Are there any more promising words in gossip journalism than "In Touch Weekly got a hold of"? At the bottom of the tabloid pecking order, the primary documents In Touch "gets a hold of" tend to be spectacularly bad. But baby, In Touch will work what it's got, and for that I salute it. Their latest exclusive (as summarized by a Hollyscoop video) is about world's youngest sulking starlet Suri Cruise:
When Kim Jong-Il died Saturday he was on a train finishing up one of his frequent "field guidance tours," which are famous on the internet for the surreal photos they produced of Kim looking at everyday objects. Here are photos taken during the last stop on Kim's last tour, about two days before his death.
We've been trying something different, as Congress has been pretending to nearly shut down the government or arbitrarily destroy the global economic system for the fourth time this year: Not biting! They'll always reach an agreement, after acting out a months-long scripted fight that we've seen before. But now we're at the stage when children lawmakers begin channeling action movies for inspiration, so we'll take that as our cue.
Right now everyone is scurrying around and throwing elbows trying to get their last minute Christmas shopping done at an overcrowded mall. But what happens when you get all your gifts home? You have to make sure the packages look just as good as what's inside. Here are some simple tricks to wrap the perfect present.
Here it is, the big moment you've been waiting for, the trailer for the last of Christopher Nolan's Batman movies. Apparently it's about a bunch of villains fomenting revolution to put awful rich people in their place. Uh, a bunch of Hollywood fat cats are going to make $17 bajillion off of Occupy Wall Street? Great!
Hark! Ye harbingers of consumer doom, the Kardashians, have released their 2011 Christmas card. Whereas last year's yuletide feat of airbrushed uncanny put viewers in a trance state, this year's card will make you go, "A-woooo-gah!" while pumping 3-D glasses back and forth in the airspace in front of your face. (Like so.) This year's KardashiKard comes three dimensions, you see. [Image via Kourtney Kardashian]
Neti pots! Sun benefits! Gay marriage! Nuclear death! Celery danger! Heart eyes! Obesity moms! Supplement peril! And holiday hangover cures, right on time! It's your Monday Health Watch, where we watch your health—every last inch of it!
There is nothing worse than those letters you get in Christmas cards recapping what someone's family has been doing for the past year. Maybe everyone should start making videos of their year, like this beautiful, sweet, wonderful, and every other positive adjective gay couple.
Alright, it was cute when Republican base trolled us with the Trump, Bachmann, Perry, and Cain surges and collapses (surglapses, we'll call them, or perhaps anti-boners), but throwing Newt Gingrich onto the heap of other Potemkin candidates after he was leading by 20 points everywhere like a week ago, this late in the process, is cruel.
Kim Jong-Il's successor is his youngest son, Kim Jong-un. It's time to meet the most powerful twenty-something in the world: an enigmatic basketball fanatic and four-star general with a bad case of fat cheeks and an itchy trigger finger.
Peter Braunstein was a former writer for The Village Voice, WWD and other New York publications who became a tabloid sensation in 2005 after he went crazy, raped a woman [Correction: Braunstein was convicted of kidnapping, sexual abuse, robbery and burglary. He was never charged with rape], and went on the run. Aaron Gell (now an editor at the New York Observer), a former colleague of Braunstein's, has revisited the man and tried to make sense of his crimes in his new Kindle Single, Speak of the Devil: How Peter Braunstein went from Fashion Casualty to Tabloid Monster.
In an effort to answer the question, "what could possibly make the act of traveling by plane worse without violating the Geneva Conventions," KLM is rolling out a new feature next year that will allow you to choose your seatmate. Through Facebook!
Everyone is a twittering that Marc Jacobs has landed himself another gay porn paramour. This time it's Harry Louis, a Brazillian model famous for doing shoots dressed in suits and his other, um, gifts south of the equator. Marc Jacobs is so fucking lucky.
