If you're sick and tired of being treated as a pawn by the Balloon Boy family, you're not alone. In this video, one neighbor is mad enough to get into a fight with 'the media' for blocking his car.

Incarcerated real estate bellwether Bernie Madoff reportedly got into a fist-throwing prison brawl! Which could more accurately be characterized as "two elderly men poking each other angrily while discussing financial strategies." Assuming it actually happened. Gang war!

Did you know that crooked financier and voodoo priest Allen Stanford used to run a bodybuilding gym? It's true! Didn't stop him from getting his ass whupped in jail. But there's a bright side.

Media law is boring. Not in South Korea! The National Assembly passed a long-awaited reform bill to privatize the media over there today, but only after brawling, screaming, and storming the podium. Pay attention, Republicans:

Vice co-founder Gavin McInnes is still doing edgy things, like getting knocked out cold in a backyard boxing match. Hey, boxing is hard. Don't judge; just enjoy. Gavin: headgear, buddy. Headgear. [StreetCarnage]

Why do you not publicly address last weekend's rumored pizza-related fistfight, Jimmy Fallon? What are you hiding? The smirking TV host has conveniently skirted the issue so far. But we have sources everywhere!

America's favorite bad comedian Jimmy Fallon was kicked out of a pizza place yesterday! And not only that: one of our tipsters tells us the scene degenerated into a fistfight. Protect Jimmy!

Hooray for this: wonderful quote-machine and buffoonish RNC head Michael Steele is picking a pointless, hilarious fight with Rush Limbaugh.

Wow, it's already January 2 and no Julia Allison posts yet? Well it's time to get you all caught up on the protofameball's shattered sense of calm and ongoing New Year's friendsult fight!

Martha Stewart, a lady who made billions of dollars talking about stuff for your house and dinner parties and things like that and also went to jail once, is already feuding with her company's new co-CEO, Wendy Harris Millard. Recall that, just this past summer, Stewart's company pushed out Susan Lyne, the former CEO. Now even Millard (Lyne's replacement) herself acknowledges there's been "healthy debate," which means the shit must have been too bad to even try to deny. The "differences" are attributed to different "personalities." For example, Martha Stewart's personality is that of a tyrant. [NYP via Cityfile]

Uh oh, the Madonna divorce may be getting ugly and, God bless us all, public. While muscling her way through her Sticky & Sweet show in Boston last night, the Queen of Pop made reference to the "emotionally retarded" when introducing a song about her soon-to-be-ex-husband, film director Guy Ritchie. Which, um, zing? She also opened the show with her tune "Human Nature," which is about not being sorry about things and features the oft repeated lyric "I'm not sorry." Though, she's been hinting at this for a week now. You may remember that last week ol' Madge was in New York, and said cryptically at her concert: "In exactly 29 moves, the Queen will dump the King." She had 29 tour dates left at that point, and I guess she was hoping to keep the gargantuanly expensive divorce (like lots of millions of dollars, or about six pounds) under wraps until her tour ended. But, I guess she was just too giddy about the exciting, shitty news so she made sly and self-important references to it in beloved old Boston and I guess we'll eat it up. A messy public divorce would be just the right thing to take Maddy from her too-comfortable role as fitness-crazed London mommy to bitter, song-spewing, 50-year-old chick from Detroit with scores to settle. Madonna's been way too nice for the past few years. Let's hope that her Beantown outburst means that the bitch is back. [Daily Mail]

Doug Dechert, a "sometime PR flack" and sometime-writer who's about 50 years old, threatened to assault former Gawker editor and current Radar writer Choire Sicha Wednesday night. Specifically, Dechert said "I'm going to punch that little prick [Choire] in his fucking face." Dechert—who was once on the receiving end of an email defenestration and a shove from Ian Spiegalman—made the threat at a book party for chaste author Dawn Eden. Which Choire Sicha did not attend. Here are the specifics, from NY Press writer Matt Harvey, who was there:

It has been months now since Fox News' PR machine issued one of its trademark slams of a critic, and we, for one, are happy that they have come off their summer vacations and gone back to work. The target this time: Jon Stewart, darling funnyman of the liberal elite. Surprise! The best part about this new spat: the person who comes off looking worst of all is not Stewart, nor Fox's flack, but rather the Washington Post's vacuous conventional media wisdom purveyor Howie Kurtz. A fight to admire, and a symptom of increased media fragmentation and public alienation! A full recap: The Democratic convention is such a news-bereft wasteland that Stewart was apparently giving a press conference, consisting of him riffing to a roomful of eager reporters. During the course of this, he said that Fox News' "Fair and Balanced" slogan is "the biggest 'fuck you' to people with brains that I've ever seen in my life" and that Chris Wallace is the network's only legit anchor, and that Fox is biased against Obama. Stop the fucking presses, right? But Howie Kurtz, trooper that he is, put in a call to Fox, and came back with this paragraph for his story:

The ultimate fighting champ Quentin "Rampage" Jackson got arrested last night for the second time this week! He was reportedly "acting weird," just a day after his "insane chase" with cops in LA. Probable explanation: the massive head injuries Rampage sustained being beaten up by blogger Alex Blagg. [Previously: Blogger Wrestles World Champion Fighter: Find Out What Happens!]

The hip hop magazine XXL has a serious problem: It was founded back in the days when hip hop people actually wore XXL clothes. Now, everybody wears tight pants, and young'uns don't even understand what "XXL" means. So Byron "Bol" Crawford, a blogger for the magazine's website-whom I secretly love (NO HOMO, Bol) because he is perhaps the most offensive asshole on earth-is trying to revive the relevance of XXL's name by encouraging hip hop to "reclaim its manliness." By, uh, smashing all "teh gheyness."

There's a bitchfight going on between reporters in Minnesota that is far too obscure to go through blow-by-blow, but here's a representative assessment: "And saying the 'Daily Glean' is the among the 'most-read things on Minnpost' is like bragging about finishing first in the Special Olympics." [City Pages]

Country star Tim McGraw drew cheers and admiring headlines yesterday when he snatched an unruly fan out of the audience and tossed him aside like a big sack of jerkness. But he's hardly the first famous singer who had to stop a show in order to manhandle a crazy audience member. Fans run on stage, throw bottles, and scream insults—and sometimes, the band fights back. The stars on stage almost always win. Eagle-eyed Gawker video chief Richard Blakeley has compiled ten clips of Famous Band Vs. Stupid Fan violence, from the Rolling Stones to Akon. Click to watch, and learn your lesson.

Suge Knight, CEO of Death Row Records, intimidating former football player, and certified gangster, somehow got himself knocked out at a club on Saturday night. Odd! Even odder: the guy who did the knocking allowed TMZ to take his picture, although "he didn't want us to use his name." Message to that guy: Run, you fool! Run for your life! Message to Suge Knight: we are on your side in this and all other disputes, and don't let anyone tell you any differently. But seriously, Mr. Punchy: Run. Below, two pictures of Suge Knight laid out unconscious, which should not be construed as disrespectful to him in any way:

How does one go about "menacing a neighbor with [a] cell phone," as the AP reports of Brooklyn rapper Foxy Brown? The AP does not explain. The fight started with Foxy "blasting her car stereo" outside the building. (This scuffle is not to be confused with last year's fight with a manicurist.)

Oh no they didn't. Evidently droopy-eyed heiress Paris Hilton and droopy-lifed actress Lindsay Lohan got into some kind of blowout at a Grammys after party last night. Seems that the freckle and cocaine dappled Lohan, upon seeing Hilton at the same party, shrieked: "What the hell is that bitch doing here? I didn't know she was on the list." Hilton deftly parried, hissing "Fuck off you bitch." Reportedly they both want to work with producer Timbaland (who was hosting the party) to reboot their failing music careers. Sooo, it's eventually just going to get to the point where they stab each other in the eyes upon first greeting, huh? [Mirror]