A diplomatic cable released today by Wikileaks reveals that Canadian television has some major beef with America. We obviously have to bomb Canada now. But first, read this guide to Canada's favorite America-bashing entertainment.

A lot of bad stuff goes on inside Wal-Marts, but the company will not abide a man pleasuring himself in the toy aisle and wiping his hand on a toy lightsaber. William Tyler Black received a lifetime ban for this.

Last weekend we marveled at the story of the trollish business owner who claimed that being awful to his customers helped his Google results by getting them to bash him in customer reviews. Google says you can't do this anymore.

For those on the East Coast, today was dark, damp, and windy as a storm front worked its way toward the Atlantic. Don't worry, it's supposed to be sunny and clear in NYC tomorrow. Leave your umbrellas at home!

Longtime West Villagers Matthew Broderick and Sarah Jessica Parker have reportedly purchased a $21 million townhouse on the Upper West Side. It has eight bedrooms, 10 bathrooms, and two walk-in closets so big you could practically live in them!

Kentucky's Democratic Gov. Steve Beshear breathlessly announced today that he has secured a deal with Ark Encounter LLC to build an awesome creationism-themed amusement park in his state. What, along with a "full-scale Noah's Ark," will it contain?

The top shelf venture capital firm Kleiner Perkins is preparing to value Twitter at $4 billion, TechCrunch hears from its sources. So the microblogging startup supposedly increased its value sixteen-fold in less than two years. Whatever.

Meet Trevor Neilson. His job is helping famous people "build [their] brands" by finding charitable projects for them. He's the philanthropic powerbroker behind Angelina, Ashton, Demi, Shakira, and Bono. If he ever uses his powers for evil, we're screwed.

Well, some good news. Michael Douglas is returning to work — on a Liberace biopic no less — after undergoing treatment for throat cancer. So that's good! Unfortunately some fellow celebrities aren't faring so well.

Have you seen any instances of the word "Christmas" being replaced by the considerably more ethnic "Holiday"? Sen. Jim Inhofe sure has. And now that his hometown "Christmas" parade is a "Holiday" parade, he'll keep his horse stabled.

The Post's totally superfluous Page Six Magazine comes out tomorrow with a cover story about Madonna's former boytoy Jesus Luz. The problem is no one wants to hear him talk. And when he does, he sounds like a fool.

Eager for work in the financial industry, an MBA student fired off a PowerPoint presentation entitled "9 Reasons Why You SHOULD Hire Me As Your Investment Banking Analyst." And, because, "Passion Is Business," she reportedly landed several interviews.

It is time to check in on American Apparel, our most favorite near-bankrupt beauty-positive spandex-based fashion retailer. Employees are stealing! Employees are emailing us funny stories! And AA is trying to class up its porn!

Star accuses Britney Spears' boyfriend of giving her a black eye, and Radar has audio of a voice they say is Britney's talking about it. Both outlets' source? Jason Alexander, the guy Britney accidentally married in Las Vegas in 2004.

Good news, educators: the book-banners are more organized than ever! Instead of lone nuts calling for books to be banned, now it's national groups of nuts, like the Parents Against Bad Books in Schools. And what makes a book "bad?"

Why did Paris Hilton suddenly become so famous a few years ago while other ditzy fameseekers with no discernible talent—like, say, Tara Reid—fell off the map so quickly? Elizabeth Currid-Halkett breaks it down in her new book.

Unaccountable mercenary firm Blackwater had a big plan to get into the Somali pirate-fighting business a couple of years ago, according to a newly released Wikileaks document. The problem: Blackwater actually sounded worse than the Somali pirates.

Tom sneaks mascara and facials behind Katie's back. Jim Carrey likes kissing Ewan McGregor. Brad Pitt's nose hair secret revealed! Gwyneth Paltrow has a filthy sense of humor. Wednesday gossip ranges from superficial to superficially sordid.

This is fun: Greenpeace is suing Dow Chemical and two of its PR firms, claiming that they hired private investigators "who stole documents, tapped phones and hacked into computer networks between 1998 and 2000." They have lots of documents!

A Mexican restaurant cashier foiled an attempted cash register robbery last week by throwing a box of empanadas at the thief! (No, not because he stopped to eat them.) He dropped the register, and ran away, "covering his head."