• A "bone-thin" Elin Nordegren moved a big bunch of belongings out of the Florida mansion she shares (shared?) with Tiger Woods yesterday; she's supposedly headed "somewhere warm" for Christmas. As for Tiger, it seems he's going to spend Christmas with "the boys." Maybe Rachel Uchitel will stop by for a visit? According to tabloid reports, Tiger is still in contact with Mistress No. 1, and is hoping to squeeze a little time to get together. [NYP, NYDN, People, Us]
• Lindsay Lohan may have to put off any more trips to rescue exploited children living in Third World countries. A judge has ordered her to start attending her alcohol education program classes "every single week" because, well, "it's been long enough." [Us]
• Why did Alex Rodriguez and Kate Hudson break up? According to a highly dubious story that one of the slugger's pals has been telling the tabloids, it was because Hudson wanted to be on camera when she sat in the stands at Yankee Stadium, whereas A-Rod really wanted someone "more interested in building a long-term relationship than just building their profile." [Us]
• As for Hudson, she's dealing with the split from A-Rod by spending some quality time with her movie star parents, Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell. Goldie turned up as Kate's date to the Nine premiere last night. [HL, DM]

• Courtney Love has lost control of her daughter. Frances Bean Cobain is almost an adult—she's 17—but a LA judge has granted guardianship to Kurt Cobain's mother and younger sister yesterday. Don't think it's because Courtney is on drugs or completely crazy (although she is). It's just that Frances is a "strong-willed child" and prefers to "live with her grandmother at this time." [People, TMZ]
• Alex Rodriguez and Kate Hudson have yet to confirm reports they've broken up, but it's looking like A-Rod has already moved on. He was seen in Miami this past weekend in the company of a "leggy blonde," and reportedly told another bunch of girls he was chatting up that he's "definitely single." [P6, NYDN]
• Tara Reid's redemption is underway! Not only is she hanging out with classy characters like Giuseppe Cipriani, she's announced that she'll be appearing topless in the January-February issue of Playboy. Welcome back! [P6, Us]

This time it's not because she's high, just that Frances Bean prefers her granny. Also: Rihanna takes her top off, A-Rod and Kate Hate maybe-split, Kourtney Kardashian wolfs tunafish after childbirth. ¡Vamanos a Tuesday gossip!

• Nicole Kidman isn't as vanilla as she looks, apparently. She tells British GQ that she has experimented with "obsession" and "strange sexual fetish stuff," although it's unclear when all this happened. As for her marriage to Keith Urban? It's "a very extraordinary, adventurous place to be: incredibly raw, incredibly dangerous." [DM, P6]
• The first of Lindsay Lohan's dramatic calls to her dad Michael has been released, and luckily, it comes accompanied by on-screen subtitles although you may need to shower after. At one point, she tells her dad, "Mommy says that I'm worse than you are," and then, between sobs, manages to ramble on, "No one cares about me. They don't, by the way. It's about how they feel, not how I feel. It's not about me. It's never been about me." Sad. [Radar]
• In happier news, Jeremy Piven is feeling much better now that he's added soy milk to his list of food products he will no longer touch. (You may remember his little run-in with sushi last year.) Piven was chugging 12 cups of soy milk a day, but then he realized it contained estrogen and was responsible for giving him man-boobs. "It was a very confusing time," he says. [Us]

Of all of Courtney Love's addictions, we're glad that Frances Bean Cobain has taken up her "ranting on the internet" addiction. You have got to check out her Twitter smackdown of Ali Lohan. Daddy would be so proud.

Marisa Tomei sitting on a bike with boyfriend Logan Marshall-Green in SoHo ... Heather Mills walking home after a visit to the hair salon ... Drew Barrymore leaving Gemma after lunch ... Ali Lohan walking in NoHo with a male friend ... Kirsten Dunst hanging out with younger brother Christian in SoHo ... Rihanna arriving at a recording studio downtown ... Carolina Herrera eating a late dinner at Elio's last night ... Britney Spears taking her sons Sean and Jayden to see The Little Mermaid on Broadway ... Sophia Bush leaving Pop Yogurt in SoHo with boyfriend Austin Nichols ... Hugh Jackman walking with his daughter along the Hudson River ... Lindsay Lohan leaving the Bowery Hotel in the back seat of an SUV ... ... Amanda Seyfried eating ice cream on Houston Street .... and Frances Bean Cobain walking with friends on on 14th Street.

Drew Barrymore walking to yoga class downtown ... Whoopi Goldberg leaving the Apple store in SoHo ... Lindsay Lohan shopping at INA on Thompson Street ... singer Jessie James arriving at MTV's studios in Times Square ... Sienna Miller getting out of an SUV and heading into an office building ... Amber Rose talking on her cell phone ... Al Pacino shooting scenes for You Don't Know Jack ... Whitney Port walking in SoHo ... Frances Bean Cobain shopping at Zachary's Smile in the East Village ... Carlos Leon riding a bike in SoHo ... Penn Badgley walking to the Gossip Girl set ... and Sarah Jessica Parker leaving Minetta Tavern with Hugh Grant.

Ed Norton is celebrating his 40th birthday today. Saturday Night Live's Andy Samberg is turning 31. Robert Redford is 73. Patrick Swayze is turning 57. Comedian Denis Leary is 52. Christian Slater is turning 40. Nadine Strossen, the president of the ACLU, turns 59. Newsman Bob Woodruff is turning 48. Former First Lady Rosalynn Carter turns 82 today. Jeremy Shockey of the New Orleans Saints is turning 29. Director Roman Polanski is 76. Actor Craig Bierko is turning 45. And Frances Bean Cobain, the daughter of Kurt Cobain and Courtney Love, turns 17 today.

A tipster sent in a report involving Courtney Love having some kind of "verbal battle" with daughter Frances Bean Cobain at Chateau Marmont in Los Angeles. Cobain apparently wants her own room, to shut out her relentlessly undermining mom.

Oh, hey you guys, anyone know of a good apartment for Frances Cobain? She's thinking downtown, a room for her mom, maybe an office. No more than $7 million, though. Eight, tops.

♦ Designer/actress/Parisian it-girl Lou Doillon talks to WWD about her more intellectual projects, like her stage debut tonight in Samuel Beckett's The Image at the Alliance Française. [WWD]
♦ Can this week get any more catastrophic? Top Shop's opening is now pushed back till March. [WWD]
♦ Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen's label The Row is going to start doing men's clothes. [WWD]
♦ We take it all back: Naomi Campbell did her bit for charity last night with her London Fashion For Relief show, which raised money for The White Ribbon Alliance fund to promote safe childbirth. [Marie Claire UK]

For some parents, raising a child alone after a partner has committed suicide is a sensitive thing. Then, as always, there is Courtney Love. Last seen recommending orgasms to the Jonas Brothers, the singer is once again in the news for spending hundreds of thousands of dollars on her daughter's 16th birthday party, a suicide-themed affair that included games like a "who can look the most dead" contest. No bonus points for dressing like Kurt Cobain, as that was Frances Bean's costume:

Congrats, Andy Samberg, you've reached the big 3-0! The good news? You still look 24! Others celebrating today: Ed Norton is 39, Patrick Swayze is 56, and comedian Denis Leary is 51. ACLU president Nadine Strossen is 58. Frances Bean Cobain, the spawn of Kurt Cobain and Courtney Love, is 16. Christian Slater turns 39. ABC's Bob Woodruff is 47. NFL star Jeremy Shockey is 28. And writer, director, and international fugitive Roman Polanski is 75.

• Lindsay Lohan is either converting to Judaism for Samantha Ronson, Ivanka Trump style, or about to leave her for a man.

• Did Uma Thurman and Arki Busson get secretly married during their engagement party earlier this month? If so, does that mean the European vacation they're on right now is really a honeymoon? [Page Six]

Did you know Frances Bean Cobain, Kurt's surprisingly well-adjusted daughter, is a "summer aide" at Rolling Stone? She is! Also, she's wayyy too rock and roll for the anal-retentive offices of the Wenner title. Insiders bitched to Page Six, "she doesn't get coffee for anyone . . . calls in sick all the time and wears funny outfits." First of all? She's 15. And second? Something tells me Evan Springsteen, Max Spielberg and Gus Wenner weren't fetching too many lattes last summer, either. Anyway, here are some conversation tips, courtesy a February article in People, in case she comes to collect your drink order:

As excited as we are for borderline troublemaker Emma Watson and her rumored new deal to become the "face of Chanel" at 18, the $6 million contract comes with a curse or two. The French cosmetics giant has been airbrushing celebrity visages in ad campaigns for years, but its most recent short-term star partnerships haven't always ended amicably, nor have they resulted in the kind of chaste and glossy reputation sources predict for Watson. Though a friend insists that "She's not going to end up like these other Hollywood train wrecks, she just isn't...No one is going to be saying, ‘I never wanted to see Hermione in that light,'" we took a look back at her quilted bag-carrying predecessors to shine a light on the kind of controversy this same wallet-fattening gig has earned its celebrity reps in the past.

Give some credit to Harper's Bazaar photog Jeff Reidel for convincing Frances Bean Cobain to strike an Evita Peron pose in the newest issue of the magazine. While we're pretty sure that the meta-ness of dressing up as a character that one of her mother's biggest rivals once portrayed on the silver screen was lost on the young Miss Cobain, we here at Defamer HQ are eating it up as if it were a late-afternoon sandwich made by none other than Marshall McLuhan himself. Speaking of which, we can't wait for the day when a wildly drunk and bloated Frances Bean crashes a televised interview of Lourdes Maria Ciccone Leon. We're sure the look on the animatronic Kurt Loder's face is gonna be priceless. [Harper's Bazaar via Gawker]

No wonder Courtney Love is handing out sobriety advice right and left these days: her daughter, Frances Bean Cobain, seems to have come out OK, even though her dad killed himself and her mom is Courtney Love. Frances is already 15, and she just got a photo spread in a big magazine, and it's not for getting arrested somewhere! Apparently she has a cool grandmother in Washington who doesn't destroy her chances of ever being normal by saying things like, "she's a gay man trapped in a woman's body," as Courtney Love just told People. One guess as to which side of the family the grandmother is from. [Harper's Bazaar]