When Fox News launched an amusingly flat-footed attack on Gawker last week, we surmised that it was a pre-emptive strike of sorts in response to our story today (which Fox knew was coming) on Bill O'Reilly's use of the Nassau County Police Department as a personal marriage counseling service.

Last summer, Fox News anchor Bill O'Reilly came to believe that his wife was romantically involved with another man. Not just any man, but a police detective in the Long Island community they call home. So O'Reilly did what any concerned husband would do: He pulled strings to get the police department's internal affairs unit to investigate one of their own for messing with the wrong man's lady.

On his Fox News show tonight, Sean Hannity expressed his annoyance over a Politico item that asked if Rick Perry is dumb. So how did Hannity react? By spending eight minutes calling President Obama a moron for mispronouncing the word "corpsman," naturally. The segment's lowlights are above.

Hey look! The good folks on Fox and Friends did a segment on Gawker this morning, for no apparent reason at all, claiming (falsely!) that our traffic is down 75%.

According to Fox News, the Washington Monument may be tilting as a result of the 5.9 earthquake that just hit the area. Really?

Gilded dildo casket Donald Trump sure was peeved during his weekly call into Fox News' illiterate dementia variety hour, Fox & Friends, today. Muammar Qaddafi, he's no good, sure, but why do the people of Libya now get to manage all of that sweet untapped brent crude under the sands of their own country? Can't NATO, meaning America, just sort of take it now?

Shep Smith on Fox News this afternoon: "Bratton reportedly says he'd want to be London's cop top. [Pause] Top cock. [Sound of something slamming on desk] Top cop." Don't sweat it, Shep. Sometimes you just get blowjobs on the brain. [YouTube]

Fox News anchor Megyn Kelly returned to her show, America Live, on Monday following a three-month maternity leave. Kelly's first order of business? To shame talk radio host Mike Gallagher for calling her maternity leave "a racket." On tonight's Daily Show, Jon Stewart pointed out that Kelly hasn't always been such a big supporter of moms on maternity leave—and he brought out the archival footage to prove it. Video of the segment is above.

All of the candidates, except soon-to-be candidate Rick Perry, are in Ames, Iowa for tonight's Republican debate! Oh wait, neither are Gary Johnson or Thaddeus McCotter or the other loser, Buddy something, or the gay guy. But the others, they're there! So grab your Iowa State Fair fried butter stick and turn on America's channel, Fox News. The future starts below.

The Republican candidates have all gathered in Ames, Iowa tonight for a terrifying Fox News debate. Did they really need to do this on a night with so many wonderful NFL preseason games? Lord, do they ever hate America. Anyway, what will they babble about, and who will win, and what else? Let's explore!

Fred Karger looks like a presidential candidate. He sounds like a presidential candidate. Hell, he is a presidential candidate — the only (openly) gay one currently in the running, who's now polling neck-and-neck with Newt Gingrich for the Republican presidential nomination.

Did Fox News host a momentary feminist triumph today? Why, yes, I think it did. Megyn Kelly invited blowhard radio host Mike Gallagher on her show, and played back audio from the time he scoffed, "Megyn's still on maternity leave, isn't she? Boy, what a racket that is." Select excerpts from the verbal pillaging:

The human buoys over at Fox News' morning brain drain Fox & Friends were doing a little of this earlier today and discussing an educational video shown to kids by the Department of Education in which beloved character SpongeBob Squarepants learns about human-made global warming.

For some strange reason, Fox News can't let go of this month-old post demonstrating—without naming him—that a figure in a White House photo was probably the CIA analyst who tracked down Osama bin Laden. Here's Mike Huckabee over the weekend: "Doesn't their name say it all? Gawker? What do you think of when you think of Gawker? Do you think, 'Oh that's the person I want to invite to my son's birthday party?'" Probably not. But for what it's worth, Gov. Huckabee, we don't really want to go to your son's birthday party, either. Mostly to avoid the dog-slaughtering.

Fox & Friends hopped into the wayback machine this morning to summon outrage about a post we published 23 days ago. They're angry—like a lot of people—that we pointed to a man in photos distributed by the White House and AP as the likely head of the operation to kill bin Laden. In expressing that anger, they published a photo of a covert CIA agent. Way to go, Doocy.

On tonight's Daily Show, Jon Stewart brought up the effort by Fox News and conservative pundits to push a narrative that paints liberals as bullies who do nothing but victimize pure, innocent Christians. But then Stewart played clip after clip of conservatives using bullying tactics against liberals, and it all fell spectacularly apart. Video of the segment is above.

Fox News's stunningly even-handed coverage of Rupert Murdoch's Barbasol-smeared troubles continues with The O'Reilly Factor. Host Bill O'Reilly prodded Tuesday night's yespert — that would be Nile Gardiner, Ph.D. — to back up his assertion that the widespread attention the case is receiving in the U.S. is fueled by the media's radical left agenda:

50 Cent has declared war on Fox News. Which of their journalistic transgressions drew his ire? "Hating on NBC for having chris brown on unbelievable...never watching that again. He paid for his mistake #!@%*# holes." Fight the power, 50. [Twitter]

Remember when Fox News whined that the White House tried to ice them out of an interview with a Treasury Department official that everyone else got to talk to? And the White House denied it? Well, Judicial Watch used the Freedom of Information Act to get emails of White House staffers planning the event, and it turns out they were totally lying! They hate Fox News and think Brett Baier is a "lunatic," which he absolutely is, because he works for Fox News.

God bless Michele Bachmann. Really, this is not a "slam" of her! It is just a funny video of her saying "chutzpah" with unusual aggression. CHOOTS-pah. CHOOTS-pah. You coastie snobs may laugh, but just try pronouncing a popular flappyhead Minnesota-Norwegian word. Try "pop." PAHEP. PAOYP. You can't do it. You can't!