On Monday, based on some random information he found on Wikipedia, Rush Limbaugh called President Obama's decision to deploy military advisers to Africa—part of an effort to combat the Lord's Resistance Army—a plot to "wipe out Christians." Limbaugh failed to note that the LRA is infamous for raping and murdering civilians, and although he noted the error the next day, he claimed he'd just learned of the atrocities. On tonight's Report, Stephen Colbert explained Limbaugh's actions: "That's why it's called research; if you do it before, it's called pre-search."

It's been bad year for awesome dude Edward Forchion. Not only did his request to change his name to "NJWeedMan.com" get denied (thanks, Obama), but the packages of weed he sends to NJ Governor Chris Christie aren't getting through!

"My arch helps me to climax." That's what WPIX anchor Sukanya Krishnan said on Wednesday morning just before she fell to the ground during a segment about shoe designer Christian Louboutin's claim that high heels can help women orgasm. The jury may still be out on the orgasmic potential of a pair of Louboutins, but their ability to make someone topple over on live TV is now well-documented. [WPIX]

Looks like Rick Perry is on Mitt Romney's list! (Right after the guy from LMFAO.) Last night, of course, Perry got Romney to show his "horror movie stepfather" side by doggedly interrupting the GOP frontrunner. Tonight, the Romney campaign put a "brutal" attack ad on YouTube—and then mysteriously pulled it. Drama!

Tonight's South Park revolved around a new secret-spilling website called Eavesdropper, which has been ruining the lives of everyone in its gossipy path. To combat the problem, the kids set out to expose the person behind the site, later learning it was actually a blonde, wig-wearing gerbil named Wikileaks. Highlights of the episode are above.

Al Sharpton joined Jon Stewart on The Daily Show tonight. When the subject turned to Occupy Wall Street, Sharpton expressed his support for the movement, but Stewart wasn't quite as enthusiastic, taking issue with some of the protesters' attention-getting theatrics. Stewart also wondered about where Occupy Wall Street goes from here. "What they've done there is so unusual that it can't be ignored," Stewart started. But now that they've managed to capture the world's attention, we're left asking, "When are you going to change the world for us?"

The Taurunga oil spill off the coast of New Zealand unleashed 2,500 barrels of heavy fuel into a fragile ecosystem, coating thousands of local seabirds in oil. This puts many of them — particularly the mind-meltingly adorable Little Blue Penguin — at serious risk of freezing and/or being poisoned to death. We know, we know. After today's news from Ohio, there's only so much animal suffering you can take. But you can actually help, particularly if you know how to knit.

Look, times are tough, babies are dying all over the place, and those of us able to help really want to help. But before making your next roadside, dead-baby donation, we ask that you please be as discriminating as possible. Scrutinize those certificates, people!

Ricky Gervais loves the word "mong." It's the British equivalent of "retard," and comes from a shortening of "Mongoloid." He uses it all the time on his Twitter account, usually when referencing people he deems to be morons worthy of his contempt. He also likes to switch it up. Sometimes he'll say, "Good monging, everyone!" Others, he'll go, "Two mongs don't make a right." And then he'll just post pictures of himself making "mong faces." He's really taken with the whole "mong" theme!

The most exciting thing to happen to Zanesville, Ohio, like, ever has ended in the tragic massacre of dozens of exotic predators, all of whom escaped into heavy rains last night from a local resident's private, 73-acre reserve. With the lifeless body of that man, Terry Thompson (pictured), lying near their open cages, and no arks docked in nearby Lake Erie, it left something of a mystery as to what exactly had happened.

What a basketcase: Groupon has slashed its proposed valuation to $12 billion from $30 billion as it ramps up for an initial public offering. So if you're in the market for a technically insolvent online discounter with shady accounting, now is the time to buy! Goldman Sachs is involved, so you just know it's a good deal.

The month-old Occupy Wall Street protests have already lasted longer than most observers (including us!) had expected. But with freezing cold temperatures and an inevitable media pullback, how much longer will they last?

It sounds like the Steve Jobs memorial event on the Apple Inc. campus today turned into something of a Stevestock: Randy Newman, Norah Jones, and Coldplay performed at the outdoor event.

Once a movie actress, she's now doing TV. Also today: Americans can't make anything original, French Stewart has been located, and How to Be a Gentleman has been put out to stud.

Is your child younger than two years old? Has your child ever caught a glimpse of your household television set in the "on" mode? Congratulations: you're raising a loser.

Jersey Shore stars Ronnie Ortiz-Magro and Sammi Giancola, the Richard Burton and Elizabeth Taylor of the modern age, have broken up yet again. No, guys. It's for real this time. Just like it was last time. Yup, it's done. Over. For good. I miss you. Come snuggle. No, that doesn't mean we're together. Oh, OK, now we are together. Stop looking at her. Listen to me! How could you do this to me? You're such an asshole. I'm done. Done. Don't ever talk to me again. Fuck you. Hold me.

MC Hammer just launched his search engine "WireDoo" at the Web 2.0 Summit in San Francisco. The singer-turned-investor says WiredDoo goes "beyond just the keywords" into "relationship search" and "deep search." Sounds intense. Time to sample Marvin Gaye again.

We all know that America's greatest poop phone user, Anderson Cooper, will take every opportunity to take his shirt off on camera. But what about his arms? When he rolled up his shirt to get a flu shot on today's episode of Anderson, he paused briefly to flex for the crowd and said, "Welcome to the gun show." Then he got all bashful about it and his infamous giggle followed. Oh, Anderson, you're so cute when you don't know how hot you are.

Washington's War on Potatoes appears to be wrapping up, and... let's see here... potatoes are winning! White potatoes, those excessively salted and fried and embacon'd starch rocks that are now limited to two weekly cafeteria servings under new USDA regulations for federally subsidized school lunches, will soon be freed, as the Senate voted yesterday to "block the USDA from putting any limits on serving potatoes or other vegetables in school lunches."

River Phoenix, the actor that your (much) older sister had a huge crush on in 1993 when he died of a drug-related heart attack, is going to be at the multiplex again next year. Yes, 18 years later, the director of his final movie is finally going to release it.