· ABC's Steve McPherson on Monday's announcement that pal Kevin Reilly is headed to Fox: "I hear when they fire me, he's going to come run this place," McPherson said. He then continued, his face rapidly draining of blood, "Haha, I'm just kidding guys, my job is completely safe. Guys? Guys? We're fixing Cavemen, I told you that yesterday!" [Variety]
· Every basic cable Christmas special should find a place for former 90210 star Shannen Doherty, whose very presence announces the arrival of a magical Yuletide spirit. [THR]
· Finally: Desperately Seeking Susan: The Musical! Featuring, bizarrely, music from Deborah Harry and Blondie's back catalog. Will the story still play with "Heart of Glass" instead of "Into the Groove"? Developing... [Variety]
· Fox's beleaguered On The Lot, airing a night earlier than usual because of tonight's All Star game, comes in fourth place in its timeslot against only rerun competition. Even we didn't watch it last night, and it's our job to monitor its death-throes. [THR]
· Speaking of Fox, the renegade network plans to use its Emmy awards telecast to launch its fall season, a week before Nielsen's officially decreed start date for the ratings race they will largely concede until the next season of Idol premieres. [Variety]
· Universal buys the rights to Vanity Fair article about Barbaro, Gone Like the Wind, for triple-threat-hack Peter Berg to direct. Somewhere, our buddy Will at Deadspin faints dead away with delight. [Variety]

It's official: the much-rumored-about Fox reunion of former FX pals Peter Liguori and recent NBC Memorial Day Massacre victim Kevin Reilly (pictured above slipping his business card to Liguori at a luncheon two years ago, knowing he'd one day have to hit up his old boss for a job) has come to pass, with Reilly, as expected, taking over the crucial programming responsibility of shouting at panicked underlings, "I don't care how the fuck we do it, but I want American Idol on every night from now until the Earth hurtles into the sun!" Variety notes the irony that Fox's new hire will now have the opportunity to turn the power of that aforementioned Nielsen Death Star against the schedule he meticulously crafted for NBC shortly before his ouster, watching through bittersweet tears as each crass Idol installment wipes out his classy primetime children one by one.

Even as NBC janitors continue to scrub away at stubborn blood stains and collect overlooked skull fragments left over from the Memorial Day Massacre that enabled rock-star Ben Silverman's ascendance at the Peacock, freshly whacked president Kevin Reilly is reportedly in talks to reunite with former FX boss Peter Liguori at Fox, an attempt to recapture the magic of a previous collaboration which, in the words of Variety, elevated the then-obscure channel "to a basic-cable equivalent of HBO with cutting-edge fare."

With many of the large American online advertisers acquired in recent months, Fox International Channels, a subsidiary of News Corp, turned its attention last week to ClickDiario, "one of the largest online advertising networks specializing in Spanish-speaking audiences." The acquisition of ClickDiario will provide Fox access to "25 million unique users per month." So what's the problem? ClickDiario is regarded as an abusive spammer throughout the Spanish-speaking world.

The marketing geniuses behind The Simpsons Movie promotion that has transformed a number of 7-11s into Kwik-E-Marts are proving maniacally devoted to Springfield verisimilitude; in addition to making sure that the store has clerks playing the role of Apu, they've also apparently hired background actors to roam the store in-character; above, the Burbank location's Comic Book Guy pauses to consider his animated inspiration before heading inside to change into his costume, then spend a day wandering the aisles, occasionally engaging a customer near a snack case with a dismissive, "Worst. Nachos. Ever."

This Monday morning is no less painful than any other on the calendar, but at least you only have to survive 48 hours before you're rewarded with a day off. Cling to the weekend box office numbers as you try to make it through the excruciating two days that stand between you and illegal firework displays, backyard barbecues, and egregious midweek drunkenness:

"Lot might ultimately serve a purpose, though: If studio guards print out the Web page that features the contestants' mugs and post it at the studio gates, it might prevent at least one would-be Spielberg from sneaking onto a studio lot." [THR/Reuters]

· After a summerlong run of sequel-clogged weekends where the eventual winner of the box office battle was all too obvious, the outcome of the upcoming Die Hard vs. Ratatouille fight seems up for grabs. We're not betting against Pixar, even though we'll probably wind up watching John McClane blow shit up. [Variety]
· Oh yeah Die Hard made $9.1 million on Wednesday, its first official day of release. Is that a lot? We're not good with midweek box office record data. [THR]
· Universal signs up erstwhile Biggest Comedy Star In the World Jim Carrey for Sober Buddies, one of those magical projects with a title so concise that we don't have to waste any time explaining it. (OK, OK, Carrey is a Sober Buddy who falls off the wagon while helping an alcoholic pal on a business trip in Vegas. Hilarity ensues, etc etc.) [Variety]
· 3.2 million viewers tuned in to CNN to for Larry King's post-jail interview with Paris Hilton. While this was King's highest rated show since 2005, consider that three times more people watched So You Think You Can Dance on Wednesday night if you'd like to feel a little better about the public's TV-watching taste levels. [THR]
· We would never ask you to start thinking about the Oscars in late June. That's just sick, really. [Variety]

· Contrary to a previous report, the head of Germany's Bundesanstalt fuer Immobilienaufgaben says that the government won't stop Tom Cruise and his Valkyrie production from shooting on their historical military sites because he's a Scientologist, and should grant the movie a film permit as long as Cruise promises that any massage-and-Dianetics tents he plans on installing on their set won't distract members of the Ministry of Defense from their day-to-day duties. [Variety]
· On Wednesday night, Fox's dancing competition triumphs over ABC's celebrity-impersonator and insane-inventor competitions, as well as NBC's struggling-comedian competition. Please, do yourself a favor and cover your television in a sheet that you swear not to remove until September. [THR]
· The following elements have been attached to Body of Lies, an adaptation of a CIA-set novel by David Ignatius: actor Russell Crowe; actor Leonardo DiCaprio; director Ridley Scottl screenwriter William Monahan. [Variety]
· Do you ache for more Tom Selleck MOW appearances? Suffer no more, for CBS has ordered another installment of the actor's Jesse Stone series. [THR]
· Hunky-but-still-serious actor Ryan Gosling joins Mummy refugee Rachel Weisz in Peter Jackson's adaptation of The Lovely Bones. [Variety]

· On the Lot CancellationWatch: Fox's unkillable Nielsen invalid draws just 2.3 million viewers, despite a return to an earlier format in which its contestants were challenged to direct comedy shorts featuring bank-commercial-quality humor levels and production values while racing against a ticking clock. (Adrianna Costa CleavageWatch: Covered up, again.) [Ed.note—Don't worry, despite the creepiness of that image from TheLot.com contestant Jess Brillhart is not dead, she was just dismissed from the competition at the top of the show, in blatant disregard for reality TV convention. ] [THR]
· Stalag 17: It's Spike Lee meets Broadway meets WWII prison camps! [Variety]
· The NBA will remain on ESPN, ABC and TNT through 2016. Pop quiz: Who won the recent, scarcely watched NBA Finals? [THR]
· Tom Cruise and longtime enforcer Paula Wagner will drop by the Cinema Expo in Holland to promote Lions for Lambs, as well as Valkyrie, the movie whose shoot the German government isn't too excited to be hosting. [Variety]
· Another sign the Hollywood apocalypse is nigh: FX pays about $16 million for the cable TV rights to Wild Hogs. [Variety]

According to THR ESQ, two professional dancers (one of whom goes by the catchy monikor "The Dance Doctor") are suing CAA, claiming that the evil agenting monolith took their treatment for a show called So You Think You Can Dance, packaged the concept with juggernaut, American Idol-producing clients Simon Fuller and Nigel Lythgoe, and sold the show to Fox without them, cutting the potential creators out of their share of the network's improbable hit with a curiously identical name and format. In the most controversial section of the complaint (excerpted above, and available in the story), the plaintiffs boldly call into question the widespread, and generally accepted, talent agency practice of "fucking people over"; should their suit eventually succeed, such an anti-fucking precedent could irreparably harm the ability of agencies to go about their crucial work, bringing the entire entertainment industry to a standstill.

So overcrowded is the summer movie marketplace that the only way to distinguish one's upcoming blockbuster product from the blowing-shit-up competition is to hit the talk show circuit and recreate some of the fun that awaits fickle moviegoers upon their next trip to the multiplex.

· Hollywood invades the Middle East! MGM partners with a Jordanian animation company on a 26-episode Pink Panther & Pals cartoon series, while Paramount plans to erect a theme park in Dubai that exploits properties like Top Gun, Titanic, Mission: Impossible, and many, many others. Visitors to the UAE park will be moved by an animatronic Effie's emotional delivery of "I'm Telling You I'm Not Going" on Dreamgirls: The Ride. [Variety, Variety]
· Get excited: Legendary Pictures will pump $1 billion into its co-financing and co-production deal with Warner Bros. Who can't get psyched when multimedia conglomerates and financing entities hook up to minimize the financial risks of producing another overbudget Superman sequel? [THR]
· In the most hotly anticipated hosting announcement of the largely unwatched summer TV season, Joey Fatone will oversee the smooth operation of NBC's karaoke clusterfuck The Singing Bee. [Variety]
· Speaking of the summer TV wasteland, Fox wins the 18-49 demo with Top Chef: Shouty, Brain-Damaged Edition, while NBC fails to win behind a two-hour, all-Mark-Consuelos-hosted block of our new favorite shows, Kittens Vs. Cougars and the premiering Science Vs. Penis. [THR]
· Even with American Idol drawing tens of millions of teenagers away from their MySpaces twice a week, Fox's median viewer age passed 40 for the first time last season. Expect some emergency counterprogramming in the form of the Wilmer Valderrama-hosted So You Think You Can Watch Our Channel, You Old Fuck? [Variety]

Because we at Defamer realize that many of our readers toil in windowless dungeons buried deep beneath Hollywood's surface, and that any glimpse of the sky, no matter how secondhand, is likely to temporarily brighten the drudgery of their slave labor, we share with you this reader-supplied photo (click the above image for a larger version) of the Live Free or Die Hard promotional display soaring over Los Feliz a little earlier this afternoon. Unfortunately, the most crucial part of the four plane-formation, i.e., the one trailing the OTHERFUCKER component of the airborne campaign, was grounded prematurely due to technical problems, leaving spectators merely with an unsatisfying, incomplete message of "YIPPEE KI YAY M...THE BEST IS BACK...LIVE FREE OR DIE HARD."

· Paramount Vantage just can't win with A Mighty Heart: They curl Angelina Jolie's hair and slather her in bronzer so she seems less Caucasian-y, and they catch shit. They invite the Council on American-Islamic Relations to co-sponsor a panel discussion on religious tolerance, and a Jewish activist likens it to "David Duke co-sponsoring 'Schindler's List.'" At least Jolie isn't pissing off reporters by asking them to sign waivers demanding they don't ask questions about her personal life, because they hardly need another headache. [Variety]
· On the bright side, Jolie's performance in the movie is already generating Oscar buzz. [THR]
· Exec VP of corporate communications Janet Hill is leaving Paramount after two eventful years of throwing herself upon the steady stream of hand-grenades lobbed at frequently embattled Paramount emperor Brad Grey. [Variety]
· TBS buys the rerun rights to My Name is Earl and The Office, reportedly paying $600k-$700k per episode of each series. [Variety]
· Fox hires former NUTS executive Laura Lancaster as head of drama development, giving her the mandate, "Please, for the love of fucking God—and we don't care how you do it—find us a show that will last longer than Drive." [Variety]

As unlikely as it sounds, a recent international legal symposium in Canada's capital devolved into a philosophical debate over whether or not the star of a popular primetime Fox program had the right to employ cruel and inhumane torture tactics as a means to achieving a justifiable end—and the name Paula Abdul never once came up. No, visiting U.S. Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia was actually defending the morally ambiguous actions of 24's Jack Bauer, who'd think nothing of turning his own brother's Pain-O-Meter to 11 if it meant stopping the needless obliteration of another Valencia. From The Globe and Mail:

· Obsessed with honoring the possible end of The Apprentice by building the Greatest Trump-Branded Reality TV Empire In The World, Donald Trump follows up the recent announcement of Fox project Trump's Tramps with one for his new Pageant Place at MTV, which will document the descent of various Trump-owned beauty contest winners into Trump-upsetting drug abuse and bisexuality. [Variety]
· Fox is reporting its best-ever upfront ad sales numbers. Thank you, American Idol, for making everyone forget about a pretty disastrous Fall season! [THR]
· This week on the not yet canceled On The Lot: 2.4 million confused viewers tune in to see Carrie Fisher get sassy with a cute contestant, watch a horror film about a crazed, unlicensed tree surgeon let loose in an orchard full of blooming victims, and wonder why producers reversed last week's decision to show more of host Adrianna Costa's cleavage. [Variety]
· Wayne Brady will host the Fox summer karaoke game show Don't Forget the Lyrics!, in which contestants are challenged to—wild guesses, anyone?—not forget the lyrics when their teleprompters go dark. [THR]
· Crass commercialism threatens to destroy the creatively pure world of fake YouTube video diary series LonelyGirl15. [Variety]

Like a bucket full of ice water dumped upon your slumbering form by a boss who doesn't appreciate how hard it is to get going on a Monday morning, the weekend box office numbers:

Proving there is literally no showbiz pageant title a resourceful programming exec can't magically produce from his ass during an afternoon conference call and quickly slap together into a television event for the ages, Fox Reality is proud to present its hunt for America's Next Top-Heavy Horror Movie Hostess. That's right, aspiring Mistresses of the Dark—Elvira needs a sidekick! From the press release:

· Ladies and gentleman, we give you the next Snakes on a Plane. Coming soon from director Barry Sonnenfeld: Space Chimps. We'll say it again: Space Chimps. One more time? OK, if we must: Space Chimps. Begin erecting your unauthorized fan sites...now. (And make sure to tell the studio it's only going to work if they make it a live action film.) [Variety]
· A Tennessee projectionist is fired for telling Ain't It Cool News how shitty the new Fantastic Four movie is a week or two before Fox was ready to deal with the inevitable flood of negative reviews awaiting its superhero sequel. [THR]
· We care so little about this meaningless milestone that we're loathe to even note it, but Pirates 3: Whatever It's Called reaches the $500 million mark internationally in a record 20 days, a week faster than Spider-Man 3: We're Not Even Going To Bother Giving It A Real Title. Congratulations, winning multimedia conglomerate that released a successful movie-related project! [Variety]
· Ben Silverman renames NBC Universal Television Studios as Universal Media Studios, a move intended to demonstrate that he's not too busy partying to enact superficial changes at his new company. [THR]
· Hollywood Out of Ideas, Hollow Man Edition: Universal and Imagine hire David Goyer to write and direct a new take on H.G. Wells' Invisible Man. Brian Grazer to superproduce. (Note: The Grazerhead is too tied up by regrettable personal business to make an appearance at this time.) [Variety]