Was there a brawl on St. Patrick's day at a McDonald's? Why are you even asking? [NYP]

As current beef goes, this one is almost as lame as The Weeknd saying that The-Dream looks like the Hamburglar on Twitter, but public name-calling is public name-calling, and so we will share this particularly stupid incident with you: Piers Morgan, CNN's premier ruddy-faced gasbag, is still really pissed at Kate Moss.

Fist fights need not be restricted to bars and sporting events: today, two concertgoers at the Chicago Symphony began brawling as the second movement of Brahms Symphony No. 2 came to a close. And these men weren't in the nosebleed section — they had purchased box seats.

Almost three years ago, after writing a Gawker post in which I casually referred to the neo-Nazi Holocaust Museum shooter James von Brunn as a "right-wing extremist," a got a voicemail message from Andrew Breitbart. He was angry.

Meet Pierre Casiraghi, 24-year-old Monegasque prince and grandson of Grace Kelly, pictured here with his sister Princess Charlotte. But be aware: he might look a little bit different after a "vicious" nightclub brawl this weekend — involving Paris Hilton's ex Stavros Niarchos and the former owner of Hawaiian Tropic — that landed him in the hospital.

There is no activity that you can imagine—legal or illegal, savory or unsavory—that is not occurring on a regular basis behind some closed door somewhere in New York City. Are there regularly occurring, unlicensed, and unregulated full-contact bloody ultimate fighting competitions happening in some underground gym way up in The Bronx, for example? Of course there are. This is a metropolis, after all.

Remember Nate Naylor, Scarlett Johansson's boob-obsessed ad exec boyfriend? Two months ago he sucker-punched a romantic rival at a bar, then ran away and hid in a bathroom. But the damsel in question wasn't ScarJo; it was one of Nate's exes.

The strange case of the toxic tushes expands: Corey Eubanks, indicted medical assistant of crazed fix-a-flat butt injection doc Oneal Ron Morris, taped an episode of Telemundo show Cristina last night, and ended up brawling with several of his alleged victims, including Rajee Narinesingh. (Red dress, trying to keep the peace. Rajee is my favorite character in this story.)

Perhaps you have heard the news about this, the most destabilizing political scandal to hit American politics since Teapot Dome: President Obama and Arizona Gov. Jan Brewer had a modest disagreement about her new book, Scorpions for Breakfast, on the tarmac yesterday. The photographers even captured her pointing at him. What is everyone's problem?

It's the end of the year, which means that it's time for Greek Orthodox clergymen and Armenian Orthodox clergymen to come together in order to "[scream] at each other and beat each other with broomsticks" during their annual cleaning of the Church of Nativity, where Jesus was born. As Jesus said, "If an adherent of a Christian sect with exceedingly minor theological or geographic differences crosseth into thine half of my birthplace whilst engaged in the very same charitable task as thou, thou must smite him with your broom."

Minnesota's giant shrine to the gods of mass retail, the Mall of America, erupted into a 200-person melee last night. Thirty police stormed the premises, putting the entire mall on a temporary lockdown. The mallrats are rebelling!

Horrible person Andrew Breitbart is fighting (again) with horrible person Glenn Beck, and while we know we should be feeling that soft warm joy that comes when two horrible people are engaged in a dispute, secretly we are sort of sad: we agree with Glenn Beck!

The above video depicts a female student having a meltdown in the library at Cal State Northridge on Tuesday. Despite several reports to the contrary, the video was recorded and first posted to Facebook by a CSUN student named Ashley Monroe, who claimed in comments below it that the altercation began after the girl demanded others in the library "not breathe loud[ly]."

This is Anthony Miranda, 24, an enterprising but unlucky young Chicagoan who on Friday learned the hard way that choosing your victim is the most important part of any robbery.

What should have been just another sleepy Canadian Football League alumni luncheon in Vancouver on Friday turned unexpectedly violent, when Joe Kapp, 73, former quarterback for the B.C. Lions, got into a fight with his longtime rival, 74-year-old Angelo Mosca, former defensive tackle for the Hamilton Tiger-Cats.

In case you missed this story from last Friday, it will start your week off on an inspirational note: the security camera video above shows Luis Rosales robbing a Los Angeles hotel—and then running into Brent Alvarez and Billy Denney, two MMA fighters who just arrived in town for a fight tournament. A group hug of crime-fighting ensued! The LAT reports:

Katie Roiphe—writer, daughter of Anne, white female, upper class, Brooklynite, pooh-poohs date rape, hates Gawker, hates your sex life, you know the one—had a very dramatic experience today. Very dramatic. It was... I don't even... just let me gather my nerves for a moment.

"Virginia Is for Lovers." This state slogan is a great, cheap way to "make a point" whenever something fucked up happens in the state of Virginia. Such as, for example, "school security personnel" relentlessly blasting Norfolk-area public school students with pepper spray. For lovers? Yeah, lovers of pepper spray!

What's going on with Rick Perry and Mitt Romney? Perry—who more or less slept through his first GOP debates—aggressively jumped on frontrunner Romney in Las Vegas on Tuesday night, earning an enthusiastic response from Romney, who gently touched Perry and attempted to teach the Texas governor the rules. Of the debate. You can smell the testiness! All the drama, and tension, of two coked-up frat brothers arguing about politics at 6 a.m.! And poor Anderson Cooper, the supposed moderator, just sitting there there on the sidelines.

To the illustrious and soul-deadening genre of McDonalds Beatings Caught on Tape, we can add this: the one where two irate customers jump the counter so the McDonald's cashier runs in the back and fetches and metal rod and beats the hell out both of them, but the cashier was a man who just spent a decade in prison for manslaughter and the customers were both women so there really aren't any folk heroes here, folks.