His ability to seduce Yahoo into paying almost $6 billion for Broadcast.com shows that entrepreneur Mark Cuban already knows how to dance his way around the negotiation table. Now the general public will be able to see the Dallas Mavericks owner attempt to do the cha-cha and Texas two-step. Mark Cuban will be on this fall's version of ABC reality series "Dancing with the Stars," competing against such luminaries as a Spice Girl and that chick from 90210. While we won't be tuning into the premiere — come on, who in Silicon Valley still watches regular TV? — we fully expect to see clips of Cuban twirling, lifting, and (we're hoping) falling on his fat ass, replayed over and over on your favorite video sites. Like Broadcast.com ... oh, wait.
Photo: Shoutfan.com

We at Valleywag have made clear our feelings towards Burners, the attendees of Burning Man, a weeklong arts festival in Nevada's Black Rock Desert that's getting underway now: We think they're dirty, environment-hating hypocrites who are marginally employable at best. The main business implication of the event? That you're never, ever, ever going to get any software project finished in Silicon Valley during the last week of August. So why would we send a reporter to the event?

Chris Heuer, founder of the Social Media Club, explains, in a mile-a-minute diatribe stretching back to World War II, explains how porn drives technology, and hence, the economy as a whole. At least, that's what we think he's saying.

Every PC user has the words of Microsoft's infamous "Blue Screen of Death" — the screen displayed when Windows crashes — virtually tattooed in their retinae. But, Fox News reports, An Auckland, New Zealand man, not content with that visual reminder, has actually tattooed the text on his arm.

You'd expect to see all kinds of corporate blowjobs in a tech trade like Linux Journal. But an ad about blowjobs? Unlikely, I know, but this one, showing an attractive woman and promising that QSol's servers, like her, "won't go down on you," appeared in the magazine's August 2007 issue. It has, of course, attracted the attention of several blogs, including our sibling sites Gawker and Jezebel. But there's one overlooked fact in most of the coverage.

To the beat of the played-out Mims single "This is Why I'm Hot," the happy worker attempt to flow:

Sarah Meyers asks the key question that was on everyone's mind at this week's LinuxWorld conference in San Francisco: Has the open-source operating system gotten anyone laid, ever? The consensus: No. SpikeSource CEO Kim Polese admits to knowing Linux creator Linus Torvalds and insufferable free-software gadfly Richard Stallman, but making out with them? "I'm definitely not going to continue this interview. This is not a serious business interview, is it?" We always knew you were a smart cookie, Kim!

Is it true that Jakob Lodwick, the founder of IAC-controlled online-video site Vimeo, has gone on several dates with notorious nobody Julia Allison, the TV commentator and magazine columnist whose brief visit terrorized Silicon Valley and left desperately horny TechCrunch editor Michael Arrington so heartbroken he apparently threw himself into another woman's arms? Just think: Allison traveled thousands of miles to find a geek to love, and there were plenty of eligible nerd bachelors in New York all the while. From the shirtless photo he posted of himself, we can kind of see why Allison might go for him. Add to that IAC stock options and the ability to design a blog, and we'd say she's got herself quite a catch. Make a serious play for Jakob, Julia, before Barry Diller does. (Photo by Jakob Lodwick)

Pete Curley is a hardcore Facebook user. Which is a curious admission, since he's also the product manager of Plaxo Pulse, the spammy contact-management website's attempt to reinvent itself as yet another social network. Curley's claim: He needs both Facebook and Pulse, since his Facebook profile is too tawdry to reveal in public:

The geeks behind caustic Web 2.0 review site Uncov threw down Friday night at SoMa's Mars Bar. There were no demos, no sponsors, and not a blue shirt in sight. Instead, there was a lot of drinking. My kind of scene. A few months after launching the site, writers Ted Dziuba, Kyle Shank, and Matt Kent decided to venture into the physical world and actually meet some of the people they profiled — the ones who were brave enough to attend, anyway. It was billed as a "Drink the Pain Away" night, and, yes, that description was very, very apt. Uncov, of course, prides itself on being the anti-TechCrunch, and its meet-and-greet reflected that spirit. Unlike the uptight, identically dressed sycophants atTechCrunch9, the crowd at Mars Bar was vibrant, loud, and fun. And drunk. Very very drunk.

We have learned that our recent description of San Francisco-based Wall Street Journal reporter Vauhini Vara as an "ostensibly sober type" was wholly incorrect. Several reliable sources have informed us that we should not have used the word "sober" in the same sentence as Vara's name. Vauhini, please accept Valleywag's heartfelt apologies for the unforgivable error.

Looking for more adventure than the staid office parks of Silicon Valley will ever offer? Can you front-end your way through a minefield and reboot a server under enemy fire? Want to exercise those libertarian gun fantasies in the real world? And how about pulling down a $200K salary while you're at it? Well, then, rifle-toting geeks, Uncle Sam has a job for you. Only one hitch, Ajaxian points out: It's a Web-developer gig in Iraq. (Photo by minjung)

England's prestigious Oxford University is using social network Facebook to uncover crimes committed by its students. Okay, not crimes, just campus infractions, ranging from "hurling eggs" to "spraying fluids" and other appalling behavior. Administration officials look through photos uploaded to Facebook, and when they find a picture of a student breaking a rule, the student receives a $80-$200 fine in their inbox. Claims one student, "They gave me links to three photos on Facebook where I've got shaving foam all over me as examples of my disorderly conduct." Has this dented Facebook's popularity on the storied campus?

In this undated photo, uploaded to a Russian pic-sharing site back in December, Linux creator Linus Torvalds shows off his pecs in a Speedo. We're betting it's at least a couple years old, though. Lately, Torvalds has been bearing an increasing resemblance to the Linux icon, Tux the Penguin. Add this to our collection of embarrassing geek photos. (Photo from m0sia.ru)

NICK DOUGLAS — Underneath all that decorum and collared polyester, geeks have crazy personalities waiting to bust out. Normally they have to suppress those personalities to appease investors and look like Real Important Bosses. But when they find their time to shine, they pull poses that would make Star Wars Kid proud. Here are the top ten photos some geeks wish time forgot. (Warning: some shots are a touch NSFW.)

Tech pundit and Gnomedex organizer Chris Pirillo just peaked his career as a notorious exhibitionist (just see his site, Rent My Chest) when he joined the Naked Wonders photo group today with this special shot from Alaska.

• A guide to Unix becomes the new summer beach read for a topless sunbather in Greece. [NSFW: Flickr]

Oh, those halcyon years of the Internet! When men were real men, women were real women, and for $5.95 an hour they'd prove it to you! It wasn't so long ago, kids, that Philip "Pud" Kaplan of Fucked Company (yeah, the failed AdBrite CEO) was makin' home webcam videos — sexy threesome videos.

Valleywag loves a good bathtub shot. So though it's a few days old, and even though it looks eerily similar to those magazines in Dad's closet, it just felt right to share this Gates-on-Jobs yaoi shot.

I originally read the title of this romance novel mockup, featuring landmark tech journalist John C. Dvorak, as "Spanky Geeks." Just sayin'.