Justin Timberlake has never been shy about his penchant for pot. In a recent interview, JT said that marijuana helps him to "stop thinking" and "some people are just better high."

It's an unusually heavy monsoon season in Thailand, and the country is experiencing some of the worst, and longest flooding in memory. Nearly 2.5 million people have been affected, and more than 300 have died; public holidays have been declared throughout the country to give people time to move.

Looks like Robert and Diane Maresca—who attempted to trademark "Occupy Wall Street" earlier this week—aren't the only people trying to make a buck off of the protests! An Atlanta man is trying to get his own Occupy Wall Street-related trademark: "The words 'occupy this' with an arrow pointed down."

On tonight's Report, Stephen Colbert focused on the so-called "War on Halloween" and the alternative that some Christian activists have been pushing called Jesus Ween, which involves people dressing up like Jesus and passing out Bibles in lieu of trick-or-treating. Colbert argued that Halloween and Jesus actually have a lot in common: "Think about it: Jesus rose from the dead. He's the original zombie, except you eat His body."

"What's Ohio like?" you might ask, for some reason. Well, this is what it's like: "Authorities in Bainbridge say that a drunken woman, who was wearing nothing but fishnet stockings, a g-string and high heels [Actually, tennis shoes — Ed.], led them on a high speed chase along Route 422 prior to her arrest."

When the Occupy Wall Street movement began spreading across the U.S., one of its biggest satellite protests took root in Oakland. But after two weeks of peaceful interactions with the city, Occupy Oakland protesters sparred with gas canister-firing police yesterday, leaving an Iraq War veteran in critical condition with a head injury. On tonight's Daily Show, Jon Stewart echoed the views of many when he questioned Oakland's handling of the situation.

Late-night talks between Illuminatis and Reptilians over Europe's debt crisis resulted in a "three-pronged deal" that will likely avert complete catastrophe: Banks will accept a 50 percent loss and raise more capital, while the eurozone will increase its bailout fund.

How many times have you come across a life-sized standee in a movie theater lobby or department store, and not thought to yourself, "If only our ass-backwards society didn't disapprove of inter-dimensional dating, this cardboard cutout of Nikita and I could probably be pretty happy together." Well, Charlie J. Price of Pittsfield, Ma., doesn't abide by musty precepts like "social mores" or "not licking cardboard ladies in public."

As the Starbucks menu continues to grow and diversify, one item that millions of Americans crave even harder than bucket-sized portions of caffeine — prescription opioids — still remains frustratingly out of reach. Unless, that is, you happened to stop into a Starbucks where one Dr. Feelgood was allegedly doling out OxyContin, Vicodin, Xanax, Adderall and Suboxone to customers he barely knew.

When you stop to consider the sheer amount of ink spilled over one oddly placed cigarette drag, one shudders to think what the Herman Cain parsers would make of this: In "He Carried Yellow Flowers" — a Western that feels like a porn conceived after a four-day meth binge, minus the sex scenes — movie star "Nick Searcy" (he's big in Guam) punches an African-American liberal in the face, then steps off the set to address us on why we should vote for Cain. Then the creepy smiling Cain pops in, just to remind us of who the crackpot is who endorsed this message. It's not just that it's so crazy — it's that the craziness is so pathetically executed. (But it's mainly that it's so crazy.) [thehermancain/YouTube via BoingBoing]

A Zimbabwean man was busted on Sunday at 4 a.m. penetrating a donkey tied to a tree in his backyard (with his penis). The man, 28-year-old Sunday Moyo, admitted to the court that it indeed must have looked bad — but hear him out! Because only a few hours earlier, the donkey was a human prostitute.

Scott Thomas Olsen, a 24-year-old former Marine who served tours in Iraq in 2006 and 2007, is in critical condition after being seriously injured by one of the projectile gas canisters fired at Occupy Oakland protesters last night.

Bernard Madoff's wife Ruth has told 60 Minutes, in the only interview she's ever given since her life unraveled, that she and Bernie tried to kill themselves on Christmas Eve 2008.

The perpetually up-and-coming actress gets another shot at the big leagues. Also today: Showtime wisely renews their best show, Jennifer Coolidge gets grunt work, and MTV says goodbye to some friends.

Well, the TSA has found and punished the guy (it's got to be a guy, right?) who left that hilariously inappropriate note in a blogger's luggage. The TSA always gets its man!

For those of you who haven't heard the sad news, today is Richard Lawson's (second) last day here at Gawker. We're very sad to lose him. So we're expressing our grief with this documentary about his life here as an internet scribbler. Enjoy!

Anderson Cooper has been to war zones, hurricane disaster sites, and the Roxy after 6am, so he knows something about scary places. But what's the one thing that the unflappable newsman is scared of? Bugs.

HPV boys! Chest X-rays! Aging secrets! Bat disease! Old pacemakers! Filthy surface! Coffee protection! Super broccoli! And gurl U no U better keep taking that birth control! It's your Wednesday Health Watch, where we watch your health—in technicolor!

Even though their parents are picketing the court house to get them back, 5-year-old Adolf Hitler and his three-year-old sister Aryan Nation are still in foster care after being taken away from their parents last year.

More and more people are hating Facebook in increasingly effective ways, and for increasingly better reasons. Good times. Too bad it will probably do nothing to keep Facebook from transforming the internet into an unbearably bland prison-mall.