The bizarre conflict that developed at AOL over Labor Day weekend—over the role of Mike Arrington, the outspoken founder of tech blog TechCrunch, and the AOL-backed CrunchFund venture capital vehicle—seems to have come to a dramatic (if unsurprising) conclusion: With Arrington's departure from AOL.

How badly did Gumby screw up his attempted robbery of a San Diego 7-11? Well, really badly: Not only did he not, in fact, steal anything, he actually gave money to the clerk.

Before anything else: Let us bow our heads in prayer to St. Ronald Reagan, the dead host of tonight's debate in California. Our Lord, Ronald Reagan, hallowed be thy name. You are the man. What was that movie you were in? Amen. Now let's get out there and kick each other's asses!

Uber nerd website ArsTechnica has one. Amazon is guiding web savvy writers toward them. And now even the electronic newspaper of the future, the Huffington Post, has one. Meet the so-called "book," heir apparent to the future of media.

The jokers in La La Land are going after yet another childhood favorite. Also today: good news for two TV shows, great news for two actors, and sexy news for theatergoers.

Fashion's Night Out can be so tedious: the crowds, the celebs, the free champagne, the lack of sales. God, it just seems like too much bother. We're going to skip it altogether, but in order to do so we need your help. Join our Scavender Hunt, take pictures from the event, and you can win cash!

Drinky ladies! Fewer smokers! Cheaper hospitals! Zombie mutants! Frozen athletes! Gay health! Cancer survivors! Pregnant painkillers! And you don't need no blood thinner girl, you look fine! It's your Wednesday Health Watch, where we watch your health—relatively painlessly!

Since this is Back to School time, we asked for all of your horror stories from those school days, school days, good old golden rule days. We were shocked by the number of gross, embarrassing, depressing, and hilarious tales that we got. But there can only be one winner.

It's time for another Republican presidential debate tonight, like the fourth of 'em or something like that! And after tonight, you'll have to wait a whole five days for your next opportunity to watch them babble strange collective nonsense again. So what should we expect from tonight's gathering at the St. Ronald Reagan of Reagan Presidential Library in California? Here's the "insider's take."

Mall security is the worst, always kicking you out of the food court for not buying anything, then filing a suspicious activity report with the FBI. Private security officers have been trying to do counterterrorism at the Mall of America, with predictable results.

Facebook's profits are on track to reach nearly $1 billion this year, Reuters reports, as revenue doubles. Selling your private moments to advertisers has never been more lucrative.

Remember Katherine Chloé Cahoon, the nation's foremost authority on how to meet European men? Well she is back! And she's brought some friends with her.

The legacy of Qaddafi's Libya keeps getting weirder. The new president of Tripoli's prestigious Fateh University recently discovered a mysterious subterranean complex under Green Theater, a center for studying Qaddafi's political manifesto the Green Book. The complex contains a bedroom, jacuzzis, mood lighting… and a fully equipped gynecological operating theater with klieg lights and an observation deck. So that's, uh, creepy. Take it away, horrified new university president:

Nobody wants Sarah Palin to run for president, except for every Democratic political operative and a persistent twenty-ish percent of the Republican electorate who only want her. Of course, she probably won't. But Republican pundits really want her to clarify that decision soon, if only to silence her supremely irritating fans.

After last month's wild stock market fluctuations, Americans are all hoping that the various investment indexes calm down and return to a modest, steady climb. Right? Hahaha, no. Americans are all hoping to scrounge a nickel's worth of aluminum cans.

An attack on a company that certifies secure websites has forced the Dutch government to abandon email for faxes and snail mail. How long before frustrated citizens take to the streets and smash windows with postal scales and rolls of thermal paper?

Still reeling from a debilitating $6 per month price increase, Netflix customers have a new policy to get all bitchy about: The video service now limits how many steams you can watch at once. Cue the entitlement!

Madonna takes a passive-aggressive swipe at Lady Gaga. Ryan Gosling makes out with Eva Mendes. Jake Gyllenhaal snuggles a Twilight star. A wild man breaks into Celine Dion's home and pillages for pastries. Wednesday gossip is mad for madeleines, moonstruck for doughnuts, cuckoo for choux.

What was Arkansas NBC affiliate KARK weatherman Brett Cummins up to last Sunday night? Oh just drinking and "snorting drugs" and passing out and waking up in a bathtub next to a dead guy. You?

This acting duo is having a hard time finding drugs on their recent press tour. This rock star is a germaphobe, and this actress thought she met the real Michael Jackson when it was just an impersonator. What, is she on drugs?