fitness
Let's Talk About Pain
Hamilton Nolan · 04/13/12 09:05AMHave a Freaking Goal
Hamilton Nolan · 04/06/12 09:00AMStop Doing Curls
Hamilton Nolan · 03/28/12 11:30AMIt's Not a Competition
Hamilton Nolan · 03/20/12 03:20PMWork Out Alone
Hamilton Nolan · 03/14/12 11:49AMDo Not Brag About Your Leg Press
Hamilton Nolan · 03/05/12 09:45AMBlack Women Are Like 'I'm Fine,' White Women Are Like 'I'm Fat'
Hamilton Nolan · 02/28/12 01:39PMExercise Is the Only Fitness Option That Doesn't Make You Dumb
Hamilton Nolan · 02/17/12 12:33PMGood news for everyone out there who's been called a "meathead" or a "doofus" or a "Jersey boy" or a "oxbrain" or a "big dumb galoot" simply because you enjoy lifting weights at the gymnasium: modern research shows that all types of exercise "ward off a host of cognitive impairments and enhances brainpower all life long." Which is good, because everything else designed to prevent you from being fat will, sadly, also make you dumb.
Responses to Emails About Our Definitive Scientific Ranking of Sports and Fitness Activities
Hamilton Nolan · 02/10/12 05:30PMEarlier this week we brought you the Definitive Ranking of Each and Every Sport and Fitness Activity. We noted at the time that there is no appealing the rankings, because they are based on a very complex scientific formula that we won't go into here because it's probably over your head. Nevertheless, we received feedback on the list, in the form of emails from people with poor reading comprehension.
All 47 Sports and Fitness Activities, Ranked
Hamilton Nolan · 02/08/12 04:10PMIn this world, there are many ways to exercise. Some are actual sports; others are specific types of exercise; all will make you sweat, somehow. We have ranked them in scientific order, based on the following criteria: Physical Difficulty; Amount That You Would Be Humiliated If You Tried to Just Waltz In and Do Them Like Some Big Shot Because You Thought They Would Be Easy; and Overall Hardcoreness. Fake bullshit sports are not included. All rankings are final.
A Guide to Workout Supplements That Probably Won't Kill You
Hamilton Nolan · 02/03/12 03:41PMThe US Army has launched an investigation into workout supplements after two soldiers fell down and died from heart attacks after taking pre-workout boosters like Jack3d and OxyElite Pro, which contain DMAA, a no good very bad/ perfectly safe amphetamine that either gives you heart attacks or is totally innocuous, depending on who you ask.
Crossfit Is Over
Hamilton Nolan · 01/16/12 01:52PMDid you get a chance to do Crossfit when it was still hardcore? Did you get a chance to do 15 body weigh overhead squats followed by 400-yard sprints for time until you puked, or Tabata intervals until you puked, or sled pulling followed by burpees followed by box jumps followed by muscle-ups, until you puked? If you haven't done it already, it's too late. Crossfit is over.
The Year in Super Hardcore Extreme Fitness
Hamilton Nolan · 12/28/11 12:05PMLike a lazy kid scribbling his homework on the school bus, all the so-called "fitness experts" are stepping off their "Bosu balls" and putting down the "health food" to draw up some "year in fitness" articles. As if. Celebrity veganism? Old people walking more? Okay, grandma, sure thing. That article will go well with your neon leotard and rubber-coated five-pound hand weights you use to do bicep curls. Eschew the lying mainstream fitness media complex! Let us now look back at The Year in Fitness: Super Hardcore Extremes of Truth, Gawker Style (Muscle Time!) edition!
Fear of Jogging Proves Greater than Love of Soda
Hamilton Nolan · 12/16/11 03:15PMFor years, nay, decades, public health scolds have tried and tried to politely inform the American people that drinking gallon upon gallon of Fanta cola in lieu of water could have negative health effects, including but not limited to the fact that we as a nation are now enormous. But! Now, public health advocates have learned to tap into that most primal fear of Americans: fear of exercise.
As Long As You're Fit, You Can Be Fat and Not Die
Hamilton Nolan · 12/06/11 04:25PMStretching: Useless As Well As Ridiculous-Looking
Hamilton Nolan · 11/16/11 05:05PMRampaging Gymgoer Killed by Taser Attack
Seth Abramovitch · 11/01/11 12:53AMAnyone who works out at a gym with any regularity is familiar with the unspoken laws of the weight room jungle: Allow fellow gymgoers to "work in"; don't grunt like a horny ape upon exertion; and, most importantly, don't lift your shirt to nipple level and admire your own abdominals in the mirror for extended periods of time. It's all pretty common sense stuff, and for the most part, people abide by it, making the gym a pleasant experience for everyone. But then, of course, there are those who don't.