· Fergie has joined the ever-growing cast of the Weinstein Co.'s Nine. In her first role in a major motion picture, she'll play "Saraghina, a lusty woman who introduces [Daniel Day-Lewis's character] to the world of sexuality" by lowering her drawbridge, extending a long straw, and sucking down the frothy contents of his simmering desire. In some ways you could almost say that she'll drink his manshake—she'll drink it up! (Forgive us.) [Variety]
· Mad Men endured another critic-derived facial, being named TCA's program of the year, best new program, and best drama. [Variety]
· British actor James Purefoy close to signing on as the lead in The Philanthropist, an NBC series about "a renegade billionaire who uses his wealth to help people in need no matter the risks or costs" that's loosely based on Donald Trump's life. [THR]
· Selma Blair's new sitcom Kath & Kim will take 30 Rock's 8:30 p.m. Thursday slot, with 30 Rock pitching camp in the far MILF-friendlier environment of 9:30. [THR]
· High School Musical: Get in the Picture underperformed for ABC, curtailing that network's plans for spinoffs High School Musical: My First Internet Photoscandal and Being Miley: The Search for America's Next Virgin Slut. [Variety]

Blake Lively's people are throwing a hissy fit over the Gossip Girl star's cover shot on this month's Seventeen. And before assuming this is just another case of some publicist overreacting and getting their La Perlas in a twist over nothing, one quick look at the cover in question actually makes us side with the flack this time. Lively's gone out of her way recently to make sure no one confuses her with Paris Hilton, but her puffy eyes, hollow cheekbones and vampire chompers on the Seventeen cover aren't helping her case. Which begs the question: why is it so hard for a magazine to shoot a decent celebrity cover? Gwyneth Paltrow, Angelina Jolie and Sarah Jessica Parker are all recent victims of the same unflattering cover treatments, and all kinds of oddly unglamorous shots have hit newsstands for years.

Nicole Kidman’s rehabbed, country-crooning husband Keith Urban has infinite knowledge on many things: how to prepare cocaine for free-basing, which hair salons in Australia promise the best blond guylights and where one can pick up a sweet pair of skintight leather pants. But one area of expertise Urban hasn’t quite nailed down yet is this whole baby business. At the CMA Awards on Friday night, reporters bombarded the surprise performer with the inevitable string of wombwatch-related questions, one of which involved the topic of gifts the odd couple have received for the upcoming celeb spawn:

PrivacyWatch celebrity sightings are submitted by our readers, and are posted several times a week, so send them in often—the fate of the universe relies upon it! Submit yours to tips[AT]defamer.com (please put "sighting" or "PrivacyWatch" in the subject line so we don't lose them) and tell everyone about the time you spotted Tara Reid having her credit card denied at Blockbuster.

Current Las Vegas casino employee Josh Duhamel and future Las Vegas casino performer Fergie are engaged. Do these two have some catchy nickname? How about "Hunk and Humps?" [TMZ]

Julia Attempts to Lip Dub Fergie's Glamorous While Driving [Julia Allison and Vimeo]

"It was the hardest boyfriend I ever had to break up with," Stacey "Fergie" Ferguson told Time magazine in an interview for the issue that hits newsstands Monday.

· Laguna Beach's teenage-girl-drool-inducer Talan has his eyes set on Hollywood, telling Teen Vogue "I could do a movie if I want to!" Yeah, right, Talan. Like someone's going to put you in some low-budget non-union teen slasher flick, then use Craigslist as their casting director. Shyeah. Whatever, dude.
· LA.comfidential notices a disturbing similarity going on with Fergie and Donald. Let's hope it ends there, and the Don's spawn is the only one who'll need a diaper change anytime soon at Trump manor.
· Lindsay Lohan tells OK! magazine of her recent near-death ordeal, when she was literally being fed through IV drips. And that was at the Geisha House! "I was going through a lot of stuff and overworking and not thinking of my body. I was going through that phase that everyone goes through." This is everyone.
· BLDGBLOG gives us a glimpse into the beyond weird crop-circley big brother world of LA traffic control.
· There's some seriously fishy-assed business going down by the DKNY art department. Either that or we have a Photoshopping Michelangelo in our midst.

This post contains no ironic commentary on our insatiable obsession with celebrity. Sometimes, we just need to post a picture of Fergie from the Black Eyed Peas wetting herself onstage in San Diego.

Oh, we get it. You think you're sooo much better than Fergie, the singer for the Black Eyed Peas. Like you've never gotten so drunk you pissed yourself? Well, that's not what your sheets said.