Today, in delightful branding-related serendipity: Ron DiMenna, the 73-year-old founder of Ron Jon Surf Shops, was arrested for driving under the influence... of Four Loko. If only all apparel-store founders acted in exactly the way we expect their customers to!

Discovered on the Metro North New York-Connecticut commuter line: The Christmas wish list of one brand-conscious lass, along with her presumed boyfriend's handwritten notes of confusion and horror. Updated with a new theory.

Former CNN stud Thomas Roberts officially has a job at MSNBC. Congrats! To celebrate, watch this completely gratuitous and rather shirtless report he did about measuring body fat percentage. Yes, he's that gay, and we love him for it.

Virginia state Del. Bob Marshall is furious over the repeal of "Don't Ask Don't Tell," and wants to block openly gay people from serving in the Virginia National Guard. He also wants to be a U.S. Senator and needs headlines.

Merriam-Webster.com announced today that austerity was their most looked-up word in 2010, ahead of pragmatic, moratorium, and, gasp!, socialism. Fitting that people are looking for austerity in these penny-pinched times. "With great austerity, Sarah Palin boundered across the Alaskan tundra..."

Mississippi Gov. Haley "Boss Hogg" Barbour is a funny guy, and he should run for president. The former Washington mega-lobbyist gives great interviews. What was it like, for example, when he saw Martin Luther King Jr. as a teenager?

The bible-thumpers of Repent Amarillo—the Texas group last seen failing to burn a Koran—have a new publicity stunt: shooting Santa's head off at a firing range. Don't you hate it when your enemies do something cool?

A Gawker spy spotted world's most perfect person Gwyneth Paltrow dining at Torrisi in Manhattan's Nolita neighborhood today. Look at all that food! [Seen someone special? Email us or post it to #stalker yourself.]

"We are told the fight was caused by difference of views of the Scriptures." These Christian soldiers seem to be following all the rules. [KOB via Christian Nightmares]

On Saturday morning, 27 year-old Citigroup associate Jessica Fashano—by all accounts a bright, caring, and popular woman—walked into the Trump Place tower on Manhattan's Riverside Boulevard, rode to the roof, and jumped off. Why?

Conservative production company Citizens United has released this post-"Don't Ask Don't Tell" ad, warning effete liberals (and Lady Gaga) that they'll all get drafted after the current Marines quit in protest. Exactly! This was Joe Lieberman's plan all along.

"Did a lot of girls contact you and your brother after the movie?" Newsweek asked Social Network villain Tyler Winklevoss. His response was a series of flustered giggles and awkward stammering.

A book about Prince William claims he once yelled this at Kate: "Do you know who I am! No one tells me what to do. I do what I want." As the future King of England, he has a point.

Phillip Greaves, who infamously sold The Pedophile's Guide To Love and Pleasure through Amazon's e-book store, has been arrested on obscenity charges. He probably shouldn't have sent an autographed copy of his creepy "child lover's" guide to a Florida sheriff.

Christmas is only five days away, and it's likely that some of us (ahem) haven't done any shopping at all. Need some ideas? Here are some gift suggestions for the various weirdos you might still have to shop for.

Is your vagina feeling sluggish? Maybe it needs a day at the gyno spa. A new trend in vaginal hygiene has arrived in America. It involves the words "pungent steam," "mugwort tea," and "open-seated stool." Meet the vaginal steam bath.

Over the past decade, the percentage of college students visiting school counseling centers who are "coping with serious mental illness" has more than doubled. What's happening here? Better legal psychiatric drugs? Worse illegal hallucinogenic drugs? Psht. We blame Wal-Mart.

Now that Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg has overthrown the internet and been named Time's "Person of the Year" is there anything left for him to do? Yes: Conquer China, beginning with this weekend's visit to Beijing.

Uh-oh! Dilemma in Iraq: What should be done about the artifacts left behind by Saddam Hussein's regime? Such as, oh, I don't know, say, the 605-page Qur'an written in Saddam Hussein's blood?

A new Daily Mail story alleges that Julian Assange seduced the girlfriend of an anonymous American journalist the same week as the sexual encounters he is now facing rape charges over. Which makes us wonder: Which American journalist?