In your buttermilk-battered Wednesday media column: the NYT cafeteria gets a sterling review, Jack Shafer is a night-wandering insomniac, Graydon Carter blackballs restaurateurs, and citizen journalism pays off (for somebody), and Hearst rents a fresh bachelor pad.

• Is Drew Nieporent thinking about taking over Café des Artistes? "It's a great space and I'm always interested in great spaces," he says cryptically. [BN]
• A guide to some of your food options at the US Open. [Gothamist]
• Yesterday, the city unveiled its new anti-obesity campaign against sugary soft drinks and the like; today, the beverage industry fired back. [NYP]
• As part of the deal giving him control of Tavern on the Green, Dean Poll also settled a dispute with the city over $100K in unpaid fees. Convenient! [NYP]
• Some tips and tricks to ordering off a menu, courtesy of Frank Bruni. [GS]
• A roundup of recent restaurant closings around town. [Eater]
• Turning your gross black tar rooftop into a sustainable garden full of tasty fruits and veggies is all the rage, in case you haven't heard. [MSNBC]

The Web was supposed to disintermediate business, replacing corruptible middlemen with accurate information fed directly to consumers. But judging from the restaurant industry's experience, it may have just made corruption more widespread and louche. Just look at this receipt:

• After more than 30 years in business, Café des Artistes is no more. The landmark restaurant closed on August 9 for a monthlong vacation. Now the owners, George and Jenifer Lang, say they've decided against reopening it in September following "steady losses and a union lawsuit." [NYT]
• Another notable closing: Ken Friedman and April Bloomfield's John Dory, which unexpectedly closed its doors on Saturday after just nine months in business. The duo say they're hoping to find a new location for it. [Eater, NYT]
• One place that is not closing, contrary to a rumor that made the rounds late last week: the meatpacking club Griffin, which reports all is well. [P6]
• A Voce should open in the Time Warner Center next week. [GS, Eater]
• A roundup of other spots slated to open over the next week or two. [TONY]
• A roundup of places scheduled to debut over the next few months. [Zagat]
• Kurt Gutenbrunner (Wallse, Blaue Gans, Cafe Sabarsky) has signed on to oversee the menu at the new beer garden at the Standard Hotel. [Eater]
• If Dean Poll wants to keep the Tavern on the Green name when he takes over the venue, he may have to pay as much as $19 million for the rights. [NYP]

• Dean Poll, the man behind the Central Park Boathouse, has been awarded the contract to operate Tavern on the Green. The decision by the Parks Department, which takes effect in 2010, takes the restaurant out of the hands of the LeRoy family, who have overseen the landmark since 1976. [NYT, GS]
• Bia Garden, Michael Huynh's latest venture, opens its doors this eve. [Eater]
• Rumor has it the Griffin, the meatpacking nightspot located in the former PM space, may be shutting down after just three months in business. [GoaG]
• Il Bordello on 23rd Street and Tenth Avenue has closed its doors. [Eater]
• The new stadiums for the Mets and Yankees are now selling fresh fruit. [NYT]
• A Q&A with Nick Anderer, the Gramercy Tavern veteran who will be running the kitchen at Danny Meyer's Maialino when it opens in November. [MM]

• Tonight is the last night for Elettaria on West 8th Street. [Eater, GS]
• La Goulue on Madison Ave. was dismantled and packed up yesterday. [P6]
• David Burke's eponymous restaurant reopened its doors last night. [GS]
• Due to the economy and not-so-spectacular weather, this hasn't turned out to be the best summer for restaurants in the Hamptons. [EH Star via Curbed]
• Charles on West 4th Street begins brunch service this weekend. [GS]
• Graydon Carter is collaborating with someone new at Monkey Bar. His 83-year-old mother's butter tart is now on the dessert menu. [P6]

• Today was Frank Bruni's last day as New York Times dining critic. In honor of the momentous occasion, Bruni shares some thoughts on, well, just about everything you've ever wondered during his five-year tenure. [NYT, NYT]
• Bruni-blitz, con't: Two more interviews with Bruni are online today, including the longest one you'll probably ever see, courtesy of Team Eater. [Eater, TFB]
• The "disastrous, wipeout summer" that many chefs and restaurant owners were fearfully predicting just a couple of months ago never really came to pass, Steve Cuozzo happily reports today in the New York Post. [NYP]
• Today in food reviews: The Daily News' Danyelle Freeman gives The Mott three stars out of five; Pete Wells of the Times pays a visit to SHO Shaun Hergatt; Time Out's Jay Cheshes hits the Standard Grill and has very good things to say; and Bloomberg's Ryan Sutton surveys the city's sandwich scene.
• Corton's Paul Liebrandt may be widely respected chef. But to describe him as an unpleasant interview subject would be a huge understatement. [BlackBook]

• Trouble is brewing for Cru on lower Fifth Avenue. The restaurant has been served up with eviction papers and it now appears to be closed. [Eater, GS]
• Los Feliz, a new taco/ceviche spot brought to you by the team behind Spitzer's Corner and the Dark Room, opens this Friday. [UD, BB]
• A few recommendations on where to eat at the U.S. Open. [NYM]
• Tien Ho, the man who will be running the show at the Momofuku in Midtown, details what's in store for the forthcoming Chambers Hotel outpost. [GS]
• The Standard Grill is serving lunch as of today. [Zagat]

The Way We Live Now: Bartering. And gambling. Bartering and gambling. We've regressed.

• In its fall preview issue, New York surveys the nine spots opening soon in the meatpacking district, four of which happen to be at the Standard. [NYM]
• Related: Metromix's fall restaurant preview is now online. [Metromix]
• Amy Sacco is on the move: She's opening a Bungalow 8 in Amsterdam. [P6]
• A sneak peek at Yerba Buena Perry, which opens later this week. [Eater]
• Musical chairs: Ryan Bartlow, formerly of Sam Mason's Tailor, is now running the kitchen at Bar Carrera, the sister restaurant to Bar Veloce; and Shlomo Kashy is the new executive chef at Cafe at Country. [TSB, NYT]
• Danny Meyer finally tackles the questions that have been on your mind forever: He prefers flat water to sparkling and pancakes over waffles. [YaH]
• Speaking of Meyer, a few new details on his upcoming Maialino. [Zagat]

• Rising star Nate Appleman will be moving from SF to NYC to take up the helm at Pulino's, the Keith McNally pizzeria slated to open in December. [GS]
• Chef Laurent Tourondel is hoping to take his BLT franchise to the new W Hotel and Residences in the financial district. [Eater]
• The Parks Dep't was supposed to pick a winning bid to operate Tavern on the Green last month. It didn't, and now the bidders are getting antsy. [NYO]
• Julian Medina, the owner of Yerba Buena and Toloache, is expanding: Yerba Buena Perry will open in the West Village next Wednesday. [GS]
• The restaurant Joseph Leonard only opened a few weeks ago, but it's already been rammed by a car. Fortunately, the damage was minimal. [VV]
• A few restaurant closings around town in recent days. [Eater]
• The city is facing off against "a small flotilla" of hot dog carts outside the Met; the vendors claim they can be there because they're disabled veterans. [NYT]
• Starbucks is either raising its prices or lowering them. It's hard to say, really.

Google must not be big on fresh shellfish in the company cafeteria, judging from executive chief Preeti Mistry's Wednesday performance on Top Chef. The Cordon Bleu graduate figured she'd just shuck the little beasties like oysters. Whoops!

• Cooking shows are all the rage right now with the Food Network and Travel Channel both witnessing record ratings. Real estate shows, however, have been bombing. Why? "Food can take away the pain." [Bloomberg]
• A Q&A with Danny Meyer, who says he hopes to regain the star that his Union Square Cafe lost recently just as soon as Sam Sifton takes over as Times dining critic, and that his big pet peeve are dishes with hazelnuts in them. [RG]
• Steve Hanson reports the eatery he's opening in the former Hog Pit space on Ninth Avenue will be casual American spot called Bill's Bar & Burger. [NYT]
• The chance the fish you're eating does not have some mercury in it? Virtually nil, according to a new report by government scientists. [NYT]

• Danny Meyer will open a new restaurant in the Gramercy Park Hotel this November. Now it has a name. It will be called Maialino, or "little pig" in Italian, which was Meyer's nickname when he lived in Rome. [GS]
• Today in restaurant reviews: Frank Bruni issues his final review for the Times this week, giving the decidedly DIY eatery The Redhead a star; Time Out's Jay Cheshes hands out four out of five stars to Daniel Boulud's DBGB; the Daily News' Danyelle Freeman is pretty disappointed with Civetta; Bloomberg's Ryan Sutton samples the $100 platter of fried chicken at David Chang's Momofuku; and Alan Richman of GQ files a report on Sorella on the Lower East Side.
• Will Goldfarb and Kevin Pomplun's barbecue food truck, Picnick Smoked, has only been open a few days, but it's already totally overwhelmed. [GS]

• Not surprisingly, the prospect of a TGI Friday's opening across from the Greenmarket in Union Square has provoked all sorts of outrage. [Eater]
• On a related note (and notwithstanding the economic downturn), chain stores are rapidly expanding across the city, in case you haven't noticed. [NYT]
• Magnolia Bakery, coming off the heels of a minor scandal at its West Village location, reports that it's opening a Grand Central location this fall. [VV]
• Places to eat in the Hamptons should you happen to be on a budget. [Zagat]

Former NYT food critic Frank Bruni's big (eh) Nightline appearance is coming up. Its highlight: Bruni giving the full review treatment to a Choco Taco. No stars? Hey bro, I'll eat it. Watch the magic, below.

• Jeffrey Chodorow says he plans to turn his failed steakhouse, Center Cut, into a seafood shack-style spot called Ed's Chowder House. Ed Brown, the chef and owner of Eighty One, will be his partner in the venture. [NYT]
• Like father, like son, apparently: The new chef at Jean-Georges Vongerichten's Perry Street is JGV's eldest son, Cedric Vongerichten. [TFB]
• John Fraser says he's planning to expand his UWS eatery, Dovetail. [VV]
• Butchers are the new food world rock stars, in case you haven't heard. [ABC]
• Bed-Stuy gets its first speakeasy, SarahJames, this weekend. [GS]
• The guy who owns most of the Burger Kings in Brooklyn and Queens has gone bankrupt, just in case you happen to be interested in that tidbit. [Crain's]
• Make of this what you will: Sales of bottled water have been going down while at the same time whiskey sales have been on the rise.

• After 37 years in business—and following several lease extensions—La Goulue on Madison Avenue will close its doors on Aug. 26. The owners say they're still hoping to reopen it somewhere else in the neighborhood. [NYT]
• Further evidence that this is a really tough time for media companies: The New York Times has licensed its name to a new wine club. [Reuters, release]
• Simon Hammerstein is hoping to revive The Box with some new talent. Joey Arias will be taking over hosting duties beginning next month. [P6]
• Like the many critics before him, New York's Adam Platt doesn't go easy on Monkey Bar: "A-list connections can't cover for D-grade cooking." [NYM]

• In his next-to-last review for the Times, Frank Bruni upgrades Danny Meyer's Eleven Madison Park from three stars to four, making it Bruni's sixth four-star review in five years and making Daniel Humm, Eleven Madison Park's 32-year-old chef, an extraordinarily happy man, suffice it to say. [NYT]
• Related: Over on Diner's Journal, Bruni explains the big decision. [NYT/DJ]
• Other reviews this week: Time Out's Jay Cheshes gives Aureole four out of five stars; Restaurant Girl comes away from the Standard Grill very impressed; the Post's Steve Cuozzo is thrilled with the Standard Grill, too; and Bloomberg News's Ryan Sutton gives two stars out of four to SHO Shaun Hergatt.
• As rumored a few months back, the Sant Ambroeus team is taking over the former Lever House space and turning it into Casa Lever. [NYT]
• Todd English has signed on to oversee the kitchen at the Great Jones Hotel, a 13-story hotel that is currently under construction. [Eater]

• A few new restaurants scheduled open this week or next. [Gothamist]
• Expansions du jour: Michael Psilakis (Anthos, Kefi, Gus & Gabriel) may or may not be looking to launch a Greek food-truck. And Michael Huynh (Bar Bao, Baoguettes) is planning to open O Bao Noodles & Grill on East 53rd St. this fall.
• Bars and restaurants often continue to operate after they file for bankruptcy. That doesn't appear to be the case with Merkato 55, though. [Eater]
• Oprah's diet was destroyed during a visit to NYC last weekend. Of course, potato skins at Planet Hollywood and dessert at Serendipity 3 will do that. [P6]