Of course, this works best for people that don't read the website or watch the channel. Every single one of these opinions is overridden or matched with a psychotic binge of sudden horrible gloom, like Cramer's "get you money out for the next five years" business or Faber's rantings. It's a bipolar opinion market, not a place where you can sit down for five minutes and know what's going on.

The boat pic is very Tom Sawyer cum Deliverance. The poor guy can't even afford a spray-on tan or swimming trunks.

Ratty Gawker mascot Andrew Krucoff reminds us that the backlash against the 30 Rock and Saturday Night Live comedian began on these pages way back in 2004.

Our Tom Cruise videos continue to attract attention from near and far, as well as some choice comments—including a number from Germany, where the government is taking a hard line against the religion. And from Poland, where they are terrified.

"I don't think 25(?)-year-old Julia Allison was expecting to have to learn the "there's always someone younger and hotter" lesson quite so soon." [All My Girlfriends]

Now that a judge has allowed Dan Rather to dig through his CBS bosses' email, what will the embittered former anchor find? "Guys - I know it's in the shitter lately what with us firing Dan, canning the actually quite popular Bob Schieffer (the "Sheef" as we suits like to call him) and replacing him lovely news-pouf non-fembot Katie Couric... not to mention ratings in the toilet, a morning show to NOT die for and also sticking you all in a decrepit, aging brick building on the butt end of the Far West Side... but, cheer up! At least we know we won't have to deal with Dan Rather anymore!!! His White-House-defaming, non-story-factchecking ass is GONE!!! Along with his odd Southern quip-isms. Now, who wants to work Christmas and New Year's?" [Original comment]