Here's a nice, sharp break from the cheerleading and punch-pulling for which Wall Street analysts are notorious: A financier on Garmin's last quarterly call, cussing out company for shitty margins on a product.
Goldman Sachs, Morgan Stanley, and JPMorgan Chase are all on track to pay record bonuses this year, as you've probably heard. "The firms—the three biggest banks to exit the Troubled Asset Relief Program—will hand out $29.7 billion in bonuses, according to analysts' estimates. That's up 60 percent from last year and more than the previous high of $26.8 billion in 2007." But as Goldman chief Lloyd Blankfein explained to the London Times over the weekend, they're doing "God's work," and you can't put a price on that, can you? [Bloomberg]
If you're a Citigroup shareholder and you've watched your investment in the bank tumble into the abyss over the past year, take heart. John Reed, the man partly responsible for creating the dysfunctional financial supermarket that Citigroup turned into by merging Citicorp with Sandy Weill's Travelers Group in 1998, is really, really sorry. "We learn from our mistakes," says Reed. Feel better now? [Bloomberg]
More great news for Goldman Sachs employees: "A whopping 36 times in the third quarter, the firm generated more than $100 million in revenue in a single day just from trading stocks, bonds and other instruments. That translates to 55% of the time, considering there were 65 trading days last quarter. The number of days Goldman traders lost money? Just one." [Crain's]
Jon Corzine was unseated as New Jersey's governor yesterday. Meanwhile, Bank of America is desperately seeking a new CEO and just yesterday announced it would be fine with having its next chief based in the New York area, instead of at BofA HQ in Charlotte. Is it possible that Jon Corzine could decide to return to his Wall Street roots and take over the troubled bank? Stranger things have happened, clearly. [Dealbreaker]
We can appreciate things are tough over at Citigroup right now what with the bank's stock price at its lowest point since August. And, sure, Citi is looking to hoard as much money as possible in the event another crisis comes along. But this effort by bank employees to create their own personal stockpiles of cash? Now they're beginning to push it! [NYP]
Good news for senior execs at bailed-out banks and auto companies. While Treasury Department "pay czar" Ken Feinberg announced last week that he was slashing overall compensation at the companies under his control, he's since decided to raise base salaries. Why? Because the banks complained, of course, which prompted Feinberg to re-review the matter.
Michael Bloomberg built his estimated $16 billion fortune thanks to Bloomberg LP, the financial news provider he founded in 1981. Thirty years later, it is now one of the most lucrative media operations on the planet. Banks and large corporations pay $1,250 a month for each Bloomberg terminal that's installed in its office. There are no discounts available and the company never engages in price negotiations. And while Bloomberg faces competition from the likes of Reuters and Dow Jones, neither company has been able to successfully dislodge the grip that Bloomberg has on the financial media marketplace. No wonder. Getting Bloomberg to cancel your monthly subscription is about as easy as getting Columbia House to stop billing your credit card for those "free" DVDs it insists on sending you every month, even after you've called the 1-800 number a dozen times to complain.
Hunting for a job in finance? Allow recent college grad Jeffrey Chiang to show you a few things you should try to avoid doing at all costs. First off, if you're going to lie to a prospective employer and say you've already received an offer from another firm, they then ask for some proof of this offer, and you decide to go ahead and forge an email, try your very best to spell the name of the company correctly. (Although "Bank of Ameria" does have a exotic ring to it, we must admit.) And if a bank offers to fly you into town for an interview, do not insist to the travel agent making the arrangements that you have to stay at the Four Seasons. It's not 2004! [Dealbreaker]
Wall Street CEOs make a fortune, as you're undoubtedly aware. Even the chief executives of banks that have been bailed-out by Washington or have gone bust usually end up doing nicely. But despite the riches and perks these men have accumulated and massive egos they've developed along the way, few of them would do all that well in a beauty contest. Because it's high time that Wall Street take advantage of the miracle of modern science—and because we care, dammit—we took the liberty of contacting Dr. Anthony Youn, a board-certified plastic surgeon who has made appearances on Dr. 90210 and the Rachael Ray Show, to ask him what procedures he'd suggest these titans of finance consider if they want to look their very best. Dr. Youn's answers and cost estimates—and our commentary—is below.
Perhaps you've noticed that there are about 48 books about the financial crisis that have magically appeared on bookstore shelves in the last few weeks? (And there are a bunch more to come, don't you worry.) Naturally, you can't possibly be expected to read all of them. (Let's face it. You'll be lucky if you make it through any of them, especially since several of the tomes clock in at 500 pages or more.) Fortunately, Moe Tkacik has summed them all up in a tidy 2,200 words, which means you might just sound like you know what you're talking about the next time the financial meltdown comes up in conversation. [Daily Intel]
It's not all bad news for Bank of America today. Sure, the financial giant announced a $1 billion loss for the third quarter following heavy losses in its mortgage and credit card divisions. But it made some of it back within hours. Property records filed with the city today indicate the bank sold off its corporate apartment in the Time Warner Center for $7.2 million, and it purchased the place for $6.35 million three years ago. So if you're a Bank of America shareholder and it makes you feel any better, feel free to adjust the loss downward to 999,150,000. [NYT, NYO]
Ken Lewis, the outgoing CEO of Bank of America, won't be collecting a salary or bonus for 2009, according to the Wall Street Journal. Why? Because the Treasury Department's pay czar, Ken Feinberg, demanded it and the bank conceded rather than put up a fight. Don't shed any tears for Lewis: His retirement package is still worth between $69.3 million and $120 million. But there's reason to believe Citigroup chief executive Vikram Pandit is quaking in his Ferragamo loafers this evening:
Goldman Sachs announced third-quarter earnings today and, as expected, Lloyd Blankfein has good reason to smile. The firm raked in $3.1 billion in profits, which was three times what the bank made during the same period in 2008. And Goldman bonuses will set a new record when they're doled out in a few months: A whopping $5.25 billion was set aside this quarter alone to pay for them. (As several people predicted, the firm also announced it was putting a big chuck of money—$200 million—into its foundation this quarter in what appears to be an attempt to counter negative press over the big bonuses.) But travel a few miles north from Goldman HQ to the offices of Citigroup CEO Vikram Pandit and the mood isn't as cheery.
