You're a spaz with the ribbons and paper. And of course, as an engineer it's all about optimizing for my time, etc. Don't show up with sloppy giftwrap this year. Take your gifts to the nearest poshtastic shopping center and let someone who knows what they're doing handle it. I called ahead for you, and Gridskipper helpfully mapped out the coordinates.
Heard of OC-80? It's the Valley's next big drug, the strongest dose available of OxyContin — the same pain pills that got Rush Limbaugh hooked. A Valleywag informant who's a recovering OC-80 user himself says addicts are easy to spot: They're the ones who keep rushing to the front desk, asking if the FedEx deliveries have arrived yet. That's because the pills which get here are most frequently overnighted from L.A., where doctors are more willing to skirt the law and write prescriptions. It's expensive, and therefore deemed classy: People pay $70 a pill retail, $40 in bulk. Not that you're going to look especially swank while you scrape off the green coating, crush it, and snort it. Here's our tipster's tale of the real OC.
As his three-year legal battle with Apple reaches a settled end, Nick Ciarelli, the writer behind Think Secret, states that shutting down the Mac rumor site while not revealing his sources is a "positive solution for both sides." Most people aren't buying it, blaming Apple for shutting down Think Secret. Which is exactly why it is a positive result for Ciarelli.
By now, you've likely heard how Peter Thiel parlayed a $500,000 investment in Facebook to a stake now worth $750 million. There's been a crush of coverage on his $220 million Founders Fund, which may well change the way entrepreneurs get paid in the Valley. We know about his mansion (he rents it — clever!), his butler, his early-morning jogs. But what no one ever says out loud: Thiel is gay.
Self-proclaimed "queen of all media" Perez Hilton no longer reigns on YouTube. Girlfriend managed to get not one but two accounts banned from the Google-owned video site after he "posted a very critical video about their practices." Naturally, Hilton reacted with calm and reason unconstrained diva fury. Here's Hilton's rant:
Eager to blow the whistle on a bad-guy corporation or official? Or do you just have a beef with someone big and powerful, someone like Oprah, someone you'd rather go up against anonymously? Topix CEO Chris Tolles, whose online indie writers have taken on a nasty and litigious sheriff, among others, pulled together a checklist to help you cover your anonymous ass. Don't get SLAPPed with a lawsuit.
Why did FuckedCompany creator Philip "Pud" Kaplan record a profane song, "Fuck," in August under the name "Farty McPoopants"? The pseudonym is easy enough to explain: His current venture is AdBrite, an online-advertising network. And selling ads is a business that's all about keeping up appearances. Given his past, you'd think Kaplan wouldn't be so sensitive. But even Kaplan knew he couldn't blow his cool. His company, an online-advertising network, was in the midst of a tense negotiation with porn-ads partner AVN, and trying to raise a new round of financing.
Thank you for seeing me, doctor. Right here on the couch, turned away from you? I read that doctors do that to eliminate the burden of eye contact. Ha, or in case they don't like your face, good one. Actually I don't like my face much either. That's what I'm here about.
The wonderful thing about Digg? Critical thinking is not required. You can vote for stories based on your personal belief system, not whether they're, say, true. Take, for example, a brief New York Times story about UPS's cost-saving route software. Digg users translated this into a tall tale about UPS saving 3 million gallons of gas by elminating left-hand turns. Computers save the environment! It's a tale that comforts geeks who believe software will fix everything.
Here are the dangers of imitation: Google has rolled out a new search results page. When I search for vitamin water, I get video and products results in the right-hand sidebar. This is a variation on AOL's old FullView search results — a design AOL labored over and then discarded in favor of blindly copying Google. The design is moderately helpful for me, as I was trying to find an online distributor for Vitaminwater. Not all of my colleagues see the new results, so Google may be slowly rolling this out from datacenter to datacenter. As for AOL? Having abandoned the idea of innovation in search, it now finds itself needing to copy Google just to get back to where it started. Full screenshot is below the jump.
The definitions of "facebook" submitted to Merriam-Webster are limited to logging in, viewing a profile, searching for a profile, and friending someone. But "facebook," as a word, is nearly as polymorphous as "smurf". We can think of several additional activities which the word describes far more accurately.
"Here Comes Another Bubble," the charmingly derivative video by the Richter Scales which satirizes Web 2.0 in the style (and to the tune) of Bill Joel's "We Didn't Start the Fire," is gone from YouTube. The reason? A copyright claim by an unspecified third party. One possibility: Sony BMG, the record company which owns Columbia, Joel's label; lawyers there might take issue with the use of Joel's composition. YouTube and Sony BMG struck a deal last year, though, so that seems unlikely. Another possibility: Lane Hartwell, the photographer whose photo of yours truly was used, uncredited, by the Richter Scales. Hartwell posted about the incident on Flickr. I sort of wonder if this was all my fault — and not just because I was in the video.
Biodiesel. Hemp. Local sustainable farms. Hippie tech is infuriating. You know in your engineer's heart it won't work, but because it's outside your field of study you lack the handy stats to rebut the moonbat ideas evangelized by modern-day hippies and their shiny shiny cousins, the ravers. Before Burning Man starts up again in earnest, I've prepared canned comebacks and bookmarkable URLs from hippie-approved sources like Wikipedia and GreenBiz.
From a helpful tipster, the first-ever photo from the wedding ceremony of Larry Page and Lucy Southworth. The groom wore a white buttondown shirt, untucked; the bride, a cream strapless number, with her hair loose. Pics or it didn't happen, eh? After the jump, visual confirmation that Sir Richard Branson was the Google cofounder's best man.
Venture capital's ancien régime is on the verge of being overturned. We hear Mark Zuckerberg, the founder of Facebook, may have cashed out — before an IPO, before a sale, and before his investors. In the company's recent financing round, insiders believe, he sold about $40 million worth of stock. A tiny portion of his $5 billion stake, but in cash rather than on paper, and "enough that he never has to think about money for the rest of his life," says a person made privy to details of the sale. On the Sand Hill Road of old, this is simply not how things are done.
Andrew Meyer, a student at the University of Florida who was tasered after trying to ask John Kerry questions at a forum, got his 15 minutes of fame when millions saw video of him saying, "Don't tase me, bro!" on YouTube. If you thought it was the funniest thing you've ever seen, and you're a Verizon Wireless customer, you're in luck! You can purchase "Don't Tase Me Bro!" as your ringback tone. (A ringback tone is a short song or audio clip that plays when someone calls you. So, instead of hearing a boring "ring ring," your debt collectors and babydaddies will hear "DON'T TASE ME, BRO! ARGHH!" repeatedly. Who doesn't want that?) OK, seriously, this must be a sign of the coming apocalypse. For those who missed it, the full video of the arrest and tasing is after the jump.
We've heard rumors that there will be three presidents attending the Caribbean wedding of Google cofounder Larry Page and his bride-to-be, Lucy Southworth. The Times Online is reporting that Bill and Hillary Clinton are expected to attend, which leaves two presidents unaccounted for. The likeliest candidates: Dubya and his dad. Here's why.
