King is fortunate enough to be the Garfunkel to Oprah's Simon, and is the editor-at-large of her best pal's magazine.

So you're reading Rush & Molloy this morning and you come across this:

Oprah Winfrey has never once accidentally brushed against her friend Gayle King and suddenly longed to feel the forbidden embrace of sweet Sapphic love, not even that night they both had a few too many saketinis at Japonais and got caught in the thunderstorm and had to go back to Oprah's and change out of their wet clothes and Gayle asked her would she no to say no my mountain flower and first she put her arms around her no and drew her down to her so she could feel her breasts all perfume no and her heart was going like mad and no she said no she won't no.

• Oprah's sorority sister Gayle King is angling for Star Jones' spot on The View, but her friendship with Jones makes it hard for King to execute a campaign. Is this really a difficult choice? Or is Gayle just stupid? [R&M]
• Ted Casablancas introduces the world's most thinly veiled blind item ever. The use of Morgan makes it even more impressive. [Awful Truth]
• Katie Couric nets an impressive $115K to speak about herself at the University of Oklahoma's graduation ceremony. [Lowdown (2nd item)]
• Don't get too excited for the upcoming Guns n' Roses shows at Hammerstein. Axl Rose didn't even show up at a rehearsal attended by Sebastian Bach — what makes you think he'll appear for little old you? [Page Six]
• Paris Hilton is thrilled to promote her new video game, even if she has no fucking clue what it's called. At least she got her name right. [AP]
• O.J. Simpson proves that it's actually possible to be less funny than Ashton Kutcher. [Page Six]
• Ashlee Simpson won't talk about her rumored nose job. The work speaks for itself. [IMDb]
• And just because it's Friday: we cannot stop looking at the hypnotizing monstrosity of Uma Thurman's breasts. [Yeeeah]