Imagine going in for a rather routine dental surgery, and leaving with a foreign accent. That's what happened to Karen Butler after she was put under and had several teeth removed. "I just went to sleep and I woke up and my mouth was all sore and swollen, and I talked funny. And the dentist said, you'll talk normal when the swelling goes down," she told NPR. But she never went back to normal, and now has an accent that's "a combination of British, Irish and Eastern European."

The "Abortionplex" — that flight of Onion fancy that some think is real — has a Yelp page that's racked up a slew of satisfied user reviews. Next up: the CGI animated family feature. Get to work, Hollywood! [BoingBoing]

When May 21 came and went without the world ending, those expecting to ascend to Heaven were left flabbergasted and crazy Apocalypse predictor Harold Camping revised the date to October 21. But on tonight's Report, Stephen Colbert had a question: How do we know the Rapture didn't actually happen? Here's his explanation.

If New York City seemed especially smart last night, it's because Sarah Palin and Donald Trump dined together over a slice of Famiglia pizza in Times Square.

The Daily Show returned from hiatus this evening as Jon Stewart attempted to make sense of Sarah Palin's national bus tour. While some in the media have had some difficulty figuring out what it all means for Palin, Stewart gave his opinion in no time: It means she's running for President!

If you're a fugitive, it's probably in your best interests to keep that a secret from people you encounter. Like Richard R. Vermalyea, 32, of Rehoboth, Delaware, who kept the two warrants out for his arrest a secret when he checked in to the Traveler's Motel in Delmar, Maryland. Unfortunately for Vermalyea, however, his secret did not last for very long. Because his neighbors "heard a man yelling during a phone conversation that there was a warrant for his arrest and called police."

Like most people, we miss HBO's fantastic cop show The Wire a great deal. So we were heartened to hear that Attorney General Eric Holder has put the full weight of the Justice Department behind our cause:

Airbnb went from monstrously valued startup to accused unethical spammer in one day. The vacation rental website is taking its investors for a wild ride to the borderline of infamy, just like Facebook, Twitter, Zynga and so many other startups.

A week after a jury acquitted New York City police officers Kenneth Moreno and Franklin Mata over charges that Moreno had raped a drunk woman while Mata stood guard, their accuser released a statement describing herself as "devastated and disappointed by the jury's decision." The fashion executive, who lived in the East Village but has since moved to San Francisco, thanks the District Attorney's office and Mayor Bloomberg, saying she's "overwhelmed" by the support she's been shown since the verdict, and that "public opinion will be the ultimate verdict." Here's the full statement:

We worry, sometimes, about the fate of our nation's queer tweakers, so it's nice to see meth head bisexual and former megachurch pastor Ted Haggard embarking on what's sure to be a very lucrative career as a cameo artist in Christian sex comedies with his brief turn in The Waiting Game, coming at around 1:05 in the video above. Haggard, who identifies as a 21-year-old bisexual, also starred in a short-lived TLC series; we can't imagine it was as good as The Waiting Game looks to be. [via Colorado Springs Gazette]

As Weinergate drags into its fourth day, Anthony Weiner refuses to answer the question of whether the dick in the pic is his. But just how long is this scandal's… legs? Maybe longer, now that we learn of a porn star who claims to be Twitter buddies with the congressman.

Facebook is reportedly close to adding its 700 millionth user, indicating that the social network is on track to cross the billion person mark sometime in 2012. Good luck catching up, Google.

This weekend a pair of bank robbers in the Chicago area used nun masks to disguise themselves, the same ones that Ben Affleck and his crew wore to rob banks in the 2010 movie The Town.

The sidewalk at Mulberry and Grand Streets near Little Italy was closed down for several hours today so that beekeepers could remove a swarm of bees that descended on a mailbox on the corner. Apparently this is a natural phenomenon that happens this time of year when hives get overcrowded. Well, just because it's natural doesn't mean it isn't creepy.

Someone on YouTube is claiming to have taken control of the electronic news ticker outside News Corp.'s Manhattan headquarters and reprogrammed it with anti-Fox News messages. Is it real? Probably not! But it's fun to imagine playing pirate radio with Fox's ticker.

History suggests that Sarah Palin's Bus Army would be stopped and forced into retreat by lamestream media forces at Gettysburg, Pennsylvania, making it her furthest incursion into the Yankee North and the turning point for the larger war effort. But alas, the cowardly reporters have allowed Palin to slip through their lines and continue her march towards the munitions port at Philadelphia.

Last night on Brother and Sisters: The Reality Show every screeched and shouted about the importance of family and then Sally Fields wept for 20 minutes straight. Teresa also passed the SAT writing exam by sending a missive to her brother.

Suri Cruise suffers for fashion. Lindsay Lohan shills electronic cigarettes. Angelina Jolie gets horny while talking about Brad Pitt. Tuesday gossip creates heel-shaped holes in the sand.

This musical star isn't just hiding the fact he's gay, but also that he likes to get rough with the "hired help." These celebs were divas at Cannes, this actor likes women to beat him in bed, and this right-wing politician has a closeted spouse. It always comes back to gays and rough sex, doesn't it?

If you haven't been reading the New York Post's coverage of Dominique Strauss-Kahn, well, then you really should be. The DSK story was tailor made for the Post: Snooty, filthy rich Frenchman allegedly sexually assaults a hotel maid in AMERICA. How does that sit with your Freedom Fries?