This week, The New York Times Style section discovers yappy dogs. "There's a bull market in bad dogs right now," reports Bob Morris, who goes on to compile a compendium of terrible stories about rich people's obnoxious dogs. A sample:

Massachusetts, the liberal hellhole run by a Democratic governor and two Democratic legislative chambers, is the latest, most surprising state to pick a fight with public employees' unions over collective bargaining rights.

After being stabbed in the side with a butcher knife, a 58-year-old parking garage attendant in the Bronx fended off two armed attackers with an apple. The surveillance video shows two younger men threatening the attendant, who happened to be holding an apple at the time. (By color, I would guess it is a Gala. Jonagold, Fuji, and Honeycrisp are also possibilities.) As the knife-wielding assailant lunges at our frugivorous hero, he flings his snack at his attacker, then shoves the thug out the door.

Despite having cornered the market on cheap crap, Wal-Mart just isn't as popular as it used to be. Not to worry. Wal-Mart knows exactly what you animals want: deadly weapons.

Facebook is very likely about to move into China. But when Facebook.cn launches, don't start friending Chinese users unless you're OK with Chinese censors peeking at all your party pics.

Last night's episode of American Dream Explosion featured our six remaining tributes, bloody and beaten but still belting on, paying homage to Carole King. And darn it if they didn't turn in a good show! Yeah, it was patchy and raggedy as all their shows are, but it was also fun and felt fueled with that kind of white-knuckle desperation that really makes these shows entertaining.

Last month, pervy American Apparel CEO Dov Charney was sued by (first one, then several more) former employees for alleged sexual harassment. As the media war over Dov's reputation raged, new facts came to light —incriminating texts, emails, and photos from his accusers—that made it seem that Dov might actually be innocent this time. But of course, Dov couldn't leave well enough alone.

Alex Pettyfer's crotch tattoo says thank you, "in case I forget to say it." Blake Lively is a literal trainwreck. A Jersey Shore star is pregnant. Mariska Hargitay sues her talent agency. Thursday gossip is cocky.

This sci-fi movie star wants to tell the world he's gay, but his handlers want him to keep mum. This celeb has lost a bunch of weight because of a new drug habit. We have a feeling he won't be talking about that publicly.

In her upcoming appearance on Ellen, Lady Gaga addresses that clip from her HBO special in which she tearfully admits in a makeup chair that she "sometimes [feels] like a loser kid in high school."

Just hours after excoriating the "carnival barkers" who corral the gullible into darkened tents for a fleeting glimpse of "Obama: The Man Raised by Kenyan Wolves," the president found himself inside another kind of sideshow entirely: The Oprah Winfrey Show.

Absent-minded meat muncher John Richardson is not in jail tonight! This is because a jury believed that Richardson maybe did not mean to take a 99-cent sausage from a grocery store without paying for it, but simply forgot to pay for it. Forgetfulness is not yet a crime, so what else could the jury do?

On tonight's Daily Show, Jon Stewart opened with a segment about the release of President Obama's birth certificate and Donald Trump's role in forcing Obama's hand. For Stewart, there were two big losers here: Trump, for being a racist asshole; and the media, for treating something that had already (and repeatedly) been proven false as some sort of "bombshell."

You know that common recurring nightmare where you're wandering around your elementary school after hours, and you stumble into your teacher, and he's completely naked and wanting to talk to you about enlightenment? No? Maybe it's just me. Anyway — that scenario has played itself out in real life. What does it all mean?

Are you a leper? It may be because of the nine-banded armadillo, and not because you are a sinful blasphemer, as previously believed: Based on new evidence, scientists think that the armadillo carries and can spread leprosy to human populations. DNA tests have matched the leprosy strains of some U.S. patients with those of armadillos—among the only animals that carry the bacteria—and though the majority of cases in the U.S. are contracted in countries with higher instances of the disease, these tests indicate that some American patients contracted leprosy through armadillo exposure. Now: It's unlikely the diseases is transmitted through armadillo-human sex—though it's gross your mind went there immediately—as leprosy isn't sexually transmitted between humans, but Dr. Warwick Britton of the University of Sydney in Australia says that he "would not cuddle armadillos," which strikes us as both an admirable personal confession on the part of Dr. Britton, as well as advice we should all consider following. [AP]

A monstrous tornado nearly a mile wide killed fifteen people in Tuscaloosa, Ala. and "obliterated" parts of the city when it touched down on Wednesday afternoon. These videos should give you some sense of how terrifying a tornado can be.

Here's the trailer for Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2, aka the last Harry Potter movie ever. That noise you just heard? It was the collective scream of millions upon millions of Potter devotees worldwide, for whom July 15 can't come any faster. [via ONTD]

LinkedIn, the professional social networking site that exists only so that it can email me every two days, has taken a page from OK Cupid's book and mined its user base for meme-worthy data! First up: "The top CEO names."

College student Dillon Pearce probably did not set out to be a jerk of almost cosmic proportions when he head to McDonald's on Monday. And yet, according to police, he ended up intentionally running over four ducklings. In his Hummer.

Who knew that truck stops were good for something besides anonymous sex? And stopping your truck, of course. But, Scientific American tells us, truck stops are also good for discovering new life forms. (No, not like that. Don't be gross.)