Salman Taseer, the governor of Pakistan's most populous province, was assassinated by a member of his security detail today, reportedly because Taseer opposed killing blasphemers against Islam. The brazen murder of another non-Islamist politician edged Pakistan closer to chaos.

Here's a redband (read: swears!) trailer for No Strings Attached, the fuckbuddies "romantic" comedy starring actress-of-the-moment Natalie Portman and actor-of-the-never Ashton Kutcher. And it looks terrible.

Days after thousands of blackbirds died in Arkansas, 500 blackbirds and starlings fell out of the sky along a Louisiana highway about 300 miles south. There's still no explanation why this is happening—other than the Apocalypse is here.

House Republicans have set January 12 as the date for their first major legislative feat: repealing the new health care law. It will pass! And then Harry Reid won't bring it up for a Senate vote, the end.

Russian video-talk site Chatroulette has launched a new feature called "Skinsroulette." Contrary to what you might expect on the noted penis exhibition hub, Skinsroulette does not involve actual skin. Sadly, it also doesn't involve improvements to the Chatroulette core.

Think the War on Christmas doesn't exist? How do you explain this? Health officials are warning people who went to mass on December 25 at a Long Island Church that they were exposed to hepatitis A during communion. Very sneaky!

It is, sadly, the final day of orientation for freshmen congressional Republicans. Boo! Hopefully they all got laid at least once. But if not, tonight's the night, because the freshmen are throwing the most lavish kegger of all, for themselves.

Hugh Hefner is upset about a rumor that the Playboy mansion smells like urine. He admits his life "reads like bad fiction," but he's not a sex slave rapist in a palace of poop. Just a horny old control freak.

Magazine time capsule Vanity Fair took a break from dead old ladies and put modern teen sensation Justin Bieber on the cover. Of course they depict him as a '50s heartthrob listening to records on ye olde phonograph machine. Ugh.

The selfish Obamas have completely dodged the press during their Hawaiian vacation, not even posing for one naked beach photo. But photographers finally intercepted them at the zoo today! Were they hiding in an animal's lair? You be the judge.

Clearly a dark agent of Julie Taymor and company, Chris Tierney — the performer who plummeted thirty feet during a performance of Spider-Man: Turn Off the Dark, sparking an outcry against the show — says it's allll good. Game on!

They did the nasty in the middle of a New Year's party. This actor has a foot fetish, and this couple is a PR fix-up because he's gay and she's doing her bodyguard. Guess they don't like anything in public.

Nicki busts a move and her dress. John Travolta goes on a boys-only ski vacation. Michael Phelps and Pauly D share a girlfriend. Gwyneth discusses feeling "like a zombie." Tuesday gossip wishes it were a nip slip.

An Auburn University professor, along with NewSouth Books, plans to release a new edition of Mark Twain's Huckleberry Finn with every instance of the word "nigger" replaced with "slave," hoping that will make the book more accessible.

Early in the morning on New Year's Day, a Philippine politician took a snapshot of his family outside their home. Seconds later, he was shot and killed by a gunman, who was also captured in the picture aiming a pistol.

Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia is a constitutional originalist who interprets the constitution based on what he believes its authors meant—you know, without pesky things like "protection against discrimination on the basis of gender or sexual orientation."

Former vice presidential candidate and reality television star Sarah Palin has remained quiet over the recent repeal of Don't Ask Don't Tell. But she may have just made a statement... by re-Tweeting a conservative lesbian's columnist's Tweet about 'homos.'

Jake Denham, a 14-year-old kid from Portland, Ore., got separated from his mother while skiing in below-freezing temperatures on Mt. Bachelor. Luckily, Jake watches survival reality show Man Vs. Wild—and used his reality TV-derived knowledge to survive.

Shortly after news broke that Lindsay Lohan left rehab, Dina Lohan issued a statement: "'It's a great day,' Lohan's mother, Dina, told E! Online, confirming her daughter was released." But Lindsay issued her own statement: "I didn't leave." WTF?

Rupert Murdoch's iPad newspaper, The Daily, finally has a classy internet domain, TheDaily.com, from which to promote itself later this month. But the site's "coming soon" greeting is not so nice.