Heidi, the photogenic, cross-eyed opossum, is in talks to perform via video broadcast at the Oscars, according to her handlers at Germany's Leipzig Zoo. James Franco is frantically searching his contract for its "no marsupial doppelgängers" clause.

Leave it to the Church of Scientology to make a commercial printing center seem creepy and menacing: This video celebrating the launch of its new 185,000 square foot "dissemination" facility in L.A. will give you paper-cut nightmares.

How would raging Tea Party Republican primary voters react to a presidential candidate who works for Barack Obama, the worst human in history? "Coldly," one might think. But Obama's ambassador to China, Republican Jon Huntsman, is going to try anyway.

Last night Cynthia Bailey got married on the season finale of The Real Housewives of Atlanta. To celebrate her nuptials—and the season itself—we got them the only gift we could afford: a poem.

In terms of acting legends going toe-to-toe, this was a battle to end all battles. In the end, Anthony Hopkins squeaked out a victory. Meanwhile, The King's Speech is enjoying more of a clear victory, heading toward mega-hit status.

Since he didn't take care of his mistress she's taking it public. This actress has herpes, this actor needs Viagra, and this actress loaded up on swag at Sundance. That's how you live large without selling a sex tape.

Britney Spears overshadows the bride at a wedding. Claire Danes flies coach, and won't stop bragging about it. Charlie Sheen's rehab will take three months. David Arquette is done with rehab. Monday gossip is momentous.

No one has so far been able to prove that Kim Jong-il's son, Kim Jong-un, is being groomed to take over North Korea... until now. Analysts and defectors have concluded that Little Kim's new fur hat proves he's taking power.

Oral sex is totally awesome, which means it must be bad for you in some way. And now we know how! Apparently, a rise in certain kinds of cancer may be thanks to all the oral sex everyone has nowadays.

Police in Tampa, Fla. have arrested 50-year-old mother Julie Schenecker for the murder of her two children. "She [told] us that they talked back and they were mouthy," said a police spokeswoman.

Someone is annoyed with Dylan Zéroosiix's little brother. A menu on Facebook's French language version has been hacked to poke fun at le petit frère de Dylan Zéroosiix. This was made possible by Facebook's reliance on free, crowd-sourced translation.

What would you do for $15 an hour? This "syndicated columnist" is looking for hired help with everything from "improving my image" to "dance instruction," to yardwork. Only omni-talented super geniuses need apply.

Sundance, that Hollywood-themed ski trip rich people take in Park City, Utah every year, is done. Here are some of films that won stuff, including a documentary about assisted-suicide, and a sci-fi flick.

Southern fast food chain Chick-fil-A has caused an uproar with its support of anti-gay groups like Focus on the Family. People are boycotting it and circulating petitions! But why is no one mentioning that Chick-fil-A isn't that great?

Everyone from the Muslim Brotherhood, to labor unions, to Wikileaks are being credited for contributing to Egypt's uprising. But what about hardcore soccer fans? These guys are better at tangling with cops than just about anyone.

Hey, a guy who is in charge of running our country doesn't understand basic scientific facts: "I don't believe that a creature crawled out of the sea and became a human," said Georgia Rep. Jack Kingston Friday. Oh boy.

Accuweather.com is already sounding the alarm about next week's "Groundhog Day Storm" that could affect "more than 100 million people… from the Rockies to the Plains, South, Midwest and Northeast." Sounds scary! But not nearly as scary as their maps.

Taco Bell is facing a class action suit over claims that the company's taco meat is only 36% actual beef, along with "extenders" and other crap. The company has now taken out a "snarky" ad to defend its Secret Recipe.

Bhutan has some of the toughest anti-smoking laws in the world, and police can now enter homes if they even smell tobacco. And last week, police arrested the first person under the new law: A Buddhist monk.

Porn stars love Twitter: They chat with fans, tweet Amazon wish lists so their fans can buy them presents, tweet NSFW pictures of partying with Charlie Sheen. But porn stars do not like Facebook, because Facebook doesn't like them.