Most reasonable people can agree that the only thing missing from the modern church experience is Death Cab for Cutie lyrics. The arrival, then, of the Trinity Grace Church to New York City's East Village ("a neighborhood perceived by many as libertine," The New York Times hazards) proves welcome: Trinity Grace's pastor and founder, 33-year-old Guy Wasko, quotes from Death Cab as freely as he does from scripture. And that's not all! The Rev. Wasko, we are told by the Times, sports "spiky brown hair" and "eight-gauge steel posts in both ears"; he has a tattoo, and, judging by the accompanying photographs, a soul patch. In other words: This guy is legit. And thanks to him, the East Village is getting a dose of rock 'n roll preaching:

A New Zealand grocery store's computer system opened the doors and turned on the lights from 1:00 a.m. on Good Friday until around 9 a.m., possibly due to a "computer glitch" but more likely just because the computer wanted to mess with us. The early-morning free-for-all ended when police were contacted and told that people were taking "truckloads of groceries"; the owner reports that 12 people used the automated check-out lanes and paid for their items. [3News via Reddit]

More than 10,000 protestors took the streets in several Moroccan cities to protest against high unemployment and demand political reforms, the third such demonstration in the country since February. King Mohammed has already announced certain constitutional reforms that would give the country's government more independence from the monarchy; protestors have also asked for the release of political prisoners and reforms that would further limit the king's influence on the economy.

Michigan State Senator Bruce Caswell wants to make sure that Michigan taxpayers' money is being used effectively. How's he going to do that? By requiring foster children to spend their clothing allowance at second-hand stores.

You may have been surprised to see President Obama's smiling face on the cover of Tiger Beat in last week's The New York Times article about the "original teen-girl tabloid." Your surprise was not unwarranted, as the Times admitted today:

Lindsay Lohan is unhappy with her sentence. Liz Taylor's eighth husband speaks out. Charlie Sheen loses a goddess via text message. Ye seek Sunday gossip: it is risen.

Chrissy Lee Polis, the 22-year-old transgender woman who was the subject of a video-recorded beating in a Baltimore-area McDonald's last week, spoke out for the first time in an interview with The Baltimore Sun.

To most of Maoist New York, which finds even the word "America" distasteful, the Avenue of the Americas is just Sixth Avenue. Not so for the patriotic folks at News Corp (parent company of Fox News, The Wall Street Journal, and the New York Post)! No, the News Corp building is located, according to the signage on its door, at 1211 Americas of the Americas, and don't you forget it. [via Annie Karni]

Confronted with a 6'4", 350-pound "agitated mentally disturbed" man wielding a razor and, apparently, a broom, police in Macon, Ga. used a handful of lollipops to subdue the subject, offering them as bargaining chips in exchange for the man relinquishing the razor and allowing himself to be handcuffed. We therefore support arming police officers everywhere with lollipops, attached to their utility belts in small lollipop-bags, for use in violent confrontation. As the saying goes, "you subdue more huge violent men with lollipops than with vinegar, or guns." [Macon Telegraph; image via Shutterstock]

Following weeks of anti-government protests, Yemeni President Ali Abdullah Saleh has agreed to a deal that would see him resign from his post in exchange for immunity from prosecution. The leaders of the opposition have conditionally signed on, and will present a counteroffer today—though it remains to be seen if the protestors themselves will sign on. Elsewhere in the region, Libyan government forces reportedly retreated from the city of Misurata, which had seen heavy fighting earlier in the week; in Syria, at least 20 mourners were killed by security forces as part of an increasingly brutal crackdown that resulted in some 75 deaths on Friday. [image of Misrata via AP]

After the passage of the Zadroga bill, 9/11 first responders will finally be able to receive their much-deserved compensation and health care coverage. But first, the government has to make sure they're not terrorists.

The internet has fallen in love with another video of a fight in a fast-food restaurant, this one of a nasty assault at a Rosedale, Md. McDonald's that culminates in the victim having a seizure. It's pretty awful!

Lindsay Lohan goes back to her old digs at Lynwood Correctional Facility. LeAnn Rimes and Eddie Cibrian surprise everyone. And the Royal Wedding won't be any fun at all. Welcome to Saturday gossip. No beer allowed.

Even though the felony theft charge against Lindsay Lohan was reduced to a misdemeanor during a preliminary hearing earlier today, the judge did rule that the fallen starlet had violated her probation. And now Judge Stephanie Saunter has handed down her punishment, sentencing LiLo to 120 days in county jail.

A spring weekend is a nice time to walk around outside and see the buds on the trees. But screw that, it's also a good time to see movies! This week we have big African cats, big American elephants, and a big Atlantan.

Snooki is known for eating fried pickles and drinking sugary cocktails that come in glasses larger than her head—including the pouf (RIP)! Now we hear that she's on a diet to slim down for the next season of Jersey Shore. Say what?

Sunday is Easter, which means that today's the last day when you can go to the drug store and find a sprawling selection of the seasonal sweets that only Jesus' resurrection brings. Everyone has their favorite treat around this time of year, and your selection says a lot about you. Now is your time to head to CVS and get a bag or box of your candy of choice, because after tomorrow the "Easter Bunny" will have bought up all the goodies. But before you go for that sugar rush, let's take a look at what your selection means. [Photo above via Flickr]

Lindsay Lohan's preliminary evidentiary hearing has concluded, and the news is both good and bad.

Everything Charlie Sheen touches turns to shit. After ambling about the country with his live show, Anyone Who Pays Money for This Gets What They Deserve, he has now launched an iPhone app.

People like to go to Hawaii. It's nicer there than where they live. When they go to Hawaii, they get guidebooks, and go to the places that the guidebooks recommend. Sometimes, some people fall down and get hurt at the places they read about in the guidebooks. How to solve this tourists-getting-hurt-sometimes problem? By making the guidebook people pay.