Lawrence Eagleburger, who served as Secretary of State under the first President Bush, died on Saturday at 80. Eagleburger was nominated following the resignation of James Baker in the summer of 1992 and held the post for five months. [AP]

The Kardashians throw a typically low-key engagement party. Paris Hilton throws a fit. A-Rod throws Cameron Diaz out. Saturday gossip is all about divas.

Another weekend is here, bringing another batch of new movies. And why waste these couple days riding your tandem bicycle around and smelling flowers when you could be sitting in a dark room watching old gay men die and parents cry about a school shooting and magical mutant kids blowing up boats and stuff? This is what summer's all about!

Today chocolate manufacturer Cadbury released a statement apologizing for an ad that associated notorious supermodel Naomi Campbell with a chocolate bar. Campbell called the ad "racist" and said she planned to sue. Well, the apology is out of the way, but Campbell still isn't happy.

Classy American racist Donald Trump is enjoying his post-almost-presidency repose the way any exceedingly wealthy titan of industry would: By trying to peddle cheesy photos of himself and his family to tabloids for $20,000.

Like it or not, a pretty lady is way richer than you. And you'll just have to deal with it. Also today: HBO is making the classiest thing ever made, two funny ladies are teaming up to get your motor running, and Anderson Cooper has a new website.

Are you a filmmaker looking for a bit of attention? All you have to do is make a time-lapse video of New York. Tons of them have come along, but every time a new one rolls around, I stop and stare at the people moving quickly, the sun rising over the buildings, and the little squiggles of light trailing taxi cabs. It gets me every time.

Mitt Romney, the likely favorite among 2012 Republican presidential candidates, launched his campaign in what for him is the must-win state of New Hampshire yesterday. All the local reporters were invited. So how did the state's biggest newspaper, the Union Leader, present Romney's announcement on today's front page? Look up at the hilarious image up top! What, you can't see it? It's neatly tucked away there in the bottom right corner, next to all the important stuff about non-candidate Sarah Palin saying "hi" to some fishermen and eating clams.

Students at Russellville Middle School in Arkansas hilariously included a list of the "Top 5 worst people of all time" in their yearbook, and the school is getting in some trouble thanks to the fourth and fifth ranked recipients of this historic award.

Remember the four-month-old fetus whose parents gave her a Facebook page, for some reason? Little Marriah's page has been shut down, probably because Facebook doesn't allow kids under 13 (and maybe also because her parents misspelled "Mariah").

As much of a pathological monster John Edwards is, the indictment against him for campaign finance violations this morning is almost Kafka-esque in its breadth: Under the prosecution's theory, there is essentially no legal way for a candidate for federal office to pay someone to keep quiet.

Girls Gone Wild creator and Douche of the Decade Joe Francis says that he thinks Blake Lively is the one releasing all those dirty pictures of herself, not the hacker who's supposedly spreading them around.

Ginormous Wal-Mart alternative Target is the subject of a unionization campaign at one of its New York stores. Because Target is a virulently anti-union company with a well-known reputation for ridiculously simplistic corporate propaganda, it's only natural they're bombarding their workers at this particular store with scaremongering documents. Which we have.

Above is a chart of the exchange rate, in dollars, of the digital currency Bitcoin. That red arrow shows the price on Wednesday afternoon right after we published a story about Silk Road, a Bitcoin-powered online marketplace where you can easily buy illegal drugs. In the past 48 hours alone, a Bitcoin's worth has jumped from around $9.90 to around $14.

Last night on Princesses of Persia: The Sand of Time our reality royalty got in even more fights, the natural world rebelled against them, and everyone nearly pooped their pants. It's just another vacation with the Housewives.

The economy added a whopping 54,000 non-farm jobs last month, and the official unemployment rate is now back to 9.1 percent. That's really, really bad.

Yes, it's that time of year when high school and college kids partake in the great ritual of finding a summer job. Seasonal employment sucks and usually entails meager pay, physical labor, embarrassing costumes, or putting up with swarms of pesky kids. But now your torture could win you a prize.

Here's a new trailer for August's big release Rise of the Planet of the Apes, an origin story for the Planet of the Apes saga. This is the second trailer we've seen, but this one has way more apes!

It's been at least a few seconds since we last checked in on Sarah Palin's Tour de Grift, which stopped yesterday in Olde Boston Towne. Her bus visited such historical sights as Paul Revere's old shack, where Palin explained the colonist's famous "midnight ride" before the 1775 battles at Lexington and Concord.

People often ask us, in our imagination, "Hey, why are you always vigilantly trying to save The American Man? Is it really so bad if men get eyebrow waxes and talk about "abs" all the time? Shouldn't we welcome technological advances in underwear science?"