The most popular user on Google's new social network is the CEO of Facebook, who has 50 percent more followers than the CEO of Google. It's geek humiliation!

Famous Twitter user Ashton Kutcher is extremely upset at the Village Voice. The paper wrote a cover story making fun of him and bashing his anti-sex trafficking efforts. Now he will make sure no company advertises in the paper or on its site, ever.

Google Plus understands you're nervous, baby. That Facebook, he cheated on you, embarrassed you, and keeps promising to change. But you can trust Google Plus. He's different. Really! Dump Facebook and tell all your friends about your new, richer social network.

Last week, we got a glimpse of the Meghan McCain-bashing included in Bristol Palin's forthcoming memoir.

Surprise! Cameron and Tyler Winklevoss were just kidding about giving up on their legal war against Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg over him allegedly stealing their idea for Facebook. They're actually just changing tactics, slightly.

It's over. Cameron and Tyler Winklevoss have finally—finally!—given up the legal war that earned them $100 million, that shamed the founder of Facebook, and that spawned an Oscar-winning movie.

Following Bam Margera's outrage over a Roger Ebert tweet about Jackass star Ryan Dunn's death ("friends don't let jackasses drink and drive") Ebert has taken to his blog.

Finally, the political-daughter-turned-memoirist smackdown we've been waiting for: Bristol Palin is taking on Meghan McCain.

So Roger Ebert went and posted that stupid tweet this morning about Ryan Dunn's death, "Friends don't let jackasses drink and drive," which he is still standing behind, but really, just shut up Roger Ebert? Nothing was conclusive at the time of the tweet, friends and fans were still in mortal shock over the awful news, and if I wanted lectures about the perils of drunk driving, which I do not, I wouldn't seek them out from a movie critic? That tweet just summed up everything that's annoying about Twitter to me. People wanting to be heard, me not wanting to hear them. (And stop contributing New Yorker Cartoon Caption Contest entries, already! You got your framed trophy and bragging rights. How much validation of one's pithiness can one man possibly need?)

In your misty Monday media column: Michael Wolff vs. David Carr continues, as does the HuffPo's hiring spree, as does the growth of the class action suit against HuffPo, Gay Talese gives the NYT props, Time magazine has an apocalyptic "brand image," and AMI is for sale.

Sure, we'd heard there was a civil war at AOL following the Huffington Post merger. But we never imagined we'd be hearing tales quite so evocative of schoolyard bullying. Team HuffPo is apparently the meanest clique at AOL Junior High.

Today chocolate manufacturer Cadbury released a statement apologizing for an ad that associated notorious supermodel Naomi Campbell with a chocolate bar. Campbell called the ad "racist" and said she planned to sue. Well, the apology is out of the way, but Campbell still isn't happy.

In your finally Friday media column: Shep Smith vs. Bill Keller, New York Times overload, Utah is just like New York, Conde Nast's real estate decisions criticized, and Tina Brown poaches another one.

Body-modification superstar Mariajosé Cristerna enjoyed a surge of popularity recently when photos of the "Vampire Woman of Mexico," as she is better known, went cross-platform viral — popping up on everything from supermarket tabloids to Fox News and The Huffington Post.

Eric Schmidt is sorry he let Facebook walk away with the entire social networking market. The Google chairman and CEO said he knew about the threat several years ago, but didn't address it. Distracted, much?

Anderson Cooper has been tweeting pictures from the tornado wreckage in Joplin, Missouri. But then he took some time out to call another Twitter user a "moron." What got Andy's parka in a bunch?

In your soaking Tuesday media column: Tina Brown goes out on a limb, journalists are set free in Libya, Dorothy Parvaz is still missing, Greta Van Susteren vs. Mediaite, and the media continue to consume and excrete itself, nonstop.

After the online vigilante group Anonymous attacked his websites last October, KISS bassist Gene Simmons promised to hunt the perpetrators down and "sue their pants off." In an interview this week he struck a much softer tone.

Jon Stewart has accepted Bill O'Reilly's offer to debate the terrible scandal about rapper Common reading a poem at the White House. It will air on Monday. This story will be in the news for three more days.

Manic stock-picking rodeo clown Jim Cramer is a study in lost popularity. When the stock market was roaring, he was funny and loveable; when the economy collapsed, he became a villain, a cartoonish symbol of America's idiocy and excess.