit claiming racism.) Yo, Omar Sharif: Ditto!
· Warner Bros. lets the pink slips fly on Big Harry Potter Payday Eve.
· Brad Pitt and George Clooney have reportedly bought themselves a little gay bar to call their own, which they subsequently deny, deny, deny.
· A truly frightening Halloween: Bunny Paris hops over to the Playboy Mansion with various things stuck to her ass, as does Jeremy Piven, who also makes an appearance at Rick Rubin's bash dressed as a Bruce Lee with a black-belt in satisfyin' the ladies [SFX: Gong].
· Donald Trump's frank sex-talk causes the Great Baby Draught of 2006.
· Cameron Diaz insists acting-deficient boyfriend Justin Timberlake get a pivotal voice-over role in Shrek 3, causing DreamWorks' Jeffrey Katzenberg to plan a hit.

Brad Pitt and George Clooney, perhaps a little exhausted from their Las Vegas casino plans, are thinking smaller. Taking their cues from what countless other aging, well-to-do couples have done before them, the two have gone to Laguna, bought a gay bar and plan to spruce the place up into a delightful bed and breakfast [sub. req'd]:

· We already knew that Natalie Portman was unreasonably gorgeous in high school, so why do we need to bid on her yearbook? Because it will one day make her fall in love with us, that's why.
· Come on, sillies, George Clooney didn't literally mean he was considering suicide when he said that he was going to kill himself over his Syriana injuries. Don't be ridiculous. Who'd run the casino if he offed himself, Gerber? Pitt? Whatever.
· The LAT profiles Mark "The Cobrasnake" Hunter, in-house photographer for Drunken Hipster Quarterly. If you see him at a party (and you will—even hermits like us have bumped into the guy), hide—his magical lens makes everyone look like they're wasted and/or wearing headbands.
· Janet Jackson might have a "secret child" with an obscure DeBarge, says an even more obscure DeBarge. (For our purposes, all non-El DeBarges shall be labeled various degrees of obscure.)

• Nicole Richie may know "what she did" to Paris Hilton, but she also knows "that Paris loves to talk about it and that stuff, but that's just not my style." If Richie's taking the high road, it totally tests the nature of the universe. [E!]
• Tim Robbins proves that celebrities aren't cut out for service work with a shameful bartending performance at the LES's Back Room. [Page Six]
• George Clooney talks about shooting spinal fluid from his nose, thus securing his slot as People's sexiest old man alive. [Scoop]
• Law and Order: Criminal Intent actor Vincent D'Onofrio fights for a man's right to watch hardcore porn in his trailer. A champion for human rights, indeed. [Lowdown]
• Leslee Dart, heroine of the PR world, continues to poach warm bodies from her mentor, Pat Kingsley. [Page Six]
• Los Angeles club Mood cancels plans to host actress Gabrielle Union's birthday party after learning that she's black. It's nice to see that after all these years, people can finally be honest about their racism. Rosa Parks would be proud. [R&M]

Quick quiz: This pic is either Dakota Fanning's attempt to a) demonstrate that she's actually human, or b) show off her favorite piece from her torture chamber. Hint: There's not necessarily just one correct answer.
· Now that's commitment: George Clooney gains 38 lbs, bruises brain for Syriana. Let's see that pussy De Niro try and leak spinal fluid from his nose.
· We suppose it depends on what your definition of acquaintance is.
· Model Zeta Graff sues Paris Hilton for slander for allegedly placing an item in Page Six...hey, did you hear that? Yeah, that was the sound of us warming up the toaster we're about to toss in the bathtub. There's only so much we can take in a day where we've pondered Hilton's assflaps.
· Donald Trump reportedly earns $25,000 per minute for a lecture, whether or not everyone in the audience tunes out after the 50th time he uses the word "great" to describe one of his pursuits.