If then-President of Facebook Sean Parker had come to you in 2005, asked you to paint his new offices with a bunch of cocks, and then offered to pay you in either a few thousand dollars in cold hard cash or just the equivalent in company stock, you would probably have gone for the cash, right? Particularly if the company seemed on the whole sort of "pointless" to you, as it did to so many of us around then even though we were already becoming addicted to it? Fortunately for the painter, wild child graffiti artist David Choe, he picked the stock, which the New York Times points out is now about to be worth $200 million:

On tonight's Daily Show, Jon Stewart checked in with Mitt Romney and Newt Gingrich after the Florida primary wherein Mitt Romney won big. Figuring that he's got his party's nomination sewn up, Romney broke out his general election platform, which featured a shot at teachers. Undeterred by the results of the Florida primary, Gingrich started talking about what he will do on the first day of his presidency. It all made for some great grist for Jon Stewart's mill.

Wislawa Szymborska, the 1996 winner of the Nobel Prize in Literature, died Wednesday at her home in Krakow, Poland, from lung cancer. She published fewer than 400 poems in her lifetime and was known as a recluse despite being Poland's most famous poet. Her verse was loved for its simplicity and sense of humor and often used everyday objects such as a cat or an onion "to reflect on grand topics such as love, death and passing time."

Tonight David Letterman celebrates 30 years on the air. It's been quite a ride for old Dave, through different timeslots and networks, from the peak of zeitgeist to something else entirely. He's hosted starlets and politicians, often treating them with a dash of anger and more than a bit of sarcasm. Here are some of the most memorable moments from his time on television.

Faced with huge protests in Moscow last December and growing unrest over government corruption and inefficiency, the Kremlin last week launched a new website called "Russia Without Fools" to create a sort of online support group for angry citizens. Russians are being asked to log on and share their gripes about inept officials with a promise from the government that complaints will be reviewed and addressed. No one seems particularly convinced that the site — Russian President Dmitry Medvedev called it a "stupidity contest" — will lead to any problems actually being resolved, but it was immediately popular enough even on its first day that the traffic nearly crashed the servers.

Uh-oh, guys: Donald Trump just tweeted that he will be making a "major announcement" tomorrow. Is he maniacally ridiculous enough to run as an independent candidate for President? Is he ending his awful reality show? (Is his show even still on? We stopped watching after they got rid of Omorosa.) Is he perhaps going to half-endorse a candidate just to copy Sarah Palin? Did he write a book of Ronald Reagan fan fiction? Oh well, no one cares. Every photon of limelight shed on this peripatetic gasbag contributes directly to the girth of his already morbidly obese ego. Seriously. Therefore, here is a list of five things cool or inconsequential things on the Internets for you to read about or watch tomorrow during his idiotic "announcement" whatever it is, because they are all more interesting than Donald Trump:

David Brooks is concerned about white people: they're unemployed, they're not married, they're fat. But which presidential candidate can save them? Perhaps the official American Enterprise Institute "are you authentically white" quiz can help us find out.

Facebook just released its first-ever official financial numbers as part of its filing to go public, and they're very impressive. One billion dollars in annual profit impressive. Also: Much of humankind is hopelessly addicted to Facebook.

Want to feel old? Listen to some Skrillex. Want to feel really old? You should have been at the first of Skrillex's four New York City shows, late last night at Webster Hall in Manhattan.

A comedy blogger has unearthed Louis CK's rundown of making TV pilots, posted to Usenet (!) in 2006. Between this fantastic, lengthy document and Lorne Michaels' new interview with Alec Baldwin lie some excellent tips for hacking the Hollywood system, which we've distilled and posted below.

Does Wendy's use aborted human fetuses in its food? When we conducted our groundbreaking investigation into the issue last week, we were forced to put the fast food company in the "possibly contains fetuses" category when our queries didn't receive a response. But now our our noble and relentless quest for the truth has paid off.

Saturday Night Live and Suburgatory star Ana Gasteyer signed up for Twitter in August. She loves it — "it's a fantastic way to connect with your specific weird following," she told me — but there's a problem: Twitter won't verify her account. No matter what she does. (Update below.)

The last time overeducated lit mag n+1 wrote a big think piece about a blog, they chased all the smart people away from this here website forever. Now, n+1 is back with yet another in their peerless "How to Overthink Things on the Internet That, In Actuality, Have Little if Any Overarching Theme or Philosophy." This one's for the ladiesssssssss!

Molly Fischer has thoughts about several popular internet "ladyblogs." Like what?

Over-iced Funfetti cupcake Zooey Deschanel will provide vocals for some tracks on the upcoming album from M. Ward.

Another day, another amateur video of a bunch of NYPD officers brutally beating some guy in the Bronx as he lays helpless on the ground, and then pepper spraying (or threatening to) the bystander who was filming said beating. The officers in the video have been stripped of their badges and are being investigated by the DA.

Kremlin-backed talk show host Julian Assange is back in court in England today, in what will be the final, hopefully failed, attempt to appeal his extradition to Sweden to face rape and molestation allegations. Assange's legal troubles—and the fact that Wikileaks' submission system still isn't fixed after more than a year—haven't kept him from guest-starring in an upcoming episode of The Simpsons. This really validates our decision to stop watching the The Simpsons after Maude Flanders died.

On tonight's Colbert Report, Stephen took a look at some of the notable people who have come out in support of Newt Gingrich: Herman Cain, Duke Cunningham and, of course, Sarah Palin. What a well rounded bunch, those three. Taking their example, Stephen pledges his support of Newt as well. Unless Romney wins in Florida, which would change everything. Or nothing.

Well isn't Mitt Romney just a lucky boy tonight: his campaign told ABC News that he will begin receiving Secret Service protection this week "because of the increase in crowd sizes" at his campaign events. Presumably this calculus was made before Mitt Romney decided he would start erupting into song during his stump speech? Anyhow, Twitter is absolutely piddling itself with excitement trying to come up with code names that the Secret Service might consider using for Mitt Romney. Here are a few of 'em in no particular order:

On tonight's Daily Show, Jon Stewart examined part Mitt Romney's pitch to Republican voters, that his time as CEO of Bain Capitol makes him uniquely qualified to create jobs in the private sector as President. But, as Stewart showed tonight, that claim is mostly bunk as Bain engaged in some pretty sketchy business practices that Romney doesn't think the United States should engage in anyway. Of course, none of that mattered much to the voters in Florida.

Facebook will file to go public tomorrow, in case you missed the rolling thunder bombardment of news articles this week, or in the months preceding. There won't be the faintest reason for the average person to care about this IPO until shares actually start selling months from now, but in the meantime you should steel yourself for endless breathless hype pandemonium. Oh, it's going to be awful.