To illustrate its coverage on fired New Mexico sex cop Bert Lopez, the UK's Daily Mail uses a picture of a different—and deceased—Burt Lopez. How embarrassing! (Still not as embarrassing as being caught by surveillance cameras sexing ladies while still wearing your police uniform, though.)

Harry is coming to the U.S.! Mark Ronson and Cheyenne Jackson both get married! And Kim Kardashian faces a terrible truth! Sunday gossip is wearing white for the last time this year.

A New Jersey woman sued her employer after being told to remove her deceased daughter's ballet slippers and photo from her cubicle and to also pretend like the girl "did not exist." Whoah, harsh! But perfectly legal, said the court presiding over her case.

Looking to re-ignite your childhood fear of sharks? Look no further! A tourist bodyboarding off a beach in western Australia was killed in a gruesome shark attack on Sunday, the first in the area in some two decades.

A Dublin bar has begun hosting Friday-night "Underwear Amnesty" parties at which patrons can trade in their underpants for "free" alcoholic beverages. Great idea, right? Not according to the many people who say it's "insensitive," given that a rape allegedly occurred at the bar only a few months ago.

Imene Nouis, a 31-year-old Colorado mom, has been cited for child abuse after leaving her baby cry and cook in the hot hot heat of the family car during a quick trip to the tanning salon. At least she had rolled up the windows and locked the doors so nobody could steal the baby, though!

Republicans in Pima County, Ariz., where Rep. Gabrielle Giffords was shot in the head eight months ago, had a brilliant idea for a fundraiser: Let's raffle off a gun! Who cares if it's the same brand as the gun used in the Giffords shooting?

The New Mexico State Police officer caught sexing a lady lying on a car has been fired—even though he did nothing illegal. Bert Lopez—a past "officer of the year"—has 30 days to appeal his dismissal.

The best part of toppling a dictator, besides freedom, is getting to rifle through the papers of the intelligence bureaucracy. Who knows what you'll find! Like, say, a big binder that says "C.I.A." and two others that say "M.I.-6"!

Despite threatening to cancel her scheduled appearance at today's "Restoring America" Tea Party rally in Indianola, Iowa, our honorable Christian soldier Sarah Palin decided to show up after all. Not many other people did, though.

Long Island babysitter Teresa Coffey collapsed and died while taking care of month-old infant—the son of local TV host Michael Baldwin—falling on the child and, apparently, smothering it to death.

They say you can't take your money with you when you die—and you can't take your debt, either. When people move on to that great air-conditioned lobby in the sky, their banks sometimes ask—and ask, and ask—their grieving families to pay off remaining debts.

Unless you're wealthy, you've probably been spending Burning Man Week moping about how you couldn't afford tickets to America's favorite festival of radical self-expression this year. But make no mistake: Those rich people touring the playa on their Mad Max cruisers are suffering, too.

Being a physician's assistant seems like a great job, doesn't it? Except for all that pesky "learning" and "certification" you have to go through. Bo-ring! Seventeen-year-old Matthew Scheidt figured out a better system: Just pretend to be a P.A. and people will believe you!

Ray J wants to "protect his rights"—his sex tape rights! Billie Joe Armstrong get kicked off a plane. Sandra Oh gets her identity stolen. And Pippa Middleton maybe got a parking ticket. Saturday gossip is here, and ready to explain why its boobs are weird.

Maybe you were swamped at work all week and couldn't check your favorite Gawker Media sites. Or maybe you're stuck at your parents' house for the holiday weekend and need a distraction. Whatever the case, we've got you covered. Here are some of the most amusing and entertaining videos we watched during the week that was.

Five-year-old Zoe Zachrison and her mom were shopping in the frozen food section at a Minnesota Walmart when suddenly a bat swooped down and bit Zoe on the leg, traumatizing her forever and requiring her to undergo painful rabies shots.

"Government regulations are not 'choking' our business"; "Absolutely, positively not"; "I think the rich have to be taxed." —McClatchy asks small-business owners if they're being (per Chamber of Commerce claims) "choked by regulation" and finds that no, not really.

We've all been on bad dates, am I right? Like, when you're out with a guy and he says he needs to go to the betting parlor before dinner? Talk about a bad date! And then he runs out of the shop holding a knife in a sack of cash screaming "DRIVE! DRIVE! DRIVE!"?

The Labor Day weekend is a slow weekend at the movies, everyone's too busy trying to smother the dread of going back to work with hotdogs and beer, but there are still things opening! Beware of sharks! And moon aliens.