Saudi Arabia has sent roughly 1,000 troops into neighboring Bahrain to buttress the shaky royal regime there in the face of relentless street protests, according to Al-Jazeera. And the United Arab Emirates has "dispatched a security force" to preserve order.

Week two of the newest rash of Orange County wildfires introduced us to a new horrid character, taught us a little about how assistant-friends work, and, actually, carried us to Seattle for the drunken business trip of our mom-related nightmares.

The above video of Israeli glamour girl Orit Fox posing sexily with a snake, only to get nailed in the boob by its fangs, made the rounds last week. What we did not know until now: The situation resulted in a reverse Cleopatra! Instead of an asp killing a woman by means of breast, a woman killed an asp by means of the poisonous venom inside her breast.

A 29-year-old man was caught in Madonna's London house early this morning holding some of her possessions. It may sound like it was Madge's latest ex-boyfriend returning to pick up his toothbrush, but it was actually a stalker who busted in through a side window. She might want to beef up security to keep those rabid gays out of the house, don't you think?

Wisconsin State Sen. Randy Hopper, a close Republican ally of Gov. Scott Walker, is among the eight senators that activists will try to recall for supporting the infamous "budget repair bill" to weaken public sector unions. So this weekend, some protesters marched to his house — yikes! — to have a chat. But his wife answered the door and told the protesters that Hopper lives with his 25-year-old girlfriend now, and a divorce is underway.

Sheila Addison was a psychology professor at John F. Kennedy University in California. At the same time, she was performing in a San Francisco burlesque show, the Hubba Hubba Revue, under the name "Professor Shimmy" (sample performance above.) The school decided that was too scandalous, and fired her. Now she's suing.

Lindsay Lohan hyperventilates and calls the paparazzi "animals." Someone is selling a sex tape of Usher. Charlie Sheen misses his son's birthday party. Britney Spears reunites with K-Fed at her son's baseball game. Monday gossip sucks and blows.

If we're judging sexiness by box office receipts (which we are, right?), then werewolves are certainly not the hotties that vampires are. Aliens are doing OK, though! As long as they're evil and we're shooting them, anyway.

These two lady celebs have a lot in common, including their hate for each other. This star is awful to work with. This actor isn't as famous as he thinks. And this star keyed the car door of her famous boyfriend's famous ex. Another day, another feud.

The revolution in Egypt has done a lot of good for the country and the region as a whole, but there have been some unintended consequences. For instance, what about all of the State Security officers — you know, the ones responsible for terrorizing the general public, running torture centers for decades, and even helping the CIA with its extraordinary rendition program? Suddenly they're out of work! Take former State Security Investigation System agent Hazem Ramzy. He's brandishing his skills on LinkedIn, and is "seeking a managerial position in the safety and security industry." So what are his qualifications? To name just a few:

This "hipster trap"—baited with Pabst Blue Ribbon, American Spirits, a bike chain and neon-pink Wayfarers—was photographed by Reddit user gigaface, who encountered the fauxhemian hunter in New York City. Before you object to the choices of bait, remember that having any opinion at all about hipsters or their taste preferences automatically renders you a hipster. (The trap itself, according to gigaface, is made of cardboard.) Full-sized photo below. [Reddit]

We are shocked, shocked to discover that a self-identified UCLA student recorded a goofy racist video in which she expounds the pressing issue of UCLA students of Asian descent using the college library. Shocked! But not, obviously, offended, since she takes great pains to let us know that she's "not the most politically-correct person" and we therefore shouldn't "take this offensively." (It was good to know that, because otherwise we may have been offended by her charming rendition of an unspecified Asian language: "Ching chong ling long ting tong.") The original video has been taken down but is already all over YouTube; we've reached out to the woman identified to us as the narrator and will update if we hear back.

Remember when former Governor of Alaska Sarah Palin performed a vlog where she accused the media of perpetrating blood libel ("a false accusation... that religious minorities, usually Jews, murder children to use their blood in... religious rituals") against her? Turns out she asked the advice of the only person on the planet who might have thought that speech was a good idea. And even he said no! New York's Gabriel Sherman writes:

The Queen Mother's private record collection has been released! (You were, no doubt, awaiting this moment with bated breath.) She was, unsurprisingly, a big fan of musicals (The King and I and Oklahoma!), as well as, apparently, ska:

Alain Schaberger, an 11-year veteran of the NYPD, died on Sunday when he was allegedly shoved over a stoop railing in Boerum Hill, Brooklyn while attempting to handcuff a suspect. Schaberger was attempting to arrest George Villanueva, an ex-convict whose girlfriend had accused him of making death threats earlier in the day; the police officer had apparently placed one of Villanueva's wrists in the handcuffs when the ex-convict, who had been drinking, shoved him with both hands. According to police reports, Schaberger tumbled over the railing, falling nine feet and landing on his head. He fractured his neck, and died in the hospital. Villanueva had been arrested for domestic violence against his girlfriend just a month earlier, on Feb. 4, but his girlfriend refused to press charges. Both Schaberger and Villanueva are 42. [NYDN]

It seems like each new video to come out of Japan's tsunami is more harrowing than the last, and this is the worst we've seen: a six-minute video taken from the street as the tsunami literally washes a town away. James MacWhyte, an American living in Tokyo, posted this video to Facebook.

The saga of West Coast Productions' porno Teen Anal Nightmare 2 is long and twisted. Last November, the law firm Adult Copyright Company filed a record-breaking lawsuit against 9,729 anonymous BitTorrent users who allegedly pirated the film. A Judge threw it out, ruling that each defendant would have to be sued individually. The Electronic Frontier Foundation singled out the lawsuit as a particularly egregious example of "copyright trolling." "The motivation behind these cases appears to be to leverage the risk of embarrassment associated with pornography to coerce settlement payments despite serious problems with the underlying claims," the EFF wrote in a statement.

Anti-Qaddafi rebels continued to lose ground to government loyalists today, as the eastern town of Brega fell and a mass exodus began toward Benghazi. Meanwhile, the Arab League has asked the UN Security Council to impose a no-fly zone over the country.

As Japan struggles to contain partial meltdowns at two nuclear reactors, over 200,000 people have been evacuated from the immediate area. An explosion is feared at another reactor, and both were experiencing some level of core melting. Meanwhile, officials said the death toll in Miyagi prefecture is over 10,000. The prime minister has doubled the number of deployed troops to 100,000. Here's a roundup of the latest news, with updates throughout the day.

A social media genius at Bing decided the tsunami was a good way to boost their brand recognition on Twitter. This morning Bing tweeted: "How you can #SupportJapan -For every retweet, bing will give $1 to Japan quake victims, up to $100K."