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Proving there is literally no showbiz pageant title a resourceful programming exec can't magically produce from his ass during an afternoon conference call and quickly slap together into a television event for the ages, Fox Reality is proud to present its hunt for America's Next Top-Heavy Horror Movie Hostess. That's right, aspiring Mistresses of the Dark—Elvira needs a sidekick! From the press release:

Elvira, Mistress of the Dark, is searching for an evil handmaiden to assist with her Halloween hosting duties on the Fox Reality Original "The Search for the Next Elvira," which debuts on Fox Reality, the only all-reality, all-the-time cable and satellite network, on Saturday, October 13 at 9:00 PM PT / 12:00 AM ET.

On Friday, July 13, Fox Reality will host an open "Casket Call" at the Queen Mary in Long Beach, CA for their original series "The Search for the Next Elvira." From the hundreds of horrific hopefuls, Elvira will cut the group down to the unlucky thirteen participants, while the others will be told to "Rest in Peace."

The show's banal kiss-off catchphrase could be taken as a bad omen of tepid things to come. Still, we have every intention of tuning in to the proceedings (assuming we get Fox Reality, which we doubt), specifically for the competition's climactic event: the Undead Rack-Off, in which judges Dracula, The Bride of Frankenstein, and the ever-bitchy Wolfman will weigh in on which ghostly white cleavage separates the Elvira-bes from the real, juggsy deal.