Though we are loath to continue pointing out the myriad ways in which the practice of law has become a degrading wallow in the depths of human desperation, we will simply note—for those of you keeping score in your law-school-graduation-present moleskines—that, thanks to a handy new website that allows you to order up a lawyer at any time of day or night, the legal profession has, at long last, become just as respectable as the fast food profession:

The office of Republican Gov. Chris Christie of New Jersey is claiming that Fox News chairman Roger Ailes is a confidential adviser whose interactions with the governor should remain secret under New Jersey's executive privilege.

After we learned that Rebecca Black's "Friday" had been removed from YouTube due to a legal squabble, we vowed that today would be our last Friday ever. What's the point of living in a world without this video? But it's back, and better (?) than ever.

Kelsey Grammer pleads "hacker" after an evocative mass email about his ex-wife. Christina Aguilera's diva antics drive Adam Levine insane. Kim Kardashian lives vicariously through a tween. TGIFriday gossip.

This star is such a health nut that she has her kids on a diet and their school is complaining they're too skinny. This reality star knocked up a woman who is not his girlfriend. That's not healthy for anyone.

The manliest of all Russian men, Vladimir Putin, is taking some heat from Russian bloggers after he paid a visit to the city of Pskov. Just before his arrival, workers planted new lawns, painted some things and brought in new trash cans, then ripped the lawn up as soon as he left. The Telegraph explains the "Potemkin lawn":

The Manhattan district attorney's office yesterday filed a transcript of 17 statements made by Dominique Strauss-Kahn during and after his arrest on sexual assault charges last month. The Times has details of the statement, a voluntary disclosure form, that should be presented to defense attorneys. So, what were DSK's first hours in custody like? It took him a little while to really figure out what was going on:

Fresh off an unsuccessful attempt to make circumcision illegal, San Francisco has turned elsewhere for its next attempted ban: Goldfish. The Animal Control and Welfare Commission would like to ban the sale of pets in the city, even goldfish. The proposed ban seems destined to fail a vote of the Board of Supervisors (just like the ACWC's recommendation to mix birth control with birdseed to reduce the pigeon population), but we appreciate that it was put forward in the first place, because "Isn't San Francisco Wacky, Man?" stories written by non-San Franciscans are among our favorites. [SFC]

Here's a trailer—the last one ever—for Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2, which is also the last Harry Potter movie ever. Full of footage not seen in the film's first trailer a couple of months ago, this one—out a month before its July 15 release—will hopefully provide a temporary fix to Potter addicts as they await their final dance with Harry, Ron, Hermione, and the rest of the gang. [via NYM]

A 21-year-old gentleman from Molalla, Ore., was caught peeing in one of Portland's major reservoirs (in Mt. Tabor Park, pictured), leading the city to drain the entire thing—all 7.8 million gallons—at a cost of more than $36,000. Of course an uncovered reservoir probably has a lot of gross things in it: Dead rodents, for example, and pee from other animals. And even if the guy had drunk an entire Big Gulp, we're talking at most about eight ounces of urine, in nearly 8 million gallons of water. Portland Water Bureau administrator David Schaff does not care: "Do you want to drink pee?" he asked The Oregonian. [Oregonian]

President Obama, who earlier in the week said that he would resign if he were then-Congressman Anthony Weiner, was a little bit kinder toward the now-unemployed junk-Tweeter in a new interview. He thinks Weiner and his wife Huma Abedin will "bounce back"!

Life is different near the center of the tech bubble. Facebook employees, due to earn staggering fortunes, are nevertheless sad. They'll have to wait six months for the money, you see.

Tonight's So You Think You Can Dance promised a "world exclusive" of the music video for Lady Gaga's new single, "The Edge of Glory," but it cut off after just a couple of minutes. Luckily, the video's full version is already online—and embedded above—for your enjoyment and/or criticism.

This photo, of two unidentified people (apparently) making out on the street surrounded by riot cops, is just about the only good thing to emerge from Vancouver's intense hockey riots, which erupted last night following the Canucks' Stanley Cup loss.

America's one-time sweetheart is returning from a long hiatus with a sexy new project. Also today: Kate Winslet and Josh Brolin hook up under strange circumstances, Aaron Sorkin adds more actors to his news team, and the potential return of Dave Chappelle.

A Facebook source disputed a widely quoted report that showed the social network was losing active users in the U.S. Facebook is still cool, it swears!

Big Bear High School in California has recalled all of its students' yearbooks after it was discovered that photos of child porn were published in the yearbook by mistake. If students don't return the book, they'll be in danger of being arrested for possessing kiddie porn. Zoinks!

This little guy is being hand-raised by Australian zookeepers after having some difficulty with his mom. Watch him cuddle his stuffed friend. See him drink from a bottle with his weird little old-man face. Note that he has trouble retracting his tongue all the way into his mouth. Fall in love.

In 2009 Rexburg, Idaho couple Ben and Amber Sessions purchased a house in the country thinking it would be the perfect spot to raise a family. That is until they noticed the snakes. The hundreds and hundreds of garter snakes that lived under the house.

It turns out there's a reason your iPhone has been stalking you: It might use your private data to hook you up with nearby iPhone owners. And you thought your mom was an awkward matchmaker.