Omar Hammammi, the Alabama-born American who ran off to Somalia to join an Al Qaida-affiliated terrorist group, likes to rap about his kafir-killing skillz. He just released a new single: "Send Me a Cruise." He's moving in sort of an M.I.A. direction.

Google and the New York Times have teamed up to bring you A Google A Day, a new daily trivia question that will run next to the crossword puzzle and, more importantly, online. What is the point of having a trivia question with a Google box right above it?

You guys won't believe this, but Willard "Mitt" Romney is running for president! Not that he ever really stopped. But consider today's launch of a presidential exploratory committee an official reboot of the popular plastic Mittens brand.

Good news from the misguided cult members who delivered Travolta-endorsed junk science to a quake-ravaged Haiti: Scientology "volunteer ministers" are in Japan, touch-healing homeless tsunami victims, according to a celebratory press release issued today.

Welcome to the future, people. The U.S. Navy has perfected a high-energy laser that can be aimed from a ship and can set another boat's engines on fire. The military thinks it will be perfect to prevent attacks by smaller vessels, so pirates being zapped with lasers won't be something you'll just read about in comic books anymore.

Fresh off last week's down-to-the-wire spending showdown, President Obama and Speaker John Boehner are locking horns again on fiscal matters — and this time the stakes for the U.S. economy are even more monumental.

Donna Martin graduates... to a new house! One-time actress turned low-budget reality TV star and scorned daughter Tori Spelling is selling her Encino, CA mansion for a cool $3.2 million. This is like the hundredth house she's lived in over the past few years, maybe because moving to a new house is such good plot fodder for lady-interest reality shows? Who knows why.

A federal appeals court rejected Cameron and Tyler Winklevoss' demand for more Facebook money, adding that the spoiled Harvard twins should shut up already about how Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg stole their idea. The Ninth Circuit Court of Appeals ruling gets pretty brutal at the end:

Texas' legislature is moving a bill to increase the speed limit on certain highways and rural roads to 85 miles per hour, the highest in the country. Throw in your "free 10," and you'll be able to drive 95 mph in Texas without much chance of getting pulled over. Maybe even 100, depending on how much speeding ticket revenue is needed to fill local budgetary gaps. You know what? Just floor the goddamn thing and forget the limit altogether. It'll catch up to you in a few more legislatures.

How's this for a bizarre blackmail setup: A 30-year-old man was arrested for allegedly tricking another man into committing statutory rape against a 16-year-old girl and filming the incident.

The French rolled up in more than 30 armored cars to the compound of Ivory Coast 'strongman' Laurent Gbagbo today and finally arrested him. All hail the French! The civil war sparked by Gbagbo's refusal to step down following his election loss last November is hopefully reaching its conclusion. This will come as terrible news to several prominent evangelical Christians back here in America.

Vogue covered the Middle East crisis with a puff piece on the "glamorous" wife of a brutal dictator. Now it's sister publication Condé Nast Traveler's turn: the magazine just published a guide to luxury travel in Libya.

On last night's serving of sun-splashed mania, we were treated to, well... not a lot of mania! It was a strangely pleasant little episode. At least as pleasant as this show ever gets. Vows were renewed (as they always are on this show) and we went to Spain!

In July 2004, as the Iraq War spiraled out of control, Donald Rumsfeld ordered a staffer to draw up a "What Did Not Happen?" memo—a list of potential bad outcomes that had been avoided—to make himself feel better. Things could be worse, right?

Walter Isaacson's authorized biography of Steve Jobs is coming out early next year, indicating Isaacson's interviews with the Apple CEO and his family are close to completion. It's a testament to former Time Inc. CEO Isaacson's interpersonal skills that he's managed to pry into Jobs' life for more than a year now without alienating the notoriously feisty and secretive Apple founder.

Weekends now serve no other purpose than to tease the entire American nation for two horrible days before each week's new Fox and Friends segment, Monday Mornings with Trump. Well we've got this week's clip!

Michael Lohan peeps through Lindsay's windows and tries to bust into her house. Natalie Portman gives up veganism for her fetus. Joan Rivers uses vodka as deodorant. Nicki Minaj will share a stage with Britney. Monday gossip spent the weekend stalking its loved ones.

Though the British scourge's movies went number one and number two this weekend, they were mostly number two. At least there's good news for that little assassin girl this weekend, plus it was good news for Jesus, because it really almost always is.

This hunk likes to relax with a partner in a Jacuzzi, and his partner's gender doesn't matter. This actor is back on drugs, this celeb couple has a new business deal, and this female rapper has ridiculous demands. Does it matter which gender she is?

Remember when the White House agreed to push forward President Obama's speech about U.S. involvement in Libya last month because people really needed to see Dancing with the Stars? Something similar has happened up north, where Thursday's French language political debate was moved forward to avoid conflicting with a Montreal Canadiens vs. Boston Bruins playoff game. From the Toronto Star: