Want to see Russian President Dmitry Medvedev shaking his groove thing at a techno dance party? Of course you do.

To hear some on the political right talk about it, "homosexual indoctrination" is already a problem in public schools — and it's about to get much, much worse.

While he chatted with her over a webcam from China, a Beijing student says there was knock on his girlfriend Qian Liu's door in Toronto. A man entered and a struggle followed. Ten hours later, Liu's body was found in her basement apartment.

Demi Lovato gives her first post-rehab interview. Charlie Sheen comes out as a birther. Catherine Zeta-Jones opens up about her bipolar disorder. Wednesday gossip has nothing to hide.

If it weren't for "new research," we would have no clue what we're supposed to be dying of on any given day. But, thankfully, new research from the University of Western Australia proves that working a desk job for over a decade makes you 94 percent more likely to develop a "tumour in the area of the lower bowel called the distal colon." That doesn't sound nice.

Someone who claims to have penetrated the hallowed halls of Olive Garden's Culinary Institute of Tuscany says the school is hardly the MIT of Ravioli Sciences touted in commercials. In fact, there's no school at all.

In a profanity-laced interview in the new NME, recently hatched pop icon Lady Gaga had some strong words for anyone who thinks her song "Born This Way" sounds a lot like Madonna's "Express Yourself." The very notion, in fact, is downright "retarded," and any co-writing credit should go to Capital H-I-M.

In 1938, the first man to ever climb Eiger—a 13,025 foot mountain in the Swiss Alps—did so after three days. So when Ueli Steck managed to scale the same peak in under three hours (2 hours, 47 minutes and 33 seconds, to be exact), people were flabbergasted. After watching this video of Steck's feat, you'll be flabbergasted, too. [via kottke.org]

Preschool America has truly gone to seed. Just days after a spate of drunken toddler sightings, a six-year-old Houston boy brought a loaded gun to his school cafeteria. It gets worse: The gun discharged when he dropped it, injuring himself and two other students.

Last week, a massive tornado ripped through Jackson, Mississippi. For victim Eric Hubbard, it wasn't the fact that the storm had put a tree through his living room or destroyed his car that pissed him off—it was the fact the tornado stole a hamburger right from his hands. [via Eater]

Admit it. You've been able to think of nothing else since learning that ABC has whacked All My Children and One Life to Live, two soaps that have been airing since roughly around the Precambrian Era. Well, one major sponsor isn't accepting the news without a fight: Hoover, a company that knows from things that suck, is pulling all advertising from the network in protest.

Poor Hosni Mubarak! The Egyptian dictator is, according to "a senior Egyptian official" who spoke with Fox News, "clinically depressed." The octogenarian has been in the hospital with heart problems since last week; according to doctors, he "spends all day in bed and is eating very little with his wife Suzanne by his side." Look, Hosni, don't get us wrong, the transition from fearsome autocrat to old Egyptian guy can be difficult! But you have to take care of yourself. Make sure you're exercising, and maybe take up a hobby, like gardening. We also hear meditation is great for depression. [NYP]

Former Bush Solicitor General Paul Clement, the lawyer House Speaker John Boehner (R-OH) chose to support the constitutionality of the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA) on behalf of Congress, will be paid $520 per hour in taxpayer money up to $500,000, according to a contract his law firm signed with the General Counsel of the House and the House Administration Committee.

Scientists who study islands have apparently been sleeping on the job for years, because get this: Researchers have discovered 657 new islands around the world, making for a grand total of 2,149.

Squinty boor Donald Trump has secured a crucial endorsement! Gary Busey, the wild-eyed actor and celebrity apprentice, is not only campaigning for Trump, but has created an acronymic "Busey-ism" in support of the candidate: "Taking Redirection, Understanding Massive Power." Poetic and political!

According to a wellbeing surveys taken by Gallup in 2010, the U.S. is the 12th-happiest country in the world. Take that, Costa Rica and Austria!

Kathy Michelle Coy, a 33-year-old Kentucky mother of two, allegedly befriended a pregnant woman on Facebook before subduing her with a stun gun, killing her, and cutting out the baby with a drywall knife.

We've previously established the fact that private school consultants are the worst. The question now becomes: Are they still the worst? The very latest reports indicate: yes. They are still the worst.

Google and Facebook are fierce rivals, and spar over advertising, access to private information, and talented engineers. Given the two companies' obvious mutual obsession, why is Google co-founder Sergey Brin so secretive about having a Facebook account?

When Portland's Don Derfler looked out his window and saw the mailman lingering in his neighbor's yard, "I thought he had a bunch of packages for us." Oh, yes, he did. Derfler continues: